Fodder for the Blog

Whenever something happens lately with my grandmother, I've begun shrugging and saying, "Oh well... fodder for the blog!"  So last week, a dear lady in our community passed away at the age of 102.  Charlsie Baldridge Little was an iconic figure in our community and a tremendous role model for women everywhere. 

Widowed on Pearl Harbor Day at the age of 33, Ms. Charlsie reared two young sons alone, supporting them as a school teacher who made $100 per month!  She managed to stretch that money enough to take summer vacations and introduce her sons to culture and art... such as opera performances they attended by riding a bus some 65 miles to Little Rock. 

Mrs. Little left her sons with their grandparents for a couple of summers while she attended graduate school at Peabody (part of Vanderbilt University) in Nashville, Tennessee.  For a woman to have a master's degree in the late forties/early fifties was rare, particularly in the South... but not if you were Ms. Charlsie!

After retiring in 1973, Mrs. Little formed a local county historical society. She traveled to Little Rock to the state history commission each week to gather data and research family trees.  She also authored a book for the 100th birthday celebration of our community's First Baptist Church - Upon This Rock. Her daughter-in-law, Barbara, (who was my piano teacher), declared Ms. Charlsie to be "a force to be reckoned with" - and she was that and more. 

My mother remembers being in second grade and thinking she would take her cousin's collie dog to school with her.  She envisioned Bing lying beside her school desk, much like Lassie did in the movies.  But when she got to the front door and started inside, her principal - Ms. Charlsie - told her sternly, "Get that dog out of the school house!"  And of course, she did.  She said as a child, she was afraid of Mrs. Charlsie... and one can understand this, because Mrs. Little was so pragmatic, all-business, frank, and yes, stern!  But she was also a model of decency, propriety, and order.

I explain all of this to say that I telephoned my grandmother to see if she wanted to go with me to Ms. Charlsie's funeral.  She did not... she was going to visitation the night before with my mom, and that would suffice.  She added... "I didn't know anything about this until today."  I told her I had assumed her "network" of friends would have let her know right away.  "Well, they didn't," she retorted.  I laughed and said, "They are falling down on the job."  She answered, "Yes, you are!"  I added that I was referring to her Sunday School members, with whom she speaks almost daily.  It was lost on her.

Friday went smoothly... for the most part.  We went to the beauty shop, and I bought groceries.  She had Lysol on the list, and I bought a can of spray... she needed liquid for disinfecting the toilet.  I suggested she get some the next time she and Ruby visited Fred's.

Speaking of Fred's... when Mom took Mam-ma and Ruby to the visitation for Ms. Charlsie, they were getting in their car afterward, and Mam-ma said, "Ruby, do you know where my purse is?"  Ruby asked, "Did you leave it in my car?"  Mam-ma replied, "No, it's at Fred's."  This was Thursday evening... Mam-ma and Ruby had shopped at Fred's on Monday or Tuesday.  Apparently Mam-ma left her purse there, and the store clerks tried to use a phone number inside to contact her, but it wasn't working.  We think maybe it was my sister's old land line number.  Anyway, one of the clerks said, "I know where she lives, and I go by there on my way home.  I'll stop and tell her the purse is here."  I guess they felt that was better than taking the purse, in case Mam-ma didn't answer her door. 

So the clerk stopped and told my grandmother that her purse was at Fred's.  My mom and her husband drove by the store on their way home from the visitation and retrieved the purse.  Mom looked inside, and everything appeared to be there - including $23 in cash.  Mom chastised Mam-ma about being careful... and not carrying a lot of cash in her purse!  Everyone remarked that only in a small town such as ours could something like this happen.  In a major city, nobody would drive to a little old lady's house to let her know her purse had been left.

Mam-ma chalked it up to forgetfulness, but this was the tip of the iceberg.  On Saturday, my sister phoned my grandmother and told her she was coming for a visit.  This was around noon.  Ruby phoned afterward and asked my grandmother to go with her to the nursing home to visit friends.  Mam-ma said she could not... Suzanne was coming for a visit.  My sister stopped at my mom's house for a visit first.  She had baby Timmy with her, and they stayed a half hour or better and arrived at my grandmother's around 2:00 p.m.  The house was locked up tight, and no one would answer the doors.

Naturally, this frightened my sister.  She phoned my mom, and Mom checked with Ruby to see if perhaps Mam-ma was with her.  No, Ruby was at home alone, but this worried her.  Of course, Mom assumed the worst. So she and her husband grabbed their house key and hurried to my grandmother's.  I'm not sure if Ruby came along or not.  Anyway, Mam-ma was not dead in the floor as anticipated... she was not there.  But chicken pieces were baking in the oven... almost burned to a crisp.  Mom said they were rendered inedible.

While Mom and the crew were searching the house for my grandmother, a truck pulled up.  In it were Mam-ma and her friends from church, the Barbers.  They had been to pick plums.  Mom fussed at Mam-ma for leaving the chicken in the oven... she forgot.  She phoned my sister later and apologized for forgetting she was coming.  I don't think it has fully registered with her the gravity of forgetting in such a short period of time all that had transpired... and leaving food baking, to boot.  All she could think about was getting plums to make jelly!

At first, Mom didn't think this really bothered Mam-ma at all.  But she has now phoned my sister at least three, maybe four times to apologize... and she has phoned my mom and her husband once.  She couldn't believe she forgot.  Neither could we.  So there is a pattern developing... and it's not good.  We are all forgetful, but when cooking is involved, the stakes are greatly elevated.  I am not sure how we will deal with this, but we are probably going to have to address it at some point... particularly before "peanut brittle making season" rolls around again.

I know God takes care of these situations in ways we cannot, and I am praying He does this for us.  Ms. Charlsie lived in the nursing home for eight years.  I am not sure Mam-ma could last there 8 weeks.  She would be so miserable.  I love my grandmother dearly and don't want to lose her... but if "the day" comes when she is inside her home when we unlock the door, that will be fine by me.

When It All Comes Together

Friday, I left Timothy at home with Greg while I took Mam-ma Polly to the beauty shop and did her grocery shopping - and ours.  I was also buying food to prepare for a Mother's Day lunch for everyone yesterday... chicken, baked potatoes, salad, cole slaw, broccoli/cauliflower and cheese, rolls, and fresh strawberries and brownies or blueberry muffins with yogurt cheese for dessert.  In my grocery cart, I had diapers and bottle liners... and Ensure for my grandmother... both ends of the spectrum!Yesterday, as we enjoyed our lunch, gifts and cards, and the "Timothy floor show," I looked at five generations represented... a new mother (Jasmine), my sister's first Mother's Day as a grandmother, two great-grandmothers - my mom and Greg's mom, and a great-great-grandmother (Mam-ma Polly).  Jasmine even brought me a "Mother's Day" card and acknowledge me as an "other mother" to her and Timothy.

As I watched my grandmother playing with Timmy - and him giving her kisses - it all came together for me.  Yes, this is a sandwich - and a wild and crazy one at times - but this is also a time to treasure.  I hope Mam-ma lives long enough for Timmy to truly remember her... but if not, we'll give him memories to cherish via photos, stories and more.  Meanwhile, it was a very good day in our house to celebrate mothers.Pictured below...

• My mother-in-law, known to Timmy as "Grandma Elaine."
• My sister, my mom, and her husband.
• Jasmine and Timothy
• Timothy with Mam-ma Polly and Grandma Elaine
• Timothy with Grandma Elaine
• Timothy and Mam-ma - his great-great-grandmother
• Kisses for Mam-ma Polly

Enjoy the Lulls...

We are once again in a "lull" at my house, meaning things are going fairly well for the moment, and I am not complaining! So last week I took advantage of an extra hour to check up on messages in the Caregiving forum to which I belong on www.AARP.org. If you have never visited this website and investigated some of the forums there, you should do so as soon as possible. Great information - great people and suggestions - a winning combination for all of us! As I read through the messages, I was particularly struck by the post from a woman who is the main caregiver for her 73-year-old mother, who is on oxygen, uses a walker, has arthritis, scoliosis, heart problems, and has been plagued by severe depression and anxiety all of her life. There is a housekeeper, but the daughter is basically trying to manage this woman's care. In addition, she is rearing her own three sons, who are ages 18, 16 and 12. The oldest son has suffered from depression since 4th grade, and the middle son has high functioning autism. AND... she has a job, as well! Feeling better about your situation?

This woman was inquiring on the forums about hiring a CNA for in-home care. Her mother was concerned that there would not be enough work for an aide to spend four hours per day with her. I was still trying to digest that she is only 73 and has such serious problems. My own mother celebrated her 70th birthday this spring just before setting out for a summer of Workamping at an Opera camp and conducting interviews in the area during her spare time for articles to contribute to the half-dozen or better magazines for which she writes. And did I mention that her fourth book has just been published?! So being so debilitated at age 73 blew my mind for a moment... until I remember how debilitated my own maternal grandparents were in their 70s.

I also thought of my mother-in-law who is 83 and has recently taken a train trip to visit her 100-year-old aunt in another state. Additionally, she restored four antique trunks in recent months. And we haven't even gotten to my grandmother, who is "almost 97," as she points out readily. Last week when I visited, she had cooked cornbread, green beans, and a chocolate pie (and we're talking scratch here - no pudding mix for her filling!). So this really made me stop and think about how relative age is... and how easily someone can end up in the "Sandwich Generation" - especially if the health of a parent fails early in life or suddenly. I am truly grateful for my own situation and the relative health and activity level of the seniors in my life!

Saturday, my grandmother played dominoes all afternoon with her "buds" - a group of ladies who are almost all in their nineties. The party was hosted by a sweet little lady who has to be in her eighties at best and suffers from some form of cancer that is steadily taking her life. She is taking chemo treatments and spent the entire week in bed, but she rallied to host this domino party - she said getting ready and preparing snacks and desserts kept her mind off how badly she felt! Mam-ma got home from the party about 4:30 p.m., and I picked her up for the wedding of a young friend of my niece's at 5:30. The bride has been like another great-grand-daughter to Mam-ma, and the family had delegated a special seat for Mam-ma at the wedding and the reception... next to the family. Mam-ma had a ball and when I took her home at 8:30 p.m., she declared,"I'm really not all that tired... all I've done is sit!" I bet she slept like a baby! And speaking of babies, my great-nephew Timmy made his wedding debut Saturday night. The photos are of him with his mother AND his great-great-Mam-ma!!!




















Speaking of family... the bride's mother is a single mom who reared this beautiful 19-year-old girl with the help of her parents. Now these parents are facing their own health issues and caring for their two adult sons, both physically and mentally challenged since birth and now in their late 40's or early 50's. Imagine planning a wedding while working nights as an RN and helping your parents care for these men and attend to their own failing health! I am thinking the mother of the bride may be ready for a straight jacket! And I am counting my blessings - aren't you?!