Chocolate, Heaters, and Two-year-olds

Everything is going well with my grandmother.  She made a trip to Wal-Mart with the Southridge activities director and bought herself some sunglasses and a hat for her walks outside around the facility.  The staff told me she had spent time yesterday morning in the garden... although she didn't mention it to me at all!  I'm learning to function more in her "world" when I am there and leave it at that... so far, so good!

Yesterday, I visited Mam-ma, filled her bird feeder, and took back some clothing I had laundered and ironed for her.  When I arrived, she was not in her room, but residents nearby told me she was in the "library" area near the front entrance.  As I made my way there, I heard the unmistakable talk and laugh of Timothy.  My sister had brought him over for a visit. I found the three of them there... my sister and Mam-ma sitting in chairs, with Timothy perched atop Mam-ma's walker (it has a little seat).  He was looking at a little book made out of fabric with Mam-ma.  We visited for a minute or two, and then Mam-ma insisted we return to her room.

I had noticed when I was outside filling the bird feeder that Mam-ma's heater was running.  The temperature had risen to the upper 70s, and it felt quite nice outside.  Inside Mam-ma's room was another matter altogether.  It was very hot, of course... and she didn't seem to notice, sitting comfortably in her chair wearing a blouse and a jacket made of sweatshirt material!

Timothy noticed a bowl of peppermints on the coffee table.  Mam-ma told him he couldn't have one, but she would find something for him.  She got a fun-sized Three Musketeers bar out of her drawer and unwrapped it for him.  He started eating... the chocolate started melting.  As he navigated the small room fingering Mam-ma's knick-knacks, she admonished, "Don't let him get that candy on the quilt!"  Yeah, right!  I maneuvered him away from the bed, and I opened drawers until I found a roll of paper towels - quickly darting to the bathroom to moisten one.  I returned in time to wipe Timmy's hand and the two drawers he had just smeared with chocolate!

Back to the bathroom with Towel #2... and when I returned, Timmy had switched hands, and now the OTHER hand was covered in chocolate.  My sister finally retrieved the rest of the candy bar and helped Timmy finish it, so we could clean up and be done with that.  I learned later that Timmy gets candy every time he visits.  I said to my sister, "Well, DUH... he knows to ask for those peppermints so he will get chocolate!"  She said she supposed so.  I'm quite sure of it... he's smart enough to figure out that one!

Chocolate and heat and all things considered, it was a good visit.  We sang and "performed" for Mam-ma... and she laughed and clapped at Timmy's antics.  He grew restless, and Mam-ma told me to "Put him on that walker and push him up and down the halls."  I did, while she and my sister visited.  And I told my husband later... the residents LOVED it.  They were gathering in the hallways in anticipation of dinner in the dining hall, and each time we passed them, they oohed and ahhed over Timothy - "Bring him here!  He's so precious!  Come here and let me have a look at him!" 

We forget that older people seldom see a baby or a small child... and they miss them!  And Timmy was fine with all of the attention.  He gave a man named Charley a "high five" - he smiled and jibbered for a couple of ladies I know, and he waved at everyone.

These visits are good for all concerned - they thrill my grandmother... AND her fellow residents. They give us a buffer - something to focus on other than my grandmother's complaints.  And they teach Timmy to love and respect the elderly.  In all, I would say that while the visits had elements of a rodeo, it was still time well spent.

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Money Talks...

It's taken me several days to write about all that has happened with my Mam-ma recently.  I arrived at her house on Friday in time to dispense her medicine for the next 2 weeks.  As usual, there were some days where she had failed to take everything as dispensed.  That is getting to be a common occurrence... although some weeks it's worse than others.  This week, she had not taken her noon-time meds.  I handed them to her and she said, "It's because I didn't eat dinner (lunch in the South)."  "You didn't eat dinner?"  "No, I snacked, so I never sat down at the table."  At least we confirmed she had eaten... and she took the meds.

I mentioned to Mam-ma that I had seen her friend Ruby at the hairdresser's.  I was there to get a pedicure... some post-birthday pampering.  Mam-ma immediately said, "I sure need to have my feet seen about... they are awful."  I said, "Well, we need to get you set up for a pedicure."  She said she could not afford it, and I told her, "It costs $25.  You just got a gift card from your bank for $25... you could use it for a pedicure."  She opened the envelope from the bank and looked at the VISA card.  She did not understand why she had received it, and I explained that the bank had recently revamped their online banking, and this was a gift to customers to compensate for the inconvenience.  I had received one, and so had she. 

"This would be a great use of your money," I suggested.  She sat down at the kitchen table where I was working and looked at the contents of the envelope and then said, dejectedly, "Well, I suspect I'd better spend that on groceries."  I stopped and looked at her and said, "Mam-ma... two minutes ago, you didn't even know you had this $25.  You have plenty of money for groceries.  This is 'found money.'  If you want a pedicure, this would be a great way to pay for it... and a good use of your gift card."  She didn't say anything else about the pedicure, but she asked how to use the card. I explained that she could use it at any store... the grocery store, Fred's, Wal-Mart... just hand it to the clerk, and he/she would handle it for her.  She tucked it into her purse and said, "I'd better put this in here where I will know where it is."

I finished with the medicine, and we started gathering everything for the trip to the beauty shop.  I always check her doors to make sure they are locked, the stove to ensure all burners are off, and the coffee maker to see that it is unplugged.  She checks her purse to make sure she has enough to pay the hairdresser, we get her garage door remote opener, and we head for the garage to collect her walker and load into the car.  As we were walking out the door, she said, "When I get back, me and Ruby are going to eat a meatloaf sandwich and sliced tomatoes."  I told her that sounded good... and it did!

While Mam-ma got her hair done, I ran some errands and bought her groceries - milk, buttermilk, candy, and a loaf of bread (the cheapest loaf of white bread Wal-Mart sells).  When I picked her up at the beauty shop, a friend of hers was there, and I asked, "Was Verna getting a perm?"  "No, she was getting a pedicure."  I told Mam-ma I didn't realize her hairdresser did pedicures, and she said, "Both of them do."  I said, "Hmmm... I wonder what they charge."  "$25," came the reply.  So she had asked!  I suggested she should consider getting one some Friday.  No response.

Mam-ma had given me a Wal-Mart gift card and asked me to "find out how much money is left on this."  I told her, "By the way... there was eleven cents left on your gift card.  It's in my purse."  "Eleven cents," she commented... "well, you can just keep that!" She said it as if she had just awarded me a bonus of $1100!  WOW... thanks!  Then she asked, "Did you ever buy new kitchen stuff with your birthday money?"  I was surprised she remembered that but not some of the other events of the week.  I told her yes, I had just purchased some things - that I had not felt well enough to go to the store before then.  She was very pleased with my purchases.

We got home, and I unpacked the sack of groceries and headed for the door, telling Mam-ma that I had frozen groceries of my own that needed to be put away... it was terribly hot and things were not staying cold long.  I said, "You and Ruby enjoy your meatloaf sandwiches."  She looked rather sad and said, "Well, I don't have a thing to go with them."  I couldn't believe it.  I had just come from the store... I could have bought anything she wanted/needed... and I was not going back now!  I said, "You told me you were going to have meatloaf sandwiches and sliced tomatoes."  She said, "That's right... but I don't have anything to go with them."  I replied, "Well, I'm sure you will figure out something."  I didn't know what else to say.  I said good-bye, and as I headed out the door, she said, "Call me sometime!"  I nodded "okay" and left.

The next morning I went to an auction, and when I returned, there was a telephone message - a pitiful voice saying, "It's just Mam-ma."  I called her back... but got no answer.  I guess she was out with Ruby somewhere.  I left a message, and later she called... "I didn't really need anything... but I need a ride to a birthday party for my friend next Sunday." 

Mam-ma's friend, Lois, will be 101.  Mam-ma has gone to her birthday party for the last few years now... always a bar-b-que lunch at a local campground the woman's family owns.  Mam-ma has wanted me to go with her for years, and it's just never worked out.  For one thing, I have food allergies and must be careful what I eat.  Mam-ma does not understand this and tells me, "If you'd just eat what you want to, you'd be fine."  So she will not understand if I go and don't eat.  At any rate, I told her I know of no reason I can't take her this Sunday, but I would have to check with Greg and see if there is anything I'm forgetting.  She said, "Well, I knew you would have to do that!"  I don't know what she meant by that, and I didn't question it.

She also told me that the person who called to invite her said, "If you don't have a ride, we'll send someone for you - we just don't know who yet."  So it's not like she can't go to this party if I don't take her.  I asked what time she wanted to go - they will start serving lunch at noon.  She said, "Well, I'd like to go early and visit with Lois."  I don't know how they visit - Lois can not hear well at all... and Mam-ma is not far behind her.  So that should be interesting.  Here's a picture of them taken by my friend, David Baker, at last year's party.  Lois is on the left. I think that is a great-grand-daughter in the middle, and Mam-ma is on the right.

Every day is an adventure - and a challenge.  Mam-ma has yet to mention her trip to pick plums and the scare she gave everyone to me... nor did she remember anything about my birthday except to ask if I spent her gift money on what I told her I was going to buy.  I will be shocked if she lets go of that $25 for a pedicure... and I am not going to force her to do so.  If it didn't go as she hoped, I'd never hear the end of it.

I'm learning to sort of roll with the punches... and as long as she is relatively safe, I'm letting Mam-ma pretty well do as she pleases.  It's easier for both of us.  I never know what will happen next... but then, with Mam-ma, that's really nothing new!

Another Mistake...

Last Friday, I shopped for Mam-ma while she was at the beauty shop.  I was not brave enough to venture to Wal-Mart.  Let me explain... we live in a resort community that hugs a 40,0000-acre lake known for its clear water and recreational opportunities.  It beckons people far and wide to come for a visit and a swim, jet-ski and/or boat ride, and more.  And they do... in droves... especially on the July 4th weekend.  An early morning trip to Wal-Mart had done it for me.  I was not going back for a dozen eggs, some milk, and a couple of other items.  So I shopped downtown in a neighborhood grocery store.  My total bill was $14 and some change.  I grabbed the groceries, picked up my grandmother and returned her to her home and got her settled.

July 4th is my birthday, so Mam-ma had a card waiting for me, with cash inside.  She always wants to know what I plan to do with the money, although right away she says, "Now you buy whatever you want with that."  I told her I had decided to buy new kitchen utensils... spoons for cooking, a good sharp knife, and maybe a cutting board.  She said, "Well, that sounds just fine."  Knowing her love of cooking, I figured that she would be pleased.  I thanked her again for the card, said "Good-bye," and headed home.

I was barely in the door when the phone rang - Mam-ma... "Well, I thought *I* was the only one who forgot things."  I asked her what I had forgotten.  She replied... "You forgot to sign the check at the grocery store.  They called me and I told 'em you would call them."  I told her nobody said anything about signing a check... and some places, it's all done electronically and a signature isn't required, so it never occurred to me that I didn't sign the check.

I had my receipts, but I told her I would call, and I reaiterated that *I* had not made the mistake... that honor belonged to the store clerk!  I did call the store, and the person I spoke with wanted me to come in and sign the check.  I told her I was not coming back that day... but I might stop on Sunday on my way to church and sign.

As it turns out, I got some sort of nasty virus and became really sick Saturday night.  By Tuesday, I felt just well enough to dress and drive to the grocery store to sign the check.  My husband said, "By this time, they will have deposited it without a signature."  They had not, and the clerk said, "I called her, and she said you were supposed to have come in Sunday and signed this."  "You called my grandmother again?"  "Yes, this morning.  She said you do all her shopping."  I explained that yes, my grandmother will be 98 this fall, and I did not want her upset with this, and the woman said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know... I've been calling people all weekend.  You are not the only person who didn't sign their check, and many of them were for a whole lot more than your amount!"

I shook my head and left... grumbling that now, not only did Mam-ma think I screwed up initially... she would be upset that I had not taken care of this on Sunday.  Mam-ma did not remember to call me on my birthday, so she had no clue I was in bed, sick with a virus.  And just as I suspected... by the time I got back home, she had already phoned to complain about the check, and my husband had assured her I was at the store at that moment, providing the signature.

This seems like a small thing, but if you are caring for an older adult, you know that they zero in on things like this.  So months later, long after you have forgotten the incident, your loved one says, "Well, you've made another mistake!" - the comment my grandmother tossed at me one day when she thought I had bought her the wrong bra size. (see archives).  There are enough day-to-day challenges without these little added "delights."  Okay, so the grocery store clerk didn't know she was phoning a little old lady about a $14 check... but c'mon people, it was a $14 check!  Were two phone calls really necessary?  If that clerk only knew...

Fodder for the Blog

Whenever something happens lately with my grandmother, I've begun shrugging and saying, "Oh well... fodder for the blog!"  So last week, a dear lady in our community passed away at the age of 102.  Charlsie Baldridge Little was an iconic figure in our community and a tremendous role model for women everywhere. 

Widowed on Pearl Harbor Day at the age of 33, Ms. Charlsie reared two young sons alone, supporting them as a school teacher who made $100 per month!  She managed to stretch that money enough to take summer vacations and introduce her sons to culture and art... such as opera performances they attended by riding a bus some 65 miles to Little Rock. 

Mrs. Little left her sons with their grandparents for a couple of summers while she attended graduate school at Peabody (part of Vanderbilt University) in Nashville, Tennessee.  For a woman to have a master's degree in the late forties/early fifties was rare, particularly in the South... but not if you were Ms. Charlsie!

After retiring in 1973, Mrs. Little formed a local county historical society. She traveled to Little Rock to the state history commission each week to gather data and research family trees.  She also authored a book for the 100th birthday celebration of our community's First Baptist Church - Upon This Rock. Her daughter-in-law, Barbara, (who was my piano teacher), declared Ms. Charlsie to be "a force to be reckoned with" - and she was that and more. 

My mother remembers being in second grade and thinking she would take her cousin's collie dog to school with her.  She envisioned Bing lying beside her school desk, much like Lassie did in the movies.  But when she got to the front door and started inside, her principal - Ms. Charlsie - told her sternly, "Get that dog out of the school house!"  And of course, she did.  She said as a child, she was afraid of Mrs. Charlsie... and one can understand this, because Mrs. Little was so pragmatic, all-business, frank, and yes, stern!  But she was also a model of decency, propriety, and order.

I explain all of this to say that I telephoned my grandmother to see if she wanted to go with me to Ms. Charlsie's funeral.  She did not... she was going to visitation the night before with my mom, and that would suffice.  She added... "I didn't know anything about this until today."  I told her I had assumed her "network" of friends would have let her know right away.  "Well, they didn't," she retorted.  I laughed and said, "They are falling down on the job."  She answered, "Yes, you are!"  I added that I was referring to her Sunday School members, with whom she speaks almost daily.  It was lost on her.

Friday went smoothly... for the most part.  We went to the beauty shop, and I bought groceries.  She had Lysol on the list, and I bought a can of spray... she needed liquid for disinfecting the toilet.  I suggested she get some the next time she and Ruby visited Fred's.

Speaking of Fred's... when Mom took Mam-ma and Ruby to the visitation for Ms. Charlsie, they were getting in their car afterward, and Mam-ma said, "Ruby, do you know where my purse is?"  Ruby asked, "Did you leave it in my car?"  Mam-ma replied, "No, it's at Fred's."  This was Thursday evening... Mam-ma and Ruby had shopped at Fred's on Monday or Tuesday.  Apparently Mam-ma left her purse there, and the store clerks tried to use a phone number inside to contact her, but it wasn't working.  We think maybe it was my sister's old land line number.  Anyway, one of the clerks said, "I know where she lives, and I go by there on my way home.  I'll stop and tell her the purse is here."  I guess they felt that was better than taking the purse, in case Mam-ma didn't answer her door. 

So the clerk stopped and told my grandmother that her purse was at Fred's.  My mom and her husband drove by the store on their way home from the visitation and retrieved the purse.  Mom looked inside, and everything appeared to be there - including $23 in cash.  Mom chastised Mam-ma about being careful... and not carrying a lot of cash in her purse!  Everyone remarked that only in a small town such as ours could something like this happen.  In a major city, nobody would drive to a little old lady's house to let her know her purse had been left.

Mam-ma chalked it up to forgetfulness, but this was the tip of the iceberg.  On Saturday, my sister phoned my grandmother and told her she was coming for a visit.  This was around noon.  Ruby phoned afterward and asked my grandmother to go with her to the nursing home to visit friends.  Mam-ma said she could not... Suzanne was coming for a visit.  My sister stopped at my mom's house for a visit first.  She had baby Timmy with her, and they stayed a half hour or better and arrived at my grandmother's around 2:00 p.m.  The house was locked up tight, and no one would answer the doors.

Naturally, this frightened my sister.  She phoned my mom, and Mom checked with Ruby to see if perhaps Mam-ma was with her.  No, Ruby was at home alone, but this worried her.  Of course, Mom assumed the worst. So she and her husband grabbed their house key and hurried to my grandmother's.  I'm not sure if Ruby came along or not.  Anyway, Mam-ma was not dead in the floor as anticipated... she was not there.  But chicken pieces were baking in the oven... almost burned to a crisp.  Mom said they were rendered inedible.

While Mom and the crew were searching the house for my grandmother, a truck pulled up.  In it were Mam-ma and her friends from church, the Barbers.  They had been to pick plums.  Mom fussed at Mam-ma for leaving the chicken in the oven... she forgot.  She phoned my sister later and apologized for forgetting she was coming.  I don't think it has fully registered with her the gravity of forgetting in such a short period of time all that had transpired... and leaving food baking, to boot.  All she could think about was getting plums to make jelly!

At first, Mom didn't think this really bothered Mam-ma at all.  But she has now phoned my sister at least three, maybe four times to apologize... and she has phoned my mom and her husband once.  She couldn't believe she forgot.  Neither could we.  So there is a pattern developing... and it's not good.  We are all forgetful, but when cooking is involved, the stakes are greatly elevated.  I am not sure how we will deal with this, but we are probably going to have to address it at some point... particularly before "peanut brittle making season" rolls around again.

I know God takes care of these situations in ways we cannot, and I am praying He does this for us.  Ms. Charlsie lived in the nursing home for eight years.  I am not sure Mam-ma could last there 8 weeks.  She would be so miserable.  I love my grandmother dearly and don't want to lose her... but if "the day" comes when she is inside her home when we unlock the door, that will be fine by me.

The Heat is On...

In case you are unaware, it's hot in Arkansas right now - REALLY HOT!  Grass is turning brown and crunching, some spots have had torrential rain while others have had none, and the "dogs days of summer" came about a month early this year.

None of this has deterred my grandmother, who told me, "I just hate for my yard to look bare."  For the record, bare would NEVER describe my grandmother's yard, and to make sure of it, she has been watering her flower beds and vegetable garden.  She claims she starts early - like 6:00 a.m. - but the humidity is so high here that even at that early hour, it's hard for someone her age, and with her health issues, to breathe.  So I should have known what was wrong when she told me yesterday, "I'm not real steady, and I can hardly go." 

On the way home from the hairdresser's, I mentioned that I would have to water our yard if we didn't get an afternoon thundershower.  Mam-ma replied, "Well, I watered and watered this morning, and now I'm give out."  ("Give out" is her term for being exhausted.)   AHA!  So this explains being unsteady and not being able to go!  Anyone half her age would be sacked out under an air conditioner after such a workout, but at 3:00 p.m., in 99-degree heat, she is trudging to my car for the ride back to her house and who knows what else!

Oh, and the air conditioner service call?  She got it... and the bill was sent to me... PAID IN FULL!  I called to inquire, and the receptionist said, "Oh, it's no problem...we can do that for her.  She's just so stinkin' sweet!"  I stuttered and sputtered and thanked the woman and said, "Not always, but thank you!"  She assured me that my grandmother was "so cute" and "knew my grandmother," and I realized... there is no telling what Mam-ma said to this girl.  I can hear it now... "Sugar, I'm just a poor widder woman... how much will this cost me?  I'm not sure I can afford it, but I sure need to have my air conditioner."  Or, "Honey, I'm on a fixed income, so I don't know how I'll pay for this, but I need it!"

I told my mother that I look at these things as "fodder for the blog," and I wondered aloud what I will do for material when Mam-ma is gone.  My mother said, "Oh, I don't know - I just hope your mother doesn't provide it!"  Somehow, I think I'll be just fine.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

Timmy came yesterday morning early and stayed until mid-morning today.  This afternoon was "beauty shop" day and errands.  I went from a morning of diapers and chasing a toddler to an afternoon of Ensure and folding up my grandmother's walker!

My grandmother's grocery list included vinegar.  I just bought her a half gallon of vinegar either last week or the week before.  I said, "Now, I'm just asking... but whatcha gonna do with all the vinegar?"  As she shuffled slowly across the room, she said, "Well, I thought I might make pickles."  She has grown the cucumbers in her little garden.  I didn't say anything else - but I bought another half gallon of vinegar!

Ten Steps to Easier Care of Your Senior Adult

Knowledge is power... and I've harnessed many of my personal experiences into a list of ten steps that can help you better manage the care of your senior adult.  They are not rocket science, but I bet some of them will be new to you - or offered in a manner you had not previously considered.

The leaflet is only $3 and is available in PDF format... e-mailed directly to you.  You can order online using the info on the left-hand sidebar of this blog... PayPal and credit card payments are accepted. 

More informational data sheets may be offered at a later date.  If you have suggestions for topics that might be helpful, please contact me.  I welcome your feedback!

Just in Case...

Things have gone pretty smoothly of late with my grandmother's care.  She has been fairly agreeable, and she has thanked me often - and told me numerous times that she loves me.  Last week I took her to our local hospital for an outpatient check of her pacemaker.  I dropped her off at the covered walkway adjacent to the cafeteria, since we planned to have lunch there afterward.  It was a short elevator ride to her appointment. 

As I drove away, I thought, "Wait!  She's going to be 98 years old this fall, and I just dropped her off at the doorway unattended?"  But then I looked back and she was moving right along on her walker, entering the building.  I reminded myself she takes an almost daily walk around the block without any assistance, so while this was remarkable, getting inside a building by herself was no big deal... to her!

We kept Timothy for three days and nights last week, and he was so much fun, but we were pooped by the time he left.  He still doesn't consistently sleep well... a three-hour nap one day followed by no nap the next!  He fell asleep two nights running while eating dinner in his high chair.  I whisked him to a bath and into jammies... and then he got a "second wind" and was awake for a few more hours.  He walks and crawls everywhere, so we're in a constant state of motion when he is awake as we attempt to keep up with him.

Sunday, my grandmother phoned to ask, "Is it hot at your house?"  Yes, I assume it was the same temperature here as it was three miles on the other side of town.  The real purpose of her call was not determined... and that's okay.  At least it wasn't as bizarre as her call the Sunday before:

Mam-ma: "Are your mother and Lee gone?"
Me: "Yes, they went to have lunch with cousins in Quitman."
Mam-ma:  "Well, I just wondered.  Lee wasn't at church.  Your momma was there, but I didn't see him, so I wondered if they were okay."
Me:  "I don't know what to tell you.  Maybe he had to stay home and do something to get ready for their trip to Branson tomorrow."
Mam-ma:  "Well, I seen him headed toward the basement."
Me:  "The basement where?" (Their house has a basement.)
Mam-ma:  "The basement at church - that's where he parks his truck."
Me:  "So Lee was at church?"
Mam-ma:  "No, he wasn't at church.  He must have taught his Sunday School class and then left."
Me:  "Well, Mam-ma, I don't know what to tell you.  Maybe he got sick or something."
Mam-ma:  "Well, he played his trumpet with the band."
Me:  "So how did he play his trumpet if he didn't go to church?"
Mam-ma:  "He played with the band, but he didn't go to the choir after that."
Me:  "So he was at church?"
Mam-ma:  "Yes, but he didn't stay."
Me:  "I don't know what to tell you.  Obviously they have both gone to Quitman, so he must be okay now."

This was a bizarre conversation, to say the least.  I also told her at least twice that my mom and her husband were going to Branson for a week, so that my mom could do interviews and research for a book she is writing about the history of the entertainment industry in Branson. 

That evening, I related this conversation to my mom, and she said, "That is so weird.  I talked to your Mam-ma when we got home, and she asked if Lee was okay, and I said yes, and she said, 'Well, I didn't see him at church.'  I told her he was there and played his trumpet and sang in the choir as usual, and she said, 'Well I never saw him.'"  (Insert theme music from The Twilight Zone here!)

I tell all of this to explain my title - you knew I'd get to it eventually!  Several weeks ago, Mam-ma called one night and asked me if I thought she should have her air conditioner serviced, "just in case it doesn't work when I turn it on."  Now first of all, Mam-ma's house probably never gets any cooler than 85 degrees, so an air conditioner working at half capacity would most likely serve her needs just fine.  But I told her that it was up to her... the big worry on her part was whether she could afford it.  I assured her she could afford to have the unit serviced, but my husband told her that she should turn it on, see if it worked, and then decide if she needed service.  That was the last we heard about the air conditioner... until last night.

My phone rang about 6:30 p.m. as I was preparing our dinner... Mam-ma. 

Mam-ma:  "Debbie, I think maybe I better have my air conditioner serviced."
Me:  "That's fine.  Call Ricky (my cousin who used to work for a local company who did work on heating and air conditioning units) and ask him who you should contact.
Mam-ma:  "I just got off the phone with Ricky.  He told me to call XYZ.
Me:  "Fine.  We've used him before.  Call him tomorrow."
Mam-ma:  "Well, I'm not sure I can afford it."
Me:  "We've been through this before... you can afford it."
Mam-ma:  "Well, I really don't need it right now, but you just never know.  It's working fine for me, but I am just thinking about other people."
Me:  "You sleep on it, and if you want to call someone tomorrow morning, go ahead.  Have them send a bill, and I will pay it."
Mam-ma:  "Okay."

Figuring out why Timothy is cranky and crying is often a much easier dilemma than trying to decipher some of these "adult" conversations!  In the end, I can see that my grandmother is slipping, becoming more forgetful, and losing concentration.  I am taking one day at a time with her... and honestly, I find myself feeling more patient.  I know the time is short...and I am sure she senses that, too.  For now, we are taking things as they are, and as she would put it, trying to "make do."

When It All Comes Together

Friday, I left Timothy at home with Greg while I took Mam-ma Polly to the beauty shop and did her grocery shopping - and ours.  I was also buying food to prepare for a Mother's Day lunch for everyone yesterday... chicken, baked potatoes, salad, cole slaw, broccoli/cauliflower and cheese, rolls, and fresh strawberries and brownies or blueberry muffins with yogurt cheese for dessert.  In my grocery cart, I had diapers and bottle liners... and Ensure for my grandmother... both ends of the spectrum!Yesterday, as we enjoyed our lunch, gifts and cards, and the "Timothy floor show," I looked at five generations represented... a new mother (Jasmine), my sister's first Mother's Day as a grandmother, two great-grandmothers - my mom and Greg's mom, and a great-great-grandmother (Mam-ma Polly).  Jasmine even brought me a "Mother's Day" card and acknowledge me as an "other mother" to her and Timothy.

As I watched my grandmother playing with Timmy - and him giving her kisses - it all came together for me.  Yes, this is a sandwich - and a wild and crazy one at times - but this is also a time to treasure.  I hope Mam-ma lives long enough for Timmy to truly remember her... but if not, we'll give him memories to cherish via photos, stories and more.  Meanwhile, it was a very good day in our house to celebrate mothers.Pictured below...

• My mother-in-law, known to Timmy as "Grandma Elaine."
• My sister, my mom, and her husband.
• Jasmine and Timothy
• Timothy with Mam-ma Polly and Grandma Elaine
• Timothy with Grandma Elaine
• Timothy and Mam-ma - his great-great-grandmother
• Kisses for Mam-ma Polly

Fodder for the Blog

You can't make these things up.  Today, I ran over Mam-ma's walker!  The day had been going fairly well.  I had run errands for myself, then picked up Mam-ma and dropped her off at the hairdresser's.  She didn't need many groceries, so I decided to buy mine at the same time.  That, too, went smoothly.  I even stopped at the meat market for some steaks for our dinner.

When I returned to the hairdresser's, Mam-ma was sitting in a chair waiting on me.  The hairdresser was running behind when I left, but somehow she had managed to catch up - and then some.  Also waiting was a little friend of ours - and my birthday buddy - whom I call "Maw Mac."  She will be 92 on our birthday in July.  Maw Mac's daughter Marsha arrived in Maw Mac's Buick, and she parked perpendicular to my vehicle - and part of another - in the street.  So we weren't going anywhere until Maw Mac was loaded.  Marsha walked out with Mam-ma and up the passenger side of my vehicle.  She instructed Maw Mac to follow me around the driver's side of my vehicle, because that would put her in the right spot to get in her back seat.  Both ladies had walkers.

I never gave Mam-ma's walker another thought.  She got into my car.  I showed Marsha and Maw Mac pictures of Timothy, and then Marsha helped her mother into the car.  I got in, and when Marsha had driven away, I backed out of the parking lot.  I knew right away I hit something - but what?  I looked around and there was nothing behind me... and then I realized... the walker!  I stopped and got out, and there it lay, beside Mam-ma's door... warped, flattened along one spot, and ruined.  Mam-ma had folded it up and laid it against the back door on her side of the vehicle.  She NEVER does this.  I always fold and put away her walker.  Had she left it... we would not have hit it.  But it was partly my fault, too for not remembering it.

So I will take another walker that Mam-ma has - the one with the "roly-poly wheels" - and have a new walker outfitted for her on Monday.  She was not the least bit upset, because she is not happy with her current walker situation anyway, and this represents an opportunity for something new.  She had just commented inside the beauty shop that she wished her walker had feet on it like Maw Mac's - some sort of flat contraption I'd never seen before on the back legs.  I'll just have to see what the Medical Supply store can offer us.  I had cold groceries today and it was 80 degrees, humid as the tropics, and stormy, so I was not stopping now.

I rolled into Mam-ma's driveway and parked beside her friend Ruby.  I said, "Wonder what Ruby is up to..." and Mam-ma said, "Well, I'm sure we're going to the grocoery store!"  I had Mam-ma's groceries in the back seat!  Sure enough, we unpacked Mam-ma's groceries (buttermilk, "sweet" milk, orange juice and Three Musketeers) and she grabbed her purse.  I got one of her spare walkers for her, and she said, "Oh, no... I'm not taking that.  I don't take a walker to the store."  Ruby chimed in... "She holds onto my arm to get into the store, and then she pushes a buggy - she doesn't know what to do with that walker in the store."  I just shrugged and said, "Have a good weekend, girls!"  It was all I could do.  I'd bet a dollar to a donut Mam-ma buys more groceries while she is out with Ruby.

Fridays are always an adventure!

Spice cake, Michigan apples, and Balance!

Last Friday was a day of juggling and balance!  I ran some errands in the morning, in anticipation of the arrival of Timothy around 12:30 p.m.  When I got home, he was just arriving.  We hurriedly ate a Sonic lunch I had brought home, and then I dashed off to do Mam-ma Polly's errands, leaving Timothy in the capable hands of his Uncle Greg.

Mam-ma's errands were pretty straightforward... I'd already picked up her medications at the pharmacy, so all I had to do was take her to the hairdresser's and grocery shop for both of us while she was there.  She seemed a little addled and forgetful, but nothing too serious.  She had made a spice cake and wanted to share some with us, but when we returned, I was in a hurry, and she forgot, and I got home without any spice cake.

By the time I got home, Timothy was napping (albeit briefly), and Mam-ma was calling to apologize for not remembering the cake.  I assured her it was fine, but she said, sternly, "No, it's not okay... I meant for you to have it."   She said she planned to play dominoes with her friends on Saturday afternoon... that she didn't really feel up to it, but she was going because they didn't have enough players without her.  I assured her she would feel better for having gone.

The next morning, we had not been awake long when Mam-ma called, "I am so sorry I forgot that... I don't know what was wrong with me."  I was not sure what she was talking about, and I told her, and she said, "The spice cake.  I meant for you to have that!"  I told her we had discussed this on Friday, and it really was no big deal.  But it was to her.  So I asked, "Did you make more than you can eat yourself?"  "Well yes," she answered.  I suggested she freeze it and I would get it the next Friday.  She said she guessed she could try this.  So I must remember to ask for the spice cake on the next Friday.

Meanwhile, Timothy was a joy, and our Friday evening and Saturday passed quickly.  On Sunday, his grandmother picked him up around noon... and we entertained company that afternoon.  Getting ready for company and managing a household and a baby is either more of a challenge than one realizes... or I am getting old!  I was very tired.  Timmy didn't sleep well, and we were up late into the night - and slept later in the mornings.  Such is life with a baby!

Timmy returned at noon on Tuesday and stayed until noon on Thursday. We had wonderful spring weather and strolled every day - some days more than once.  Mam-ma has not felt well this week - a stomach bug, we think - so the next errand day may be interesting.  She says she will have a big grocery list (meaning laundry detergent and bleach and such), so we will see. 

One funny thing... last Friday as I returned to Mam-ma's after her hair appointment, I asked about her friend Ruby... how was she doing?  Mam-ma said, "She's fine... we went to Alp's this morning for apples, and she was fine."  Now, Alp's is a grocery store.  I was, at this very moment, unloading groceries for my grandmother from the back of my car!  She said Ruby had gotten some apples at the store that "were delicious - they were Michigan apples."  I am not sure if Michigan apples is a brand name, but surely no apples come from Michigan in March!  At any rate, Ruby had come by and picked up my grandmother Friday morning, and they had gone to the grocery store for apples.  Why they could not also get milk, bread, orange juice and a couple of other things at the same time is beyond me.  But I was not surprised.  Ruby has told me more than once that she and my grandmother grocery shop several times a week.  She is astounded that Mam-ma still has a list of items for me to pick up for her on Fridays.  I'm not surprised at all.  And Friday I may have to search for Michigan apples!

December In a Sandwich Family

The holidays are upon us, and all indications are that my grandmother has her peanut brittle factory in full swing (an offer of candy for my husband yesterday and a comment that she still needs to make a batch for a cousin!). I have given up worrying about it or trying to prevent it and turned to praying that she makes it safely from stove to cookie sheet with hot molten candy lava.

Timmy is seven months old now and mesmerized by the Christmas lights and decorations. Most years, I have my Christmas shopping done by October, the cards mailed by the first week of December, presents wrapped and under the tree the 2nd week, and baked goods to share with family and friends. This year I have most gifts purchased, cards e-mailed - but a box for mailing on the desk, nothing wrapped, and no baked goods. Hopefully I will have a couple of days in a row where I can knock out a few things on my list!

Medicare Part D enrollment is complete for 2010 - somewhat less painful this year than in those past. Everyone is healthy for the moment. We really are blessed and have little to complain about... although we do seem to find something... but I'm working on that, too!

Cousins came from Oklahoma to visit my grandmother Thanksgiving weekend. They brought her twenty-five gifts... wrapped and numbered. She was instructed to open one gift per day, in the order listed, until Christmas! She is having a ball with this. The first day it was a wreath. Day 2 brought a pretty pin for her coat lapel. Day three it was a box of Christmas cards - AND stamps! Day 4 she got a Christmas coffee mug. And so it goes. This was a genius idea - and took a lot of work and thought. But you might have a senior on YOUR list whose holidays would be brightened by this gift extravaganza!

When I did my grandmother's errands this week, she seemed more confused than usual. I spent extra time at her house helping her with some Christmas cards and things... and just reassuring her that she was tired (probably from making peanut brittle the day before) and this would pass. But I do see a steady decline in her. And while I know she can spin on a dime, for the moment, she seems to have mellowed a bit and is very kind and appreciative - and cooperative. Maybe she is just too tired to argue! At any rate, her little house is cozy and decorated for Christmas, thanks to her housekeeper and friends who have brought in fresh greenery and such. Her gifts are purchased and ready to deliver. She is looking forward to spending time with her family on Christmas Eve - especially her great-great grandson Timothy. And the daily packages have given her a reason to get up each morning.

In some ways, 7-month-old babies are not all that different from 97-year-old great-great grandmothers. They both need lots of love and attention. For the moment, God is giving me plenty of stamina to meet these needs... and I have no doubt He will continue.

Have a blessed, happy 3rd week of December!

Are Home Health Care Agencies the Next Business "Bubble?"

Ads for Home Health Care agencies are all over the Classifieds sections of local newspapers these days. Not only are these businesses wanting you to hire their caregivers to assist you our your loved one at home, they want YOU to work for them! Suddenly, the market for Certified Nurses' Aides (CNAs) is huge, and training sessions are springing up everywhere to prepare those who wish to enter the workforce in this capacity.

This is good news, right? With so many people out of work, hasn't the boom in this market has come at a great time? The answer is both "Yes" and "No." CNAs can make between $7 and $10 or more an hour, working in nursing homes, assisted living facilities, and private homes. But not everyone is suited for this work. And therein lies one of the "rubs." Working as a nurses' aide is not glamorous, by a long shot. It is hard work, with lots of heavy lifting and sometimes unpleasant duties. While there are situations where CNAs care for delightful patients who are a daily joy, CNAs often clean some big bottoms and deal with every bodily fluid imaginable. Patients who are suffering from dementia may be violent, or at best, unpleasant and unruly. Facilities are notoriously understaffed, so a CNA may be in charge of the care of well over a dozen patients during a shift.

There are those who become CNAs because they truly enjoy the work... and/or, like my niece, they are working toward a nursing degree, and this job is great experience and helps pay the bills. For countless others, this is "just a job." The difference between "just a job" flipping burgers at McDonald's or stocking shelves at Wal-Mart and being a CNA is that CNAs are caring for someone's parents or grandparents. And let's be honest, we all want our loved ones cared for as well as possible. Should we come to a point where we need extra in-home care for Grandma or Poppa... or worse, they require nursing home care... we expect high-quality treatment. So we want CNAs who are working with our loved ones because they WANT to be there and enjoy caring for them... not those who needed a job and this one paid best. And we don't want this care managed by a company that is impersonal and cares more about the "bottom line" than the quality of services rendered.

While there ARE legitimate, well-run, caring businesses opening to provide caregiving services, particularly home health care, this business trend also shows signs of becoming the next "bubble." Our population is aging rapidly, and as baby boomers begin to get their AARP cards and enter the world of senior discounts, Medicare, and retirement villages, all sorts of markets are developing to meet their needs. And high on the list in the years ahead will be services and care that can allow seniors to continue to live in safety and good health within their own homes.

This trend has not escaped the notice of entrepreneurs who see an opportunity to start a new business venture and, hopefully, make a nice chunk of change. So we see Bob leave the real estate company where he was an agent to start a Home Health Care agency. He gets all of the requisite permits and hires a dozen or so CNAs to represent him and actually do the work while he manages the office. Sounds simple enough, right? Maybe... but this situation is ripe with opportunity for misstep.

A person with a good business "sense" and organizational skills may very well be able to surround himself/herself with qualified people who will "make the company look good." But suppose Bob doesn't have a Registered Nurse on staff or the consultation services of other qualified medical personnel. Who will check on the CNAs in the field to ensure that their work is appropriate, caring, and meets standards and guidelines for quality care? Will Bob have the knowledge and skills necessary to comply with all insurance regulations, bill clients fairly, and troubleshoot problems? Will Bob be genuinely concerned with providing quality care for his clients at a fair rate? Or will he charge $25 an hour, pay his aides minimum wage, and pocket the difference? Will the aides who work for Bob be experienced, caring, professional assistants? Or will they view their work as an hourly wage position that requires showing up, doing the least that has to be done, and collecting a paycheck to feed their family?

Do not misunderstand me. I am a huge proponent of home health care. Without this service, my 97-year-old grandmother would have been placed in a nursing home more than a decade ago, and I am quite sure she would not be alive today. Quality home health care is invaluable, and my grandmother has wonderful, caring, professional CNAs who see to her needs several days per week. Her aides work for an agency managed through our county health department, and Medicare pays for their services. Sadly, the aides do not get as much of the hourly rate paid by Medicare as I feel appropriate, but that is another debate completely. My grandmother's care also includes frequent visits by registered nurses who assess her health in-depth, administer necessary injections (B-12, flu, etc.), and notify her doctor when anything seems amiss with her physical well-being.

A private-care franchised Home Health Care company recently opened for business in my community, and all reports indicate that qualified, caring CNAs on staff are providing excellent care to local residents. The fee is $15 an hour. I have no idea how much of that is paid to the caregiver and how much the business pockets, but at such a low hourly rate, neither can be getting rich. But I am happy to hear that those in our community who need this service now have another option.

So what are we to do? When we find ourselves needing home health care... either personally or for a loved one... where do we turn? Here are some questions to ask potential Home Health Care provider companies as a starting point...

1. How long has the company been in business?
   
2. What is the owner/manager's background for operating such a business? Does this person have personal experience with Home Health Care?


3. Is this person a Certified Nurses' Aide and/or a Registered Nurse? Does the owner/manager have other medical background?
   
4. How large is the staff? What are the qualifications of the staff? Is everyone certified? Does the staff include nurses and other medical personnel? Is everyone properly certified and licensed?


5. What are the rates for services? Are staff members adequately compensated? Is experience and good job performance rewarded?


6. Are references available? Can current clients be contacted for feedback?


7. What is the mission statement of the company? Is the goal of the business to service its clients with utmost quality and care, or did this simply seem like a good new business arena to enter?

The Home Health Care business is just one of many that will "ride the bubble" of meeting the needs of an aging population. Others will surely follow... and this is a good thing. But we must be diligent in ensuring that our goods and services are worthy of our hard-earned dollars... and that our needs, and those of our loved ones, are met with care and professionalism. Home Health Care may indeed be a "business bubble," but it appears to be a service that is here to stay. How well these services are delivered will be mandated in large part by the recipients. Over time, we can hope that the cream will rise to the crop, and those wishing to merely make a quick buck will fall by the wayside.

All That Is Left...

This is pretty much all that is left of a family dinner that my grandmother prepared last night. She phoned me early afternoon and said she was preparing dinner for my mom and her husband, Lee - did Greg and I want to come? I told her I would check with Greg, and she said, "I don't know what you and your momma will eat (mom is diabetic - I have a corn allergy). I'm fixin' green beans, corn, sweet potatoes and a lemon pie." I asked her if I could bring some chicken, and she said, "Well your momma is bringing ribs. I told her I would just go out and get some ribs, and she said she already had ribs cooked." (How did Mam-ma think she would "go out" and get ribs? Mom says she never mentioned getting them to her... Mom offered to bring ribs, and Mam-ma accepted.)

I called Mam-ma back to tell her we would come for dinner and that I would bring some roasted chicken breasts, and I had checked with my mom, and she said she would take Mam-ma some potatoes to cook (Mam-ma's comment was... "I only have 2 Irish potatoes.") We hung up, and Mam-ma called back ... "You can't eat cornbread, can you?" "No, but that is okay," I assured her, and she said, "Well, now... I'm gonna make a pan of rolls, too." Now, for those of you who make homemade rolls, you know what a process this is! Granted, the more you do it, the faster you become, and Mam-ma has done it for 90 years, probably, but it's the stirring of that stiff dough that gives us trouble... and for someone nearly 97 with limited arm strength, it's a definite challenge - or should be. But as you can see, the results were light, fluffy, melt-in-your-mouth delicious... and she sent the leftovers home with us! Yippee!!!

Call #4 was to ask if my sister and her husband were babysitting grandson Timmy. I told her I didn't think so, and I asked, "Can you not reach them on the phone?" She replied, "Well, no, but I haven't tried... I wondered if they would want to come to supper, too." I told her to call and ask them, but... "do you have enough food?" She said, "Well... I don't know... but if we don't, at least we'll all be together." When we arrived, not only were my sister and her husband there, but my niece Jasmine and baby Timmy were there, too... and we had more than enough!

Such a seemingly simple thing as a family supper... such a day-long chore for the woman who prepared it. Mother and I cleaned the kitchen as Mam-ma tottered in and around us, finding containers for a "dab" of this and a "dab" of that to save as leftovers. I showed her the leftover roasted chicken breasts and broth I had brought and suggested she combine all of the vegetables with the meat and create a stew... a dish she seems to be enjoying of late because she can chew everything in it. The dentist says her jawbones are eroding after years of grinding food with her dentures, and her "teeth" now slip and slide and create blisters on her gums frequently. So she likes soft foods that are easily chewed, and the stew is hearty and nutritious for her. Mam-ma put everything into the refrigerator individually, but hopefully she will make a stew today.

One day I think that my grandmother is declining... and she is... and then I look at all she still does for "96 and a half," and I am amazed and bewildered... and extremely grateful. As she sat and held Timmy in her arms last night - all 15+ pounds of him - and never faltered, I thought, "Her arm strength may still surpass mine!" I was reminded that hard work is good for the body - and the soul - and we must never quit! I probably need to make more rolls... but then, that perpetuates the need for even more "work!"

So it was a good evening. We gathered, we ate, we played with the baby. We were together, and truly, it was enough.

All a Matter of Perspective...

I've been catching up on correspondence with others on the Caregiving forum at www.AARP.org... keeps me humble and helps me to appreciate the situation I have and how relatively well things are going with my grandmother - at least now. These posts and the genuine problems of others also point out to me that even when things are operating smoothly, my grandmother will somehow find ways to try to create a problem! Maybe she is one of those people who thrives on chaos!

Thursday we were headed down a neighborhood street as we returned from the beauty shop. We passed a tree service crew cutting pine trees in front of a home, and Mam-ma said, "I sure would like to have that cedar tree in my back yard cut. Ricky (my cousin) says someone who knows about electricity and all would have to to it." I reminded her that the tree is really my mother's to deal with, and that her plate was so full right now that I doubted she would consider it. (Mom owns the house in which my grandmother resides.) Then when we got out of the car, she pointed to that pine tree where her outdoor light and flower bed are, and she said, "And that tree needs to be cut down!" I asked why, and she said, "It's dead!" I looked at it, and it is NOT dead... and I told her, and she said, "Well, every time it storms, limbs come out of it." I told her that's just how pine trees do... every limb has green needles on it... it is NOT dead.

Mam-ma was fairly confused Thursday about a few things... she told me she had fixed a gift for a couple who is having a Golden Wedding Anniversary celebration - Bill and Gail - "you know, they are Sis's mother." Sis is actually BILL's mother! But I let that one slide. As I left, I voices talking. I started to get into the car and still I heard voices. I looked around and finally walked back into the garage, and Mam-ma was stepping out her door and talking away. I went back and asked what she was saying, and she said, "I was just wondering what you spent your money on." I realized she was asking about the birthday money she gave me a month ago. I told her "odds and ends... some scrapbooking things I wanted and such." She said, "Well... whatever (her reaction to many things)... I didn't know if you would buy something big with it or what." She gave me $40 and another $20 "for you and Greg to go out to eat." I felt bad that I couldn't tell her something specific I bought with it, and I said, "Hmmm...well...I bought a blouse yesterday, so maybe that was it." She said again, "Well whatever." I guess I should have made a point to tell her SOMETHING that I bought. Forty dollars is a lot of money to her, so it was a big deal. Maybe I can come up with something to show her that I've bought recently and say it was with my birthday money. I'm getting a thank-you card ready to stick in the mail. I will say this for her... she almost ALWAYS mails us a thank-you card when we give her a gift for her birthday, Christmas, or any other holiday.

Mam-ma had wrapped up a little china cup and saucer from her cabinet for the anniversary party, because they were rimmed in gold and it is the Golden Anniversary. And she had me buy two towels at Wal-Mart today for another shower on the 29th - for the daughter of her church's Minister of Music. We got them all bagged up and ready to go. It tok forever, but Mam-ma hobbled to her spare bedroom and gathered a sack full of gift bag options and another bag filled with tissue paper. In my opinion, little ladies like Mam-ma shouldn't even be concerned with taking a gift, but you know that would never fly! And Mam-ma was adamant that the wedding anniversary bag had to have a gold bow... "because it's the Golden Anniversary." So we got both bags filled, tissued and ribboned, and she was satisfied

Bless her heart... Mam-ma is just declining - no two ways about it. She looked awful when I picked her up, and she said, "I'm havin' this mess (her hair) cut off today." And the hairdresser did give her a short haircut, but it looks very nice. And she had not taken her medicine Wednesday night OR Saturday night. She said Saturday night she got busy with the wedding (and domino party that preceded it!). I admit, I should have thought to remind her to take her meds, since she went from that domino party to the wedding. But I don't know what happened the other night. She had complained almost the whole way to the beauty shop about how she didn't sleep the night before and kept getting up and reading and just didn't know what was wrong. I pointed out it could have been not taking her medicine... that was a Coreg for blood pressure, her Nexium for acid reflux, and her Synthroid for her thyroid. She said, "Well, I"ll take it tonight." I told her to only take the medicine for THIS night... not to try to make up for lost ground!

Mam-ma also had me get bow-tie pasta for her at the store... she said she can no longer roll out her dumplings for chicken and dumplings. My sister told me afterward that you can buy really good frozen dumplings at Wal-Mart. I didn't know that, but I will investigate. (My friend Karen is amazed that she is 97 and has eaten chicken and dumplings all her life. I pointed out she has also cooked with LARD! Longevity is obviously not solely about the diet!) I've made Mam-ma stew a couple of times with bow-ties, and she had never eaten them before, but liked them. She has pretty well NEVER eaten pasta in her life until recently, and she has always said, "I don't like spaghetti." I never even knew her to enjoy macaroni and cheese. But she asked if I thought the bow-ties would work for dumplings, and I told her they would not thicken like dumplings, and she said, "Well, I'll add some flour and water." So I bought her two boxes. I told her if she plans to have leftover chicken and dumplings the next day, don't add too much thickener, because the noodles will absorb liquid overnight. So we will see how this goes. I should be cooking for her more often... I say I am going to, and then "life" happens and I don't, but I must really make a concerted effort to do that.

So now my mom is home from her summer Workamping assignment, and Mam-ma is busy conjuring up things for Mom to do. It started with a funeral over the weekend that Mam-ma called Mom about and mentioned in a forlorn voice that "I should go, but I don't have a way." Mom didn't even know that my grandmother knew the person who had passed, but he was Mom's classmate, and she was going, so she offered to take Mam-ma along. Almost instantly, Mam-ma thought of several reasons she SHOULDN'T go... the heat, the crowd, and more. All she really wanted was to "yank the chain" a bit and make Mom feel like she was neglecting her! She did NOT go to the funeral. And Mom said she was completely miffed when she learned that Mom is going to Branson for a few days this week. Nothing changes for Mam-ma whether Mom is home or away, but she makes a really big deal out of it... I guess it has some "guilt" value!

Sunday at church, our new pastor was asking me what Greg and I do, and I told him that one of the on our list is to care for my 97-year-old grandmother who lives at home alone. He was stunned... "Ninety-seven, and she lives at home alone? I have to go SEE her!" I told him we could arrange that - that she is a hoot - but she attends the Baptist church. (We are Methodist.) He quickly shot back, "I don't care... I still want to meet her." I told him what I meant was that she will try to recruit him for HER church! He laughed and said, "That's fine... I still want to meet her!" So we will do that sometime, and I have no doubt that Mam-ma will ADORE Bro. Tommy. However, it will not score any points for her pastor, Bro. J.R., who is already "on her list" because he doesn't visit her at least once a month! Now, he probably sees her every Sunday at church, but she feels he should take time out from all of his duties to stop in and SIT with her for an hour or so at least once a month. I wonder... has she considered he would have to schedule an appointment between HER other visitors, phone calls and galavanting?!

So today I am praying for those on the Caregiving forum and others who are dealing with extraordinary challenges... like the woman who is trying to manage the care of her three teenage boys AND her 70-something mother who is physically debilitated and in need of daily assistance in order to function on a basic level in her home. I am thinking of those who are sitting in a hospital with an ill or injured family member, uncertain of the future, while their own family struggles to make it through the day back at home. I am thinking of a 50-something grandmother who is caring for her new grandson on the weekends so his mother can work, while she is also managing the care of her husband, who has cancer of the liver. Somehow in the scheme of things, wrapping towels and teacups, making a stew and writing a thank-you card for birthday money don't seem all that important.

Enjoy the Lulls...

We are once again in a "lull" at my house, meaning things are going fairly well for the moment, and I am not complaining! So last week I took advantage of an extra hour to check up on messages in the Caregiving forum to which I belong on www.AARP.org. If you have never visited this website and investigated some of the forums there, you should do so as soon as possible. Great information - great people and suggestions - a winning combination for all of us! As I read through the messages, I was particularly struck by the post from a woman who is the main caregiver for her 73-year-old mother, who is on oxygen, uses a walker, has arthritis, scoliosis, heart problems, and has been plagued by severe depression and anxiety all of her life. There is a housekeeper, but the daughter is basically trying to manage this woman's care. In addition, she is rearing her own three sons, who are ages 18, 16 and 12. The oldest son has suffered from depression since 4th grade, and the middle son has high functioning autism. AND... she has a job, as well! Feeling better about your situation?

This woman was inquiring on the forums about hiring a CNA for in-home care. Her mother was concerned that there would not be enough work for an aide to spend four hours per day with her. I was still trying to digest that she is only 73 and has such serious problems. My own mother celebrated her 70th birthday this spring just before setting out for a summer of Workamping at an Opera camp and conducting interviews in the area during her spare time for articles to contribute to the half-dozen or better magazines for which she writes. And did I mention that her fourth book has just been published?! So being so debilitated at age 73 blew my mind for a moment... until I remember how debilitated my own maternal grandparents were in their 70s.

I also thought of my mother-in-law who is 83 and has recently taken a train trip to visit her 100-year-old aunt in another state. Additionally, she restored four antique trunks in recent months. And we haven't even gotten to my grandmother, who is "almost 97," as she points out readily. Last week when I visited, she had cooked cornbread, green beans, and a chocolate pie (and we're talking scratch here - no pudding mix for her filling!). So this really made me stop and think about how relative age is... and how easily someone can end up in the "Sandwich Generation" - especially if the health of a parent fails early in life or suddenly. I am truly grateful for my own situation and the relative health and activity level of the seniors in my life!

Saturday, my grandmother played dominoes all afternoon with her "buds" - a group of ladies who are almost all in their nineties. The party was hosted by a sweet little lady who has to be in her eighties at best and suffers from some form of cancer that is steadily taking her life. She is taking chemo treatments and spent the entire week in bed, but she rallied to host this domino party - she said getting ready and preparing snacks and desserts kept her mind off how badly she felt! Mam-ma got home from the party about 4:30 p.m., and I picked her up for the wedding of a young friend of my niece's at 5:30. The bride has been like another great-grand-daughter to Mam-ma, and the family had delegated a special seat for Mam-ma at the wedding and the reception... next to the family. Mam-ma had a ball and when I took her home at 8:30 p.m., she declared,"I'm really not all that tired... all I've done is sit!" I bet she slept like a baby! And speaking of babies, my great-nephew Timmy made his wedding debut Saturday night. The photos are of him with his mother AND his great-great-Mam-ma!!!




















Speaking of family... the bride's mother is a single mom who reared this beautiful 19-year-old girl with the help of her parents. Now these parents are facing their own health issues and caring for their two adult sons, both physically and mentally challenged since birth and now in their late 40's or early 50's. Imagine planning a wedding while working nights as an RN and helping your parents care for these men and attend to their own failing health! I am thinking the mother of the bride may be ready for a straight jacket! And I am counting my blessings - aren't you?!