Do You Know...My Favorite Dinosaur is Cool? Do You Know Why This Matters?

Last night, we talked to Timothy and his mother for the first time in nearly two long months.  They had spent the day at a nearby lake and botanical gardens/park, and Timothy had LOTS to tell us.  He also had a lot to tell us about his birthday presents - and his dinosaurs... and the repetitive question was a dramatic, "Do you know... that my favorite dinousaur is cool?  I will show it to you!"  Of course, we could not see it on the telephone, but that didn't seem to matter.  And this was all important because????  The 30-minute conversation with our beloved three-year-old was a welcome respite from the focus on my grandmother and her deteriorating condition.

Wednesday and Thursday were remarkably "good" days for Mam-ma Polly.  She was clearer and put more sentences together than she has in months.  She told me about visitors and asked about a mutual friend who is suffering with Bells Palsy.  She said of this person, "I wish I was able to send her a note."   She is still thinking about others - even now.

However, my mom visited on Friday, and nothing was the same.  Mam-ma was virtually unresponsive.  Mom had to keep waking her to talk with her... and even then, she wasn't sure things registered.  And Mam-ma has a pressure wound on her right heel - the leg that is broken.  It's about the size of a quarter, and the Hospice nurse put padded "booties" on her feet to keep them from touching the sheets.  We are told by the nurses that this is the beginning of other problems... like more skin breakdown.  And even worse, Mam-ma is in pain.

We got the doctor to increase her pain medication from 2 times per day as needed to four times per day, as needed.  However, before the six hours is up she is begging and groaning in pain.  When I visited yesterday morning, I found her in a fetal position, clenching the bed rail with both hands, frowning deeply and groaning.  She was in a lot of pain.  We have not been able to reach a doctor this weekend, which I am not sure I understand.  But there are times when the Hydrocodone kicks in that Mam-ma is happy and laughing... it's just that last hour or so before the next pain pill - and then the hour afterward until it takes effect.  When you add them all up, that is a lot of time to be in pain.  Hopefully I can get to the bottom of it tomorrow and get either her dosage strength increased - or the frequency of administering the current amount.  I do not want my grandmother to be in pain at this point.

I know every day is different... and the challenges and frustrations may only increase as we go along.  For all who questioned at the beginning of this week whether Hospice was the right choice, I say, "Go visit her now."  We made the right choice.

At the same time, I am trying to pace myself... and if you are in the same boat - or a similar dinghy - I suggest you do the same.  Last Saturday, my best friend and I attended a party to celebrate the marriage of a mutual friend we have known since childhood.  We laughed, danced, and reminisced... and for a few hours, I didn't think about hospitals, pain, Hospice, or anything sad.  It felt great!  Yesterday, I fired up my sewing machine and made pillows for our front and back porches.  Sewing is my therapy... and I get lost in the beautiful fabrics and calculating yardage and creating something pretty... and I feel happy and peaceful.

In all of these challenges, we have to find balance.  So talking to Timothy last night was the icing on the cake.  Thinking about the carefree world of a three-year-old and his soon-to-be-one-year-old sister made us smile and laugh... something we haven't done often enough lately.  Tonight, if everything holds together, my husband and I plan to veg out on the couch and watch movies... one drama... and one comedy.

This seemingly sudden 180-degree turn with my grandmother should come as no surprise.  I know things can change quickly from here on out... but at the same time, it was a good reminder NOT to be surprised - or to take a "good" day/hour for granted.  I'm still keeping my house in some semblance of order and trying to stay ahead of meals and laundry... and basically keeping my "house" in order (literally and figuratively).  Nothing is certain... of that I am sure.  But I am taking things one day at a time, and relishing in the fact that dinosaurs really are cool... and I know a little boy who can tell me why!

Preparing for Anything...

Today is a "rest day" for me... much needed after the past week.  Timothy stayed with us the first part of last week, and then for a few hours in the afternoons on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, until his GaGa finished with her CNA classes.  Friday, I visited with Mam-ma and did things at home that I had neglected.  Saturday, I learned that my cousin's aunt... the one who just turned 90 and missed her birthday because she had to be hospitalized with a UTI... had passed away.  I factored a visit with my cousins into my afternoon, along with a shopping trip for our own groceries... and shopping for my 85-year-old mother-in-law, who is having knee problems.  My husband had asked her to please stay off her feet - and on her couch... and we offered to bring her some prepared meals and a few other groceries she needed.

By the time I finished all of my "rounds," I was too tired to cook dinner, so Pizza Hut was a welcome reprieve.  Two carry-out pizzas and some R and R on the couch, and I was feeling much better.  However, Sunday I "worshipped at St. Mattress," as my friend Mitch so aptly described it recently, and I caught up on some much-needed sleep and rest. I did a few loads of laundry, ran the vacuum, and did a workout.  Then I picked up Timothy around 4:00 p.m. at his grandmother's (my sister's).

 

Timmy swimming at the Community
Center pool with his great Granny (my mom).

Timmy was wearing a "fever patch" on his forehead, and my sister said he had been feverish and had a runny nose all day.  I brought him home, gave him Tylenol and some children's Zyrtec, and let him soak in a bubble bath.  He seemed better after that, and we played until bedtime.  He slept somewhat fitfully... but he did sleep.  The next morning he was fever free, so I took him to daycare, so that my husband and I could attend the funeral of my cousin's aunt in the afternoon.

Following the funeral, we returned to my cousin's house to visit with the family members we rarely see.  My little cousins, Owen and Olivia were there, and their mother said, "Oh, I wish you had brought Timmy."  So I went and picked him up at daycare and brought him over to play.  On the way to the house, I told Timmy we were going to play with Owen and Olivia.  He was so excited, and he said, "I hug 'em!"  Then he added, "I kiss 'em, too!" 
Then Timmy said, "DebDeb... I so happy!  Are Oooo happy?"  I smiled and told him yes, I was very happy whenever he is happy.  He said, "I happy, you happy, me happy!  Yea!"  So sweet!  And he truly is a happy child... and he enjoyed playing with Owen and Olivia.

Meanwhile, my mother offered to check on Mam-ma for me... and Sunday afternoon, she took her on a long drive.  We are having gorgeous fall weather, and Mom took Mam-ma "all over the countryside," as Mam-ma put it!  She even took her to Sonic for an ice cream cone.  Mam-ma loved every minute of it, and Mom has promised to do this again.  She said, "I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier."  Mom has been a big help with Mam-ma lately... visiting her when I am tied up with Timothy or other things and calling her more often.

Timmy did not sleep well Monday night... more fitful tossing and turning.  Tuesday, he would not nap, and he ran fever off and on all day.  The daycare did not have a vacancy for him, so we just played at home.  Tuesday night, he was so tired that he went to bed at 8:00, but he was awake with nightmares or something at 8:30 and 10:30, and at 1:30 a.m., he awoke drenched in sweat, soaking wet diaper, and asking for milk.  I changed him, stripped off his clothes (amidst a major, ear-piercing, hysterical fit), and settled him back in his bed.  I thought, "He's settled for the night now!"  NOT!  At 4:00 a.m., he awoke, crawled into our bed, and said, "Milk!  Jack!"  I got more milk, changed him again, and turned on "Jack's Big Music Show."

Timmy has been having diaper leakage again, so I've been limiting his night-time liquids and double-diapering at bedtime.  It has worked fairly well the last 2 weeks.  Wednesday morning, we watched 2+ hours of Jack and "Wonder Pets," and we both drifted off to sleep again shortly before 7:00 and slept until 9:30.  When Timmy woke up, he was feverish again and somewhat clingy.

By 10:30, I thought Timmy was ready for an early nap, and he actually said, "Couch!"  We got on the couch and settled in together.  But he asked for more milk, and when I got up to get some for him, he followed me to the kitchen.  He whimpered and I picked him up and carried him back to the couch, where he promptly threw up... a LOT... all over himself, me, the couch, and rug.  I scooped him up and started across the floor toward the kitchen, and he threw up again. This was the first time Timmy has thrown up since he was about 6 months old.  It really scared him.

I quickly stripped both of us and carried him to a makeshift pallet in the living room floor.  Thank goodness we have hardwoods, because we left a trail you would not believe.  My husband came in and wrapped Timmy in a blanket while I ran around in my underwear and tried to sop up the mess and regroup.  Timmy was burning hot with fever, so I gave him 7-up and Tylenol, and he laid limp on the pallet for about 45 minutes.  Then as quickly as he got sick, he popped up and seemed much better!

The rest of the day we tried to remain quiet and keep the fever at bay; however, I could not get Timmy to nap.  We ditched plans for a haircut and a visit to Mam-ma's... apparently this is a "bug" that is circulating in our town, and I can't risk exposing her and the others at the ALF.  My sister picked Timmy up at 5:30 when she completed her last CNA class- she is official now (YEA!).  She said Timmy was asleep before they arrived at home... and he slept until 8:30 a.m. today!

After the baby left, I stripped beds, did laundry, and regrouped... then headed for the couch!  With a good night of sleep, I am better rested, but still tired.  I realize that younger moms do this every single day... but for me, it's a lot... especially with the other factors and people for whom I feel responsible.  I talked with Mam-ma today and explained why I have not been to see her this week.  I feel like I am neglecting her, but I am confident she is safe and comfortable and well-cared for at the ALF... and she knows why I am not coming very often and seems okay with it.

My house is not nearly as clean as I would like, but I am learning to let things slide a bit in favor of being rested and doing what absolutely HAS to be done... and anticipating "the next big thing."  I'm learning to roll with the punches... that comforting a frightened, sick little toddler beats dusted furniture and a haircut any day of the week... and that hearing "I so happy" from my little guy is possibly the BEST phrase in the whole world.

One other thought... Sandwich Generations are nothing new.  At the funeral of my cousin's Aunt Louise, there was a lot of talk about the service this dear lady gave to her family.  She never married... spent 90 years taking care of others.  When her sister suddenly became a widow with three small children and another on the way, Louise took them all in, and they lived with her and Louise's parents... forever.  Louise retired early to care for her ailing elderly mother, then she helped with the care of her sister, who developed Alzheimer's.

Along the way, Louise taught 3 and 4-year-olds in Sunday School for 25 years, helped with the rearing of her sister's four children - school functions, weddings, births of their children and helping to babysit, family gatherings, and much more. Louise's life was very much serving as the "filling" in a sandwich that included elderly parents and her sister on one side... and the younger generations on the other. And nobody could recall ever hearing her complain.

As we reminisced about Louise and noted how well she had loved and care for so many throughout her life, I realized that she is a tremendous inspiration. If I can make my "sandwich" half as rich as hers, I will have truly accomplished something in this world. I don't know how she kept such a positive attitude, but she has motivated me to work on the grumbling, too. Wish me luck!

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BTW... the formularies for Medicare Part D Prescription Drug Coverage have arrived... it's time to start picking our new plan for 2012! So sharpen your pencils and start calculating!