Birthday Cards for 101-Year-Olds

Talk about a week of contrasts!  We've had Timothy this week for a couple of days.  He got his first big-boy haircut on Thursday.  He was such a trooper... didn't cry...didn't wiggle.  Living in a small town often has great advantages, and this was no exception.  My friend since childhood, Tiger, did the haircut, and he was a pro all the way.  It had even more meaning because he gave Timmy such special care and attention.

Yesterday was "beauty shop day," so Greg kept Timothy while I took Mam-ma to get her hair done and shopped for groceries.  Timmy had not taken a good morning nap, so he was a little unhappy... but he did take a short nap while I was away.  Mam-ma was napping when I arrived, but she arose and began getting ready to go to the hairdresser's while I dispensed some medicine and checked her doors to make sure they were locked.

Mam-ma had called me earlier in the week and asked if I would take her to a birthday party for her friend Lois, who will be 101 soon.  I told her I would.  On the way home from the beauty shop, I said, "We need to talk about the party... what time do you want to go?"  She said, "Well... they start serving lunch at noon, so I guess about 11:30."  I reminded her that she had mentioned going early to visit with Lois, and she said, "Yes... that's right... let's go at 10:30."  I suggested maybe 10:30 was too early... that Lois might not be there, and she said, "She lives there (with her daughter)!"  I knew that, but I offered that she might not be ready to receive guests for a noon lunch at 10:30 a.m., and Mam-ma retorted, "Well, she will!"   I asked how long we were staying, and she said, "Oh... I think an hour or so after we eat will be sufficient."  Then she added... "Of course, they may insist I stay longer!"  We may be there all afternoon!

So I told Mam-ma I would pick her up at 10:30 a.m.  I asked... "Does this mean you are skipping church?" (Her church service starts at 10:30 a.m.)  She said she was. A few blocks later, she said, "I tell you what... let's go at 10:45."  I told her that would be fine... I'd be there to pick her up and take her.  I hurriedly unpacked her groceries and headed home.  It was 95 degrees at 3:00 p.m. with a heat index about 105 degrees, and I had ice cream in the grocery sack!  I told her I would be back on Sunday, and she said she planned to rest this weekend for the party.

We were expecting my childhood friend and neighbor and her three grandchildren to visit us and have dinner, so I needed to hurry home and get things in order.  Our friends arrived about 5:30, and we made frozen pizzas and sat down to eat.  The phone rang...it was Mam-ma.  "Do you know what I forgot?  I forgot to get a birthday card for Lois."  I told her, "You have a drawer full of birthday cards, don't you?"  She replied, "Well yes, but not one that says 'Happy 101st!'"  I told her I had never seen a card that said "Happy 101st" - that I'd seen them for the 100th birthday, but I seriously doubted there even is a card for the 101st.  I suggested she pick out her prettiest card and write a sweet note in it.  She reluctantly said, "Well, I guess that's what I'll have to do."  I didn't tell her we had company - and she didn't ask. 

Today, while Timmy and I were napping, the phone rang.  I answered and quietly said "Hello?"  I heard Mam-ma say, "I bet you have the baby."  I told her yes, he was here, and she said, "Well, I'll tell you this fast... Lois is not feeling well, so we're not going as early to the party.  Let's go at 12:30.  I told her that would be fine.  A few hours later, she called and said, "Let's go at noon."  I told her noon it is.  She said, "I think they are going to cut the cake at 1:30, so let's go at noon and beat the crowd."  Now obviously she still plans to be there at 1:30, but we're going at noon - for now!  She added, "Go ahead and go to church."  Then she asked... "What time does your church end?"  I told her 10:30, and we would be fine.  So for the moment, we're going at noon!  I have no idea how this is going to go beyond that!

December In a Sandwich Family

The holidays are upon us, and all indications are that my grandmother has her peanut brittle factory in full swing (an offer of candy for my husband yesterday and a comment that she still needs to make a batch for a cousin!). I have given up worrying about it or trying to prevent it and turned to praying that she makes it safely from stove to cookie sheet with hot molten candy lava.

Timmy is seven months old now and mesmerized by the Christmas lights and decorations. Most years, I have my Christmas shopping done by October, the cards mailed by the first week of December, presents wrapped and under the tree the 2nd week, and baked goods to share with family and friends. This year I have most gifts purchased, cards e-mailed - but a box for mailing on the desk, nothing wrapped, and no baked goods. Hopefully I will have a couple of days in a row where I can knock out a few things on my list!

Medicare Part D enrollment is complete for 2010 - somewhat less painful this year than in those past. Everyone is healthy for the moment. We really are blessed and have little to complain about... although we do seem to find something... but I'm working on that, too!

Cousins came from Oklahoma to visit my grandmother Thanksgiving weekend. They brought her twenty-five gifts... wrapped and numbered. She was instructed to open one gift per day, in the order listed, until Christmas! She is having a ball with this. The first day it was a wreath. Day 2 brought a pretty pin for her coat lapel. Day three it was a box of Christmas cards - AND stamps! Day 4 she got a Christmas coffee mug. And so it goes. This was a genius idea - and took a lot of work and thought. But you might have a senior on YOUR list whose holidays would be brightened by this gift extravaganza!

When I did my grandmother's errands this week, she seemed more confused than usual. I spent extra time at her house helping her with some Christmas cards and things... and just reassuring her that she was tired (probably from making peanut brittle the day before) and this would pass. But I do see a steady decline in her. And while I know she can spin on a dime, for the moment, she seems to have mellowed a bit and is very kind and appreciative - and cooperative. Maybe she is just too tired to argue! At any rate, her little house is cozy and decorated for Christmas, thanks to her housekeeper and friends who have brought in fresh greenery and such. Her gifts are purchased and ready to deliver. She is looking forward to spending time with her family on Christmas Eve - especially her great-great grandson Timothy. And the daily packages have given her a reason to get up each morning.

In some ways, 7-month-old babies are not all that different from 97-year-old great-great grandmothers. They both need lots of love and attention. For the moment, God is giving me plenty of stamina to meet these needs... and I have no doubt He will continue.

Have a blessed, happy 3rd week of December!

All a Matter of Perspective...

I've been catching up on correspondence with others on the Caregiving forum at www.AARP.org... keeps me humble and helps me to appreciate the situation I have and how relatively well things are going with my grandmother - at least now. These posts and the genuine problems of others also point out to me that even when things are operating smoothly, my grandmother will somehow find ways to try to create a problem! Maybe she is one of those people who thrives on chaos!

Thursday we were headed down a neighborhood street as we returned from the beauty shop. We passed a tree service crew cutting pine trees in front of a home, and Mam-ma said, "I sure would like to have that cedar tree in my back yard cut. Ricky (my cousin) says someone who knows about electricity and all would have to to it." I reminded her that the tree is really my mother's to deal with, and that her plate was so full right now that I doubted she would consider it. (Mom owns the house in which my grandmother resides.) Then when we got out of the car, she pointed to that pine tree where her outdoor light and flower bed are, and she said, "And that tree needs to be cut down!" I asked why, and she said, "It's dead!" I looked at it, and it is NOT dead... and I told her, and she said, "Well, every time it storms, limbs come out of it." I told her that's just how pine trees do... every limb has green needles on it... it is NOT dead.

Mam-ma was fairly confused Thursday about a few things... she told me she had fixed a gift for a couple who is having a Golden Wedding Anniversary celebration - Bill and Gail - "you know, they are Sis's mother." Sis is actually BILL's mother! But I let that one slide. As I left, I voices talking. I started to get into the car and still I heard voices. I looked around and finally walked back into the garage, and Mam-ma was stepping out her door and talking away. I went back and asked what she was saying, and she said, "I was just wondering what you spent your money on." I realized she was asking about the birthday money she gave me a month ago. I told her "odds and ends... some scrapbooking things I wanted and such." She said, "Well... whatever (her reaction to many things)... I didn't know if you would buy something big with it or what." She gave me $40 and another $20 "for you and Greg to go out to eat." I felt bad that I couldn't tell her something specific I bought with it, and I said, "Hmmm...well...I bought a blouse yesterday, so maybe that was it." She said again, "Well whatever." I guess I should have made a point to tell her SOMETHING that I bought. Forty dollars is a lot of money to her, so it was a big deal. Maybe I can come up with something to show her that I've bought recently and say it was with my birthday money. I'm getting a thank-you card ready to stick in the mail. I will say this for her... she almost ALWAYS mails us a thank-you card when we give her a gift for her birthday, Christmas, or any other holiday.

Mam-ma had wrapped up a little china cup and saucer from her cabinet for the anniversary party, because they were rimmed in gold and it is the Golden Anniversary. And she had me buy two towels at Wal-Mart today for another shower on the 29th - for the daughter of her church's Minister of Music. We got them all bagged up and ready to go. It tok forever, but Mam-ma hobbled to her spare bedroom and gathered a sack full of gift bag options and another bag filled with tissue paper. In my opinion, little ladies like Mam-ma shouldn't even be concerned with taking a gift, but you know that would never fly! And Mam-ma was adamant that the wedding anniversary bag had to have a gold bow... "because it's the Golden Anniversary." So we got both bags filled, tissued and ribboned, and she was satisfied

Bless her heart... Mam-ma is just declining - no two ways about it. She looked awful when I picked her up, and she said, "I'm havin' this mess (her hair) cut off today." And the hairdresser did give her a short haircut, but it looks very nice. And she had not taken her medicine Wednesday night OR Saturday night. She said Saturday night she got busy with the wedding (and domino party that preceded it!). I admit, I should have thought to remind her to take her meds, since she went from that domino party to the wedding. But I don't know what happened the other night. She had complained almost the whole way to the beauty shop about how she didn't sleep the night before and kept getting up and reading and just didn't know what was wrong. I pointed out it could have been not taking her medicine... that was a Coreg for blood pressure, her Nexium for acid reflux, and her Synthroid for her thyroid. She said, "Well, I"ll take it tonight." I told her to only take the medicine for THIS night... not to try to make up for lost ground!

Mam-ma also had me get bow-tie pasta for her at the store... she said she can no longer roll out her dumplings for chicken and dumplings. My sister told me afterward that you can buy really good frozen dumplings at Wal-Mart. I didn't know that, but I will investigate. (My friend Karen is amazed that she is 97 and has eaten chicken and dumplings all her life. I pointed out she has also cooked with LARD! Longevity is obviously not solely about the diet!) I've made Mam-ma stew a couple of times with bow-ties, and she had never eaten them before, but liked them. She has pretty well NEVER eaten pasta in her life until recently, and she has always said, "I don't like spaghetti." I never even knew her to enjoy macaroni and cheese. But she asked if I thought the bow-ties would work for dumplings, and I told her they would not thicken like dumplings, and she said, "Well, I'll add some flour and water." So I bought her two boxes. I told her if she plans to have leftover chicken and dumplings the next day, don't add too much thickener, because the noodles will absorb liquid overnight. So we will see how this goes. I should be cooking for her more often... I say I am going to, and then "life" happens and I don't, but I must really make a concerted effort to do that.

So now my mom is home from her summer Workamping assignment, and Mam-ma is busy conjuring up things for Mom to do. It started with a funeral over the weekend that Mam-ma called Mom about and mentioned in a forlorn voice that "I should go, but I don't have a way." Mom didn't even know that my grandmother knew the person who had passed, but he was Mom's classmate, and she was going, so she offered to take Mam-ma along. Almost instantly, Mam-ma thought of several reasons she SHOULDN'T go... the heat, the crowd, and more. All she really wanted was to "yank the chain" a bit and make Mom feel like she was neglecting her! She did NOT go to the funeral. And Mom said she was completely miffed when she learned that Mom is going to Branson for a few days this week. Nothing changes for Mam-ma whether Mom is home or away, but she makes a really big deal out of it... I guess it has some "guilt" value!

Sunday at church, our new pastor was asking me what Greg and I do, and I told him that one of the on our list is to care for my 97-year-old grandmother who lives at home alone. He was stunned... "Ninety-seven, and she lives at home alone? I have to go SEE her!" I told him we could arrange that - that she is a hoot - but she attends the Baptist church. (We are Methodist.) He quickly shot back, "I don't care... I still want to meet her." I told him what I meant was that she will try to recruit him for HER church! He laughed and said, "That's fine... I still want to meet her!" So we will do that sometime, and I have no doubt that Mam-ma will ADORE Bro. Tommy. However, it will not score any points for her pastor, Bro. J.R., who is already "on her list" because he doesn't visit her at least once a month! Now, he probably sees her every Sunday at church, but she feels he should take time out from all of his duties to stop in and SIT with her for an hour or so at least once a month. I wonder... has she considered he would have to schedule an appointment between HER other visitors, phone calls and galavanting?!

So today I am praying for those on the Caregiving forum and others who are dealing with extraordinary challenges... like the woman who is trying to manage the care of her three teenage boys AND her 70-something mother who is physically debilitated and in need of daily assistance in order to function on a basic level in her home. I am thinking of those who are sitting in a hospital with an ill or injured family member, uncertain of the future, while their own family struggles to make it through the day back at home. I am thinking of a 50-something grandmother who is caring for her new grandson on the weekends so his mother can work, while she is also managing the care of her husband, who has cancer of the liver. Somehow in the scheme of things, wrapping towels and teacups, making a stew and writing a thank-you card for birthday money don't seem all that important.