We're All In This Boat Together

Several times lately (twice in one recent trip to Wal-Mart), I have commiserated with others who are balancing the care of an elderly loved one with their own lives and responsibilities... and to some extent, the care of grandchildren or other little ones.  Some are dealing with similar issues to mine with my own grandmother - the challenges of aging, dementia, depression, and grief over the loss of peers. Just since the first of this year, five residents of my grandmother's ALF have passed away... and four of those were her close friends.  Another dear friend who lived across the street at the skilled care nursing facility died last week.

Losing five friends in less than five weeks is enough to drag anyone into a deep depression.  So it comes as no surprise that my grandmother has not thought clearly in recent weeks.  One of her table mates sunk into a deep depression over the loss of their dear friend, Ruth, who had been a next-door neighbor to this lady when they were still living at home.  I visited with the grand-daughter of this sweet lady one afternoon at Wal-Mart.  She said, "We could write a book!"  I told her... "My mom already has!"  I also shared a link to this blog, and she has e-mailed me to say she read several posts, and she felt better knowing that others were having similar experiences to hers with her own grandmother.

So I thought this would be a good time to mention my mom's book again.  It's called When Heads and Hearts Collide, and it chronicles much of the journey with my maternal grandparents, both of whom lived out their days in a skilled care nursing facility.  I have shared this book with several friends, and to a person, they have all said, "This could be me!"  So many of the themes of the book are universal among those caring for elderly loved ones.

I would also like to mention a phenomenon that is quite common among the elderly, and that is something called "Sundowning."  Information found at www.mayoclinic.com says that... "the term "sundowning"  refers to a state of confusion at the end of the day and into the night. Sundowning isn't a disease, but a symptom that often occurs in people with dementia, such as Alzheimer's disease. The cause isn't known."  The website lists several contributing factors:  fatigue, low lighting, increased shadows, and disruption of the body's "internal clock".

An article at AARP.org defines "Sundowners Syndrome" as "a cluster of signs and symptoms that occur as darkness falls. The onset can be abrupt and the behavior can have a paranoid quality to it. The person may have delusions they are being watched. Very often they become severely agitated and argumentative. It is common for them to lash out at their caregiver as well. There also may be pacing, wandering, cursing, yelling and hallucinations."

Not all people who "sundown" are what I would consider "elderly."  The husband of my mother's cousin is experiencing this condition in his early 70s, following chemotherapy for lung cancer and other medical procedures.  But the symptoms are very similar...and one of the worst for caregivers is agitation - often to the point of beligerence.  My mom's cousin said that during a recent episode, her husband required medication to calm him... and it took more than one person just to administer the medication.  This can be extremely trying for the caregivers and other loved ones who are standing helplessly nearby.

There are a couple of things that we should remember...

1. Fatigue may play a big role in "Sundowners Syndrome."  Ask yourself whether your loved one has been unusually stressed... perhaps hospitalized and out of the normal routine... or overly tired or run down from an illness or injury.
2. Don't take it personally... even if your loved one lashes out and says it's your fault.  Remember, your loved one is not himself/herself for whatever reason.  This behavior is not deliberate... nor something either one of you can necessarily fix.

I am continually surprised when I talk with others and discover how amazed they are to learn that others experience much the same thing.  There are a lot of you out there who are lonely and isolated... and this is really sad.  Look around when you visit your loved one.  Find someone who is visiting another resident and strike up a conversation.  See if maybe you can befriend each other.  If you know of someone who is dealing with much the same situation as yours, reach out to them.  We really are all in the same boat... and somehow, knowing that we aren't alone is of critical importance.

My  mom's book can help, too.  You can order it from her blog by clicking here.  Look on the left-hand sidebar for the order button.  And sometimes it helps to share your own story.  Please feel free to contact me and tell me about your experiences.  If you permit, I will publish some of them here.  Sharing your own frustrations and loneliness might be the turning point for someone else who is walking this journey... and maybe keep a few of us from jumping overboard!

Could Move-in Day Be In Sight?

The Assisted Living Facility told me on Wednesday that she would contact the DHS caseworker again today if she had not been contacted with a move-in date.  Could today be "the day" that we find out when we can move?  I certainly hope so!

Last night when I phoned Mam-ma about her evening meds, she told me she had worked all day on an old table cloth made by a cousin.  Mam-ma found some crochet thread in her sewing room that matched this cloth, and she thought she would crochet a lace border on it.  In order to do this, she has to punch holes in the hem of the table cloth to insert her crochet hook.  The fabric is very tightly woven, and she was having trouble punching holes.  I asked, "How big is your needle?"  Her reply... "I'm using an ice pick!"

I told her to put the pick and table cloth aside, and I will look at it when I am there next (today).  She said, "Well, I've made myself sick over this."  Then she began to cry.  "Have you heard anything from Southridge?"  I didn't want to get her hopes up, but I couldn't lie... "Yes, the nurse has filed her papers for you, and now it's back in the hands of DHS.  We are supposed to hear something from them about what is happening by Friday."  She said, "Well... I told Ruby that if something doesn't happen in the next few days, I don't think I can make it!"

I gave her a pep talk... told her we're too close to moving... don't quit on me now!  She said it was very hard... she just worries and stews and thinks about it all the time.  My mom asked me last night, "What does she have to do except eat her meals, take her medicine, go about her day and go to bed at night?"  I reminded Mom that anyone in her situation would be anxious.  You have no idea what day is your last in your own home, and you are ready, but nervous, and the anticipation and thoughts and questions from friends and family all just piles up and creates stress.  Mom said she had not thought about it that way.  There is really nothing I can do to keep my grandmother from stressing over this... and little I can do to keep her safe from things like ice picks and faulty wireless doorbell ringers!

Meanwhile, we have not seen our little nephew, Timothy, in a few weeks.  He's been sick with a bad cold, and we've been busy with my grandmother's move.  I saw him briefly at a graveside funeral service for a great-aunt last week.  I snuggled him close inside my coat on a very windy, cold morning, and he fell asleep against my chest as I bounced him while the pastor read scripture and delivered a eulogy.  We are missing him like crazy, and very brief telephone chats that include "Hi!", some jibberish, and "Bye!" are simply not enough!  Once we get this move completed, I plan to have several days with this little guy where we can play and read and dance to "Jack's Big Music Show" and have some FUN!

So I am praying that TODAY we receive a move-in date... that by Monday we are moving some furniture, hanging curtains, and such... and that sometime next week we are driving my Mam-ma Polly to her new abode and settling her in the apartment.  My husband still cautiously reminds me it could be another week or two... but I'm only looking ahead a few days... and praying hard!

Just in Case...

Things have gone pretty smoothly of late with my grandmother's care.  She has been fairly agreeable, and she has thanked me often - and told me numerous times that she loves me.  Last week I took her to our local hospital for an outpatient check of her pacemaker.  I dropped her off at the covered walkway adjacent to the cafeteria, since we planned to have lunch there afterward.  It was a short elevator ride to her appointment. 

As I drove away, I thought, "Wait!  She's going to be 98 years old this fall, and I just dropped her off at the doorway unattended?"  But then I looked back and she was moving right along on her walker, entering the building.  I reminded myself she takes an almost daily walk around the block without any assistance, so while this was remarkable, getting inside a building by herself was no big deal... to her!

We kept Timothy for three days and nights last week, and he was so much fun, but we were pooped by the time he left.  He still doesn't consistently sleep well... a three-hour nap one day followed by no nap the next!  He fell asleep two nights running while eating dinner in his high chair.  I whisked him to a bath and into jammies... and then he got a "second wind" and was awake for a few more hours.  He walks and crawls everywhere, so we're in a constant state of motion when he is awake as we attempt to keep up with him.

Sunday, my grandmother phoned to ask, "Is it hot at your house?"  Yes, I assume it was the same temperature here as it was three miles on the other side of town.  The real purpose of her call was not determined... and that's okay.  At least it wasn't as bizarre as her call the Sunday before:

Mam-ma: "Are your mother and Lee gone?"
Me: "Yes, they went to have lunch with cousins in Quitman."
Mam-ma:  "Well, I just wondered.  Lee wasn't at church.  Your momma was there, but I didn't see him, so I wondered if they were okay."
Me:  "I don't know what to tell you.  Maybe he had to stay home and do something to get ready for their trip to Branson tomorrow."
Mam-ma:  "Well, I seen him headed toward the basement."
Me:  "The basement where?" (Their house has a basement.)
Mam-ma:  "The basement at church - that's where he parks his truck."
Me:  "So Lee was at church?"
Mam-ma:  "No, he wasn't at church.  He must have taught his Sunday School class and then left."
Me:  "Well, Mam-ma, I don't know what to tell you.  Maybe he got sick or something."
Mam-ma:  "Well, he played his trumpet with the band."
Me:  "So how did he play his trumpet if he didn't go to church?"
Mam-ma:  "He played with the band, but he didn't go to the choir after that."
Me:  "So he was at church?"
Mam-ma:  "Yes, but he didn't stay."
Me:  "I don't know what to tell you.  Obviously they have both gone to Quitman, so he must be okay now."

This was a bizarre conversation, to say the least.  I also told her at least twice that my mom and her husband were going to Branson for a week, so that my mom could do interviews and research for a book she is writing about the history of the entertainment industry in Branson. 

That evening, I related this conversation to my mom, and she said, "That is so weird.  I talked to your Mam-ma when we got home, and she asked if Lee was okay, and I said yes, and she said, 'Well, I didn't see him at church.'  I told her he was there and played his trumpet and sang in the choir as usual, and she said, 'Well I never saw him.'"  (Insert theme music from The Twilight Zone here!)

I tell all of this to explain my title - you knew I'd get to it eventually!  Several weeks ago, Mam-ma called one night and asked me if I thought she should have her air conditioner serviced, "just in case it doesn't work when I turn it on."  Now first of all, Mam-ma's house probably never gets any cooler than 85 degrees, so an air conditioner working at half capacity would most likely serve her needs just fine.  But I told her that it was up to her... the big worry on her part was whether she could afford it.  I assured her she could afford to have the unit serviced, but my husband told her that she should turn it on, see if it worked, and then decide if she needed service.  That was the last we heard about the air conditioner... until last night.

My phone rang about 6:30 p.m. as I was preparing our dinner... Mam-ma. 

Mam-ma:  "Debbie, I think maybe I better have my air conditioner serviced."
Me:  "That's fine.  Call Ricky (my cousin who used to work for a local company who did work on heating and air conditioning units) and ask him who you should contact.
Mam-ma:  "I just got off the phone with Ricky.  He told me to call XYZ.
Me:  "Fine.  We've used him before.  Call him tomorrow."
Mam-ma:  "Well, I'm not sure I can afford it."
Me:  "We've been through this before... you can afford it."
Mam-ma:  "Well, I really don't need it right now, but you just never know.  It's working fine for me, but I am just thinking about other people."
Me:  "You sleep on it, and if you want to call someone tomorrow morning, go ahead.  Have them send a bill, and I will pay it."
Mam-ma:  "Okay."

Figuring out why Timothy is cranky and crying is often a much easier dilemma than trying to decipher some of these "adult" conversations!  In the end, I can see that my grandmother is slipping, becoming more forgetful, and losing concentration.  I am taking one day at a time with her... and honestly, I find myself feeling more patient.  I know the time is short...and I am sure she senses that, too.  For now, we are taking things as they are, and as she would put it, trying to "make do."

You Can't Make This Stuff Up!

Earlier this week, my grandmother had an appointment in Searcy, a town 30 miles from where we live, for an echo cardiogram, in preparation for her six-month visit with her cardiologist two weeks from now. My husband offered to drive us to the appointment, and knowing how that would please Mam-ma, I accepted. He left us at the doctor's office and went to do some shopping. The nurse called for my grandmother soon after we arrived and said to me, "She'll be back in 20 minutes." That was 3:20 p.m. At 4:00, I asked the receptionists if everything was okay. They assured me it was. I told them that the nurse had said 20 minutes - 40 minutes ago... and one of the receptionists said - yes, she actually said this - "Oh, time means nothing in a medical office!" I asked why the nurse even bothered to give me a 20-minute time line, and the girl shrugged.

A little after 4:00, Mam-ma emerged, no worse for the wear, but she mentioned in the car that "they really worked me over," and "they mentioned something about a valve problem, but they said the doctor would have to look at all that." We stopped on the way home for Mam-ma to select four pots of mums, which she wanted to set out around her pine tree with her other flowers. When we got to her house, I set the mums around the tree and asked if she planned to put them in the ground. She said, "No, I'm gonna dig around those pots so they will sit up better." Now, some of you will recall my failure at gardening to suit my grandmother last spring, so I didn't even dare offer to do this for her. Greg mentioned that "She has no business doing that herself," but he knew that she would not be happy with the efforts of anyone else. Besides, she had another project for him!

A week or so earlier, Mam-ma had called to talk to my husband. She said, "I need him to look at my bell on the front porch." I investigated when I went to do errands, and it was actually her wind chime. The clapper had broken off... well, actually, the string holding the clapper had rotted. Every time I tried to tie the wooden clapper back on, the string broke again. I finally managed to get it tied successfully, but it was several inches higher than it should have been and did not catch the wind well to clang the pipes and make the "chiming" noise. So when we returned from the doctor's office, Mam-ma told Greg, "I need you to look at that bell. Me and Debbie worked on it and we just messed it up." Now, there was no we in that deal... it was just me, and I was not aware that I messed up anything. However, a few inches of nylon string attached to the rotting string to extend the clapper beyond the pipes, and Greg was the Golden Savior of All Things Wind Chime!

Today, I went for the regular errands - grocery shopping while Mam-ma got her hair done. Her hair appointment is at 2:00 p.m. and usually lasts just over an hour. Mam-ma trudged along with her walker, and it seemed to me she was moving quite slowly today as she traveled from the car to the building and back. Once we left the beauty shop, she said, "I want you to tell me what they said about me at the doctor's on Monday." I explained that nothing was said - we just went for the test - and in two weeks we will return for the doctor visit and see what he says. She said, "Well, they scared the 'far' (Ozarkese for fire) out of me! They really worked me over, and Kathy even came in, and she never comes in!" I asked her what they said, and she repeated that the techs mentioned something about a valve, and "it scared me half to death!" So I said, "Well, first of all, it's now Friday, and that was Monday, and if anything were seriously wrong, someone would have called already. Every day you don't hear something is one more day you don't need to worry." Then I added... "Hopefully, if there IS something there, it can be controlled with medication." I asked, "If there was something that required surgery, are you up for that?" Mam-ma retorted, "Well NO! I'm not having surgery." So I replied, "Then I wouldn't worry about it. IF you have something wrong, they can either fix it with medication or they can't, so you don't need to worry about it." She said, "Well, I only lost one night of sleep over it!" I told her to quit worrying - we would find out what, if anything, was wrong in 2 weeks.

We got home, and I set her groceries on the counter and sat down to dispense her medications for the next 2 weeks. Mam-ma said, "Oh, I have a telephone message... I bet it's Ruby. She wanted me to go to Wal-Mart with her and shop for groceries when I got home from the beauty shop." I thought, "Hmm... I just CAME from the grocery store!" but I let it pass quickly. Ruby's message said something to the effect of, "Polly, it's 3:00... where are you?" Mam-ma called Ruby and got HER machine, so she left a message that we were back from the beauty shop. A few minutes went by, and Mam-ma put away her groceries while I worked on the medicine. Then she said, "Ruby wants me to go with her to Wal-Mart to look for some of those good apples I bought." I told Mam-ma that Wal-Mart was really low on produce today, and I had not seen this specific bag of Michigan apples she wanted in several weeks. But I added... "I bought some apples earlier today at the farmer's market, and they are so good... let me give you some of these. I've been meaning to share them with you." She said, "Well, I bet they are HARD!" I assured her they were not hard... and that if she would slice them, they would be plenty soft for her to chew.

I dashed out to the car and got her a couple. I brought them in and showed them to her, and she said, "Well, they're gonna be hard as a rock." I assured her again that they were NOT hard apples, and that we really liked them. She said, "Well, I'll just slice one and see." So she did, and the next words were, "Why, these aren't hard at all!" I told her I knew that, and she said, "This is delicious.. why, this is one of the best apples I've ever eaten... these are better than the ones I got! You can just get me some more of these!" So I went to the car and got the rest of my apples for her and told her I'd get some more for us later.

Meanwhile, Ruby had never called back, so Mam-ma declared, "She's gone on to Wal-Mart without me." She absolutely went into a tizzy like a little kid. I assured her that Ruby would not do that, and maybe she was just not able to answer the phone. "Well, I'll call again," Mam-ma said. And when the second call resulted in an answering machine recording, she left her name and hung up and said, "Well, she went without me." I told her Ruby would not do that, and she said, "Well, she said on that telephone message, 'it's after 3:00!'" I told Mam-ma, "I bet she's on her way over here now. She'll be here soon." "Well, no she won't!" Mam-ma retorted. "She's done gone to Wal-Mart!" I'm thinking, "So what?! You have apples and all of your groceries." But I could see she was really upset that her friend had gone without her.

I finished with the medicine, visited the restroom, and gathered my keys and cell phone. I still had to go to Wal-Mart for my own groceries, but I thought I would visit my mom first and hit a consignment store downtown and see what new bargains might be there. I put on my jacket and looked up, and Mam-ma was getting a cardigan sweater out of the closet. "Are you cold?" I asked. "No," she answered... "I'm going with you to Wal-Mart to meet Ruby!" Now, I could have told her I didn't plan to go straight to Wal-Mart, but I knew that would make her furious, so I just said, "Oh... well... how do you know Ruby is there?" "Well, I just know she is," she said. "And what do you plan to do if she isn't?" I asked. "Well..." she answered... "I guess I will walk home." I laughed and told her, "Okay... if Ruby isn't at Wal-Mart, I will bring you back home. But I have a LOT of grocery shopping to do, so it's going to be awhile." "That's okay," she said.

Then she added, "Wait just a minute... let me call ALPS." Now, ALPS is a discount grocery store that Mam-ma and Ruby love to frequent. "She might be there." I looked over and Mam-ma is sitting on her couch with the phone book, looking up the number for ALPS. The lady answered, apparently, and Mam-ma said, "Is Ruby XXXX there?" I don't know what the lady said, but Mam-ma said, "Can you ask and see if Ruby XXXX is shopping there?" Apparently they paged Ruby... but she was NOT there! So Mam-ma said, "Well... she's at Wal-Mart!" She slung her purse over her shoulder and got her remote for her garage door, and we started to leave. I asked, "Don't you want to take your good walker, in case you need to sit down?" She answered, "NO! I'm gonna push a buggy." Out in the garage, I tried to get her to take her aluminum walker that folds up... "NO!" she said adamantly, meaning she wanted to hold onto my arm for support - which meant if she hooked up with Ruby at Wal-Mart, it would be RUBY's arm she held onto for support to get home! Now for those of you who don't remember, Ruby is all of NINETY-ONE years young! Spry for her age she may be, but this is really unfair responsibility to impose on her.

Still not wanting to start WWIII, I complied and walked Mam-ma to the car. We drove the few blocks to the highway, then braved the after-school-on-Friday-afternoon traffic and headed to Wal-Mart. Just before we hit the turning lane for the store, Mam-ma said, "I bet Ruby is at the Ford place. We were going there, too." The Ford place is another quarter mile down the highway. "What were you going to the Ford place for?" I asked. "To get our money!" she answered. The Ford dealership is having a giveaway promotion. Every resident in the county, apparently, got a flyer with a key that might unlock a new car... and an offer to stop by for three gold one-dollar coins - and evidently the chance to win $500 in a drawing. Mam-ma and Ruby had done this once before, and she had given my sister and my niece and I each a gold dollar coin. It was a big deal to her.

I asked, "Do you have your papers with you for the money?" "Yes... right here in my purse!" So we headed to the Ford dealership. Now the owner is a friend of mine from church, and he was sitting outside on a bench, visiting with another man I know as an acquaintance. Mam-ma got out of the car as a very nice, tall young salesman approached... "Can I help you?" Mam-ma replied, "Yes, we're here for our money!" I wanted to die! I helped her get toddle inside, and the guy offered us a seat at one of many folding tables surrounded by metal folding chairs with balloons attached to them. The place was packed with people... many writing offers for new cars. The young salesman pulled out two registration forms, and I offered a seat to Mam-ma and said, "You sit here... I'm going outside to visit with the owner." I left her to fill out her form for the $3, and I went outside. I told my friend, "If you don't stop offering dollar coins to little old ladies, I'm going to have to whip you!" He laughed and said it had been great for business... "and she might even win $500!" I told him she had better not... that this would screw up the whole waterworks! He looked puzzled... clearly I need to explain to him what a windfall like that can do to seniors on a fixed income and Medicare/Medicaid!

So a few minutes later, Mam-ma emerged with her three gold coins, and a grin from ear to ear. She said, "That's three more dollars for Timmy (my new great-nephew, and her great-great-grandson)." I would have gladly given Timothy $3 to avoid this trip! Mam-ma went on to say that another friend of hers went and got HER three coins, "and she said she was going shopping and SPEND them!" Mam-ma said that with disgust, like there was something magical about these coins and spending them would be absurd.

We pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot, and you can only imagine how many cars and people were there. It was now probably about 4:00 p.m., so people were there after school, work shifts, and many deer hunters were stocking up to head to their camps to prepare for the upcoming season. It was, in short, a ZOO! I told Mam-ma, "I'm going to let you out at the door and you can sit inside while I go park the car." "Okay," she said. I pulled up at the front door, and with motor running, I started to get out. "You don't need to help me," she said sternly. "Yes, I do," I replied. I helped her get out of the car, and I walked her into the entryway. I pointed to two benches and said, "Now you go sit over there, and I'll park the car and be right back for you, and we'll look for Ruby. Wait right over there." "Okay," she said, and I hurried to my car and tried to find a parking space.

It took me a few minutes to find a parking space, and when I got inside, the benches were not empty... Mam-ma was not there. "Oh, geez," I thought. My next thought was, "Okay, she was cold, and she's waiting inside by the buggies or the produce." Wrong. She was nowhere to be seen. My heart was in my throat. Where could she have gone? I grabbed a buggy and put my purse in it and started looking around. Then, out of the corner of my eye, and wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy off in the distance, I saw a streak of white hair. Mam-ma was at the very BACK of the store near the fabric department. How she got back there so quickly was beyond me, given how she had toddled into the beauty shop a mere hour or so earlier!

I quickly started making my way through the people toward the back of the store, and by the time I got to where I had seen her, she was long gone - to the dairy case! I finally caught up with her there, and called to her, "Mam-ma!" Now, Mam-ma can't hear well at all any more, so I had to shout, and many of the people around me turned and stared. Mam-ma looked up at me like I was a space alien and said, "Huh?" I said, "Mam-ma! You scared me!" She looked so puzzled, and I said, "You were supposed to wait for me at the front of the store, and when I got in, you weren't there... and that scared me! I didn't know what had happened to you." "Oh I was?" she asked, as if she had never heard this before. Now I knew people were staring, and I felt like the mother of a three-year-old who just got caught pilfering grapes from the produce aisle. "Why didn't you wait?" I asked... but I already knew there was no answer... at least none that made sense.

So I told her, "I don't think Ruby is here." "Well," she said, "I need some butter." Okay, so butter was NOT on her list today... and she started looking at the butter. I told her, "I have a lot of shopping to do." "Well, go on," she said. "I'll be alright. I'll make my way back to the front of the store." I looked her square in the eye and said, "I will meet you at the front of the store when I'm done, but it might be awhile... " She said that was fine, and I asked, "You WILL be at the front of the store?" Yes, she said she would... and again she told me to go on and not worry about her. Yeah, right.

I started making my way up and down the aisles, my heart still beating faster than it should, and I was wondering the whole time... "Where is she? Is she okay? Will someone bump into her and knock her over?" About four aisles later, I look up, and there is Ruby. "Ruby!" I said, truly glad to see her... and by the way, she looked stunning in a beautiful tweed jacket and slacks, rhinestone pin on the lapel and her hair freshly styled. "How are you?" Ruby asked. "I'm not sure!" I answered. "I have Mam-ma with me - she's come to Wal-Mart to meet you!" Ruby told me that when Mam-ma did not answer at 3:00, she went on to Fred's to pick up her prescription medicines. She said, "I thought I would drive back by Polly's and surely she would be home and ready to go, but when I got there, she didn't answer her doorbell or a knock on the door, and I got worried something might even be wrong with her." I apologized and explained what had happened... and how Mam-ma had scared me by not being where I left her and dashing to the back of the store, and Ruby said, "She does that to me all the time. I drop her at the door and go to park, and when I get inside the store, I can't find her anywhere... she's already taken off somewhere!" I felt so bad to think Mam-ma is so inconsiderate of her dear friend.

Ruby told me that she would catch up with Mam-ma, and if I saw her at the front of the store, to tell her to wait there for Ruby. I continued shopping, making my way toward the front of the store. When I got there, Mam-ma was in a check-out line, and she had a bag of items. I don't know what she had, because she had already checked out. I walked over to her and told her I had found Ruby, and that she was to wait at the front of the store for her to get finished with HER shopping. Mam-ma froze in her tracks, trying to hear what I was saying and blocking customers behind her. I finally got her moved away from the register, and I could feel a cold blustery wind blowing in from the entryway. I said to Mam-ma... "It's too cold for you to sit on those benches... you aren't dressed warmly enough." She nodded in agreement. "That's okay, I'll wait inside." I reminded her she would have to stand up, kicking myself for not insisting she bring her walker. "That's okay," she said. I finally had no choice but to leave her and go ahead and finish my shopping. I thought about taking her to the deli to sit at a table, but then Ruby would not know where she was. So I left her.

I hurried through the rest of my shopping, but when I returned to the cash registers, neither Mam-ma nor Ruby were in sight. As I walked out of the store, I dialed Mam-ma's telephone number... and Ruby answered. She assured me that they had just gotten home and she was helping Mam-ma get settled. I thanked her and sighed a big sigh of relief. And God blessed me with His favor - the produce stand was still open a little after 5:00 p.m., and I was able to get more apples for our own table.

In retrospect, this is more funny than it was this afternoon. I am also amazed when I consider that my grandmother was like a blaze of lightning pushing that grocery cart, particularly in comparison to her speed behind the walker. I told my mom later, "If there was a way to fold it up and put it in the car for transport, I'd buy her a grocery cart and ditch her walkers!" Still, she would not have a place to sit. Don't even suggest she use the motorized carts at the store. I used one of those when my ankle was broken, and let me tell you, driving them is an ART and takes skill and coordination! They are not designed for 97-year-old grandmothers!

I am not so naive as to think that my "weekly shopping" for Mam-ma comes remotely close to stocking her pantry and refrigerator with everything she eats. I know for a fact she and Ruby go numerous times per week to shop for a handful of items. But this is not the first time that Mam-ma has beat me back to Wal-Mart... but it IS the first time I have driven her there for Trip #2! Clearly she is recovering well from her bout with shingles... and apparently a big part of her anxiety about the trip was getting to the Ford place for her three dollar coins! But I was amazed at HOW anxious she grew... fidgety, almost panicked, when she thought Ruby had gone without her! And again, as with trying to reassure a three-year-old, I could not convince her that Ruby would be along in a few minutes. While I was dispensing medications, I thought to myself, "I'll see these two again in Wal-Mart. Ruby will come by right after I leave and get Mam-ma, and they will probably beat me there today!" Had we waited a little bit longer, Ruby would indeed have been there to get my grandmother.

In retrospect, I realize I should have put my foot down and told Mam-ma that I was not going straight to Wal-Mart and let the chips fall. I told Mom I could hear her little voice saying, "This is a bad idea!" But I also know how in knots Mam-ma gets and how upset I get when she gets mad and ugly, so I took what I thought would be the easier path. What was I thinking?! I thank God that it ended well and everyone got home safely. Greg said, "Well, she yanked your chain good today!" My mom said to me, "Look at it this way... you don't have to do this again until next Friday!" Let's hope so!