Saying "Good-Bye" Was Harder Than I Expected...

This past week brought some of the most difficult experiences I've had in a long time.  Our little Timothy has been spending time with us and his grandparents for the last 3½ months.  I would say he has probably spent at least 1/3 of those days and nights with us... maybe closer to half.  We have grown very attached, and Timmy truly bonded with us.  My sister said he got up every morning he was at her house asking to come to ours... and every evening when she picked him up at daycare, he asked, "Go to Aunt Debbie's?"  So I knew it would be hard to say "Good-bye" to him when he returned to Texas to live with his mother and baby sister... I just didn't know how hard.

The plan was for my sister and her husband to leave on Sunday, December 4, and drive Timothy to Texas.  However, a scheduling conflict at work caused my sister's days off to be changed.  My brother-in-law called me in a panic around noon on Thursday and said, "We have to leave tomorrow... do you want to go get Timmy and keep him tonight so you and Greg can have some time with him?"  I told him that we did, and I stopped in the middle of decorating for Christmas, grabbed a quick shower, and headed to the daycare to pick up Timothy.  Both the daycare owner and her aide cried when we left.  They walked away so Timmy would not see them.  He happily told them "Bye!" and "See you later!"

We thoroughly enjoyed every minute of the afternoon and evening with Timothy.  We took a walk down the nature trail - taking turns pushing his stroller, and calling it a "big adventure."  We played with toys and rode the tricycle.  We read books, colored, and watched Timmy's favorite TV shows and videos on YouTube.  And we tried not to count the minutes.  My mother came for a visit, and she had a hard time saying "Good-bye."  She had visited Mam-ma before coming over, and she told me that Mam-ma was not doing well... could not put sentences together... and that she had asked about Timmy and cried when Mom told her that he really was leaving.

Friday, we continued spending time with Timmy - doing everything he wanted to do and making the most of each hour.  I knew my sister was planning to pick him up in the afternoon... we had made plans to attend a Christmas dinner with friends that evening. My sister phoned around 3:00 to see if Timmy was awake, but he was about halfway through what I thought would be a two-hour nap.  I assured her I would call her when he awoke.  Greg sat nearby and "listened" for him while I took a shower.  I had just turned off my hair dryer when I heard him whimper.

Greg went to Timmy's crib and tried to console him.  He was crying for his Aunt Debbie.  Before I could soothe him, the phone rang... it was Mam-ma.  I don't know how on earth she does it, but she always seems to sense when I am really busy with Timothy - or even when he is here.  At any rate, she was upset... her glass bluebirds were "missing," and she just knew someone had stolen them.  I assured her they would show up, and I tried to be patient as she complained and disagreed with me. She said, "I've cried more over them than anything... Timmy loved playing with them so."  I told her Timmy was two - tomorrow he would love something else!  Finally, I told Mam-ma that I would come on Saturday and look for the bluebirds, and we hung up.

I returned to Greg and Timmy, and we sat and held him together for several minutes.  He was not good and awake, and he whimpered and sat snuggled against us.  Greg decided to grab a quick shower, and I called my sister to let her know Timmy was awake.  She said they were packing the car, but they would come soon and get him.  By the time Greg finished with his shower and dressed, my sister and brother-in-law were here. 

While Greg showered, I sat with Timmy and talked softly to him.  I told him how much we loved him... that he was going to have a good time in Texas... and that he had to go home with his GaGa and get a good night's sleep so they could leave early the next morning to go and see his mommy and his sister Zola.  I also reminded him that he could call me... every day... more than once.  I reminded him that every time he saw the moon, he would know that Uncle Greg and I love him... and I told him, "Make your mommy read your 'God books' to you and Zola every night!"  He would nod his head in agreement each time.

Timmy was still grumpy, and when he saw his grandparents, he started to cry again. He did not want to go.  Greg and I sat with him and tried to assure him it would be a good thing.  We all just sat for a while... until there was really nothing left to do but gather his belongings and say "Good-bye."  My sister and I were already in tears, and Timmy began to cry loudly.  He clung to me and didn't want to go.  I carried him to the car, screaming and clinging to me.  I put him in and strapped him into his car seat.  Then Greg and I both kissed him one last time, and I shut the door.  My sister said, "You know he will stop crying in a little bit."  I did know that, but it still broke our hearts to stand on our driveway and wave good-bye and blow kisses, knowing it will be months or more before we see our little guy again.  A part of me also cried because I knew he had missed his family... and he would be so thrilled to see them again.

I think God knew we needed a diversion, so he scheduled things in such a manner that we had this dinner party to attend.  He definitely shielded me from the prolonged agony of Timmy's departure.  I didn't have time to burst into tears and wail for hours, like I would have liked.  I had to finish dressing and get my food together for the potluck dinner, then get in the car and drive to our friends' house.  Greg and I both went into the "get-ready" mode and didn't say much to each other.  I told my mother today that I know God shielded me all night, because I slept fairly well, and it wasn't until the next day when reality truly began to sink in and I had time to be sad and grieve a bit.

Even then, I didn't have much time for sadness, because I had promised to go to Mam-ma's and look for the bluebirds.  I entered her room, and she was in a tizzy... they were still missing.  I started looking... under the bed, I found one.  She always keeps the birds atop the heat and air unit underneath her window, so I started systematically looking in that area.  The first object I came to was a decorative hat box on the floor.  I removed the lid... there were the other 3 bluebirds.  Mam-ma became irate... "Now those were not there 30 minutes ago!" she exclaimed.  She said that the maintenance man, James, had come into her room and assured her that he would find them.  I told her, "Maybe he put them in here for safe keeping."  She didn't believe me... but she insisted I bring the bluebirds home with me for safekeeping. 

It was almost time for lunch, so I put the birds in my car and went back inside to walk Mam-ma to lunch.  We sat for a while and visited with the other ladies at her table.  I noticed a tall young man walk through the dining area with bags of lab equipment slung over his shoulders.  I thought, "He's here to draw blood from someone."  In the next minute, a nurse was coming toward us, "Ms. Polly... the man is here to draw your blood."  She explained to me that the doctor had made monthly rounds on Friday, and he had ordered a Urinary Analysis and blood work... "because Ms. Polly is so confused.  She is accusing people of stealing from her, and she can't put sentences together coherently." 

I explained to the nurse that Mam-ma was upset because Timothy was leaving.  The nurse did not realize that this was happening, and she understood and agreed that this probably was contributing to the confusion.  She had seen Timmy and me there visiting Mam-ma the previous Sunday.  I told her that I knew all about the bluebirds, and she said, "James went into Ms. Polly's room and found them this morning."  I told her that I now have the bluebirds.  I asked if she would notify me before the doctor changed any medications or did anything differently, and she said, "Oh, absolutely!" 

I explained that we have seen a rapid decline in Mam-ma in recent weeks, and that she is praying to die.  I told her, "We really don't expect to have her much longer."  She seemed surprised, but she agreed that Mam-ma is definitely declining rapidly.

I added that Mam-ma could live another ten years, but I feel like she is beginning to lose her ability to function mentally, and the nurse agreed, adding that Mam-ma comes to the nurses' station several times a day and cannot remember why she is there.  I stayed a little longer with Mam-ma and left her in the dining room eating her lunch.

When I got home, my sister called to say that they had made it to Texas, and I could hear Timmy squealing and laughing in the background.  She said his reunion with my niece was amazing... that when he saw her, he began squealing "Mommy!  Mommy!"  Then my niece sent me pictures of our happy little boy, and I knew we would all be just fine.

I called my Grandmother on Sunday to assure her that Timmy is safe and well... and to remind her that I have the bluebirds.  She said, "Well, we'll see... there are still about three birds missing."  I told her that we only moved into Southridge with five birds, and I think one got broken several months ago.  Last Sunday, there were four birds for Timmy to play with... and I brought home four birds.  I told her, "Nobody is stealing from you... I have all of your bluebirds, and no one is taking anything else."  She said, "Well, I'm not so sure."

So the changes have begun. It's been so quiet around our house, and it seemed strange to finish the Christmas decorating this weekend, knowing Timmy and Zola will not see it.  But it gave me something to do to keep busy... and I was already more than 2/3 decorated, so it seemed silly not to finish.  Mam-ma has not called again... and I did not call her today. 

Mam-ma did call early last week to ask Greg why we didn't come to her birthday party.  It took her forever to get out her questions... and Greg wasn't even sure she knew who she had called.  We finally determined that Southridge had a collective party for all who celebrate birthdays in November.  Greg assured her that we were not invited... that the party was for her and her friends there at Southridge.  He reminded her that we did have a party for her... we took her to lunch at a local restaurant.  But he was really bothered by how confused she was... and how difficult it was for her to speak on the phone.

Today, Mam-ma's long-time housekeeper, Mary, phoned me and asked if Mam-ma is sick.  I told her no, and she said, "Well, I just talked to her, and she didn't sound well."  So I explained what has happened and Mary said, "I've made sugar cookies using Ms. Polly's recipe, and I wanted to take her some tomorrow if you think it's okay.  She is like family to me."  I assured her it was fine... that I can't promise Mam-ma will eat them, but please go and take them.  Mary said she would not stay long, but she would take cookies and some chocolate drop candy that Mam-ma enjoys.

People are so kind and loving to Mam-ma... including the staff at Southridge.  I told Mary today that I think Mam-ma is losing her mind... and if that is the case, I hope she doesn't linger.  It's not my call, and I know that... but I remember how hard it was to talk to my maternal grandmother and visit her after dementia set in.  She always seemed to recognize me and my mother... but she had a baby doll she thought was a real baby, phantom "thieves" and ne'er-do-wells who visited her room, and she insisted my grandfather (who had been dead for several years) was living in the nursing home with another woman - she saw them dining together in the dining hall.  I do not want my Mam-ma to suffer those indignities.

My husband asked me tonight what I plan to do with my spare time, now that we are not keeping Timmy several days/nights each week.  I told him I have a stack of projects I've set aside.  I am sure I will have no trouble finding something to do.  I am also sure that there will be more to attend to for Mam-ma in the coming days/weeks, as well... and this time I will not have to juggle the care of a little one in order to get it all done. 

The changes continue...and there will be more hard "good-byes" to come.  But for now, I am resting... in more ways than one... and resting in God's promises that He will never give me more than I can handle - and that He will truly supply every need of mine and my family.

The Distance from 2 to 99 is Shorter Than You Think...

Today was my grandmother's 99th birthday.  My husband and I took her to eat catfish at a local restaurant she likes.  We invited other family members to come along.  Joining us were my sister, my cousin and his wife, and of course... Timothy, who was probably Mam-ma's favorite guest.  Actually, it was probably a toss-up between him and my husband, and she sat between two of her favorite fellows.  Having my cousin across the table made her day complete.

Mam-ma is tired.  She looked well and ate fairly well, but when I phoned her this morning, she said she was going back to bed for a while.  She said, "I think it's all downhill from here."  Of course, in true "Mam-ma fashion," she told Timothy a couple of minutes later, "I feel purty good," when he asked her "You feelin' good?"

Timothy spent the night with us last night.  He was so exhausted from a full week of early mornings and long days at daycare.  Since my sister works the 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. shift at a local nursing home as a nurse's aide, he has to be dropped off at daycare at 5:30 a.m.  He does take a 2-hour nap (sometimes longer) each day, and he goes to bed early, but it's still tiring for a 2-year-old.  So he came to our house tired and cranky yesterday, and he spent the first hour or so alternating between playing with toys and standing at the window and crying, his lower lip protruding... saying, "I sad."  Broke my heart.

I finally persuaded him to take a bath, and after soaking and playing with his toys for a while and watching "Jack's Big Music Show," he was rejuvenated and actually played and sang and was a very happy little boy until bedtime.  Thankfully, he has begun going to bed without much fanfare... three stories, two songs, lights out, and he was asleep.  Thank you, LORD!  However, he did awaken this time at 2:00 a.m. and was unable to settle himself back to sleep.  So we had to watch some more "Jack" and "Wonder Pets" and snuggle for awhile.  I put him in bed with me, and he finally went back to sleep before 4:30 a.m. and slept until 8:30.  But just before he succumbed to a second round of slumber, he leaned down from watching "Wonder Pets" and planted a big, spontaneous kiss on my face.  How can you argue with that?!

Today, my husband and I juggled tending to Mam-ma and Timothy throughout the meal.  My husband is such a blessing, and I couldn't manage without him.  He took one vehicle and drove to the ALF to pick up Mam-ma.  The car seat was in our larger SUV, and we decided Mam-ma might not be able to climb into it at this stage.  So I drove Timothy to the restaurant.  After lunch, Timmy went home with my sister, so I swapped cars with Greg and drove Mam-ma back to the ALF.  The maneuvering of a walker into the back of the car is not the same as fastening a toddler into a car seat, but the amount of finagling and rigamarole required is about the same for both.

Once settled back in her room, Mam-ma sat on her bed and talked of resting.  I figured she would have afternoon company.  Morning visitors had happily disrupted her plans to "go back to bed," and as I suspected, she had several guests this afternoon.  She complained that she is not able to make the walk to her friend's apartment in the evenings for tea and have any energy left to enjoy herself.  She also complained that her pants were too tight and she was miserable.  She changed pants, and I took her sharp sewing scissors and snipped some elastic loose from those she wore to lunch... giving her needed breathing room for next time!

I told Mam-ma she needed to rest in case company came, and I gave her a hug and a kiss... and she cried - just as Timothy had cried at the restaurant when I hugged and kissed him and told him he was going home with his grandmother.  They cried for different reasons, but at the end of the day, "I sad" would pretty much cover both of them.  And just like I was unable to console Timmy as he cried and couldn't get back to sleep, I have no answers for Mam-ma at this stage, either, except to tell her that the LORD clearly is not ready for her and she must still have things to do here!

Mam-ma may very well surprise me and live to see her 100th birthday, but I have my doubts.  Life is just beginning for Timmy... but for my grandmother, it's winding down fairly quickly.  He is tired from so much play and the daily absorption of tons of new knowledge.... she is weary from 99 years of learning and living.  So many similarities exist between a 2-year-old and someone who is 99.  The number of years that distance their ages may be vast, but the span of emotions and reactions to them is shorter than you think. 

Mam-ma will probably tell others she had a wonderful time, but her limited attention span and hearing loss keep her from fully engaging in conversations and interactions with others now, and it didn't seem like she had all that much fun from my vantage point.  Truly her favorite part of the day was feeding the mountainous plate of chocolate cake and fudge-topped ice cream the restaurant bestowed upon her to Timothy...one gooey spoon at a time.  And that's good enough at this stage, I suppose.  We were together... we celebrated and gave cards and gifts, hugs and kisses, and shared a meal.  What else is there, really?  I'm glad we had this day... and that we got to share it as a family.  Time will tell if we get to do it again next year.

Where Has Another Month Gone?

I knew it had been a long time since my last post, but almost a month... really? That should tell you something about how things have been going. It has at least seemed like an unusually busy month, and certainly there has been no time to get bored! But isn't that the life of all of us who are members of this Sandwich Generation?!

My sister finished her CNA classes and began a job at a local nursing home, working the 6:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. shift. Thankfully (and to my amazement!), the daycare that Timothy attends opens at 5:15 a.m. I asked his teacher, "Do you really have children come that early?" She nodded her head and said, "Oh, yes!" So Timothy arrives at 5:30 a.m., and my sister picks him up in the afternoons, sometime after her shift is over. So far, he is doing well... he certainly enjoys that late morning nap for 2 hours or more! But he is thriving at the daycare and really loving his teachers and his new friends.

When I last posted, my grandmother had just had her monthly visit from the facility physician. She had given him the same complaint she has given me for years, "I can't pee." If you have followed this blog for a while, you know that we even made a visit to her previous family physician for this once, and he tried to explain that she takes Lasix and does not need to go on the hour, every hour, all day long. But still, she continues to complain. So in an effort to appease her, the new doctor ordered an "in and out cath" to see how much urine she retains after going to the bathroom... and to show her that she is really emptying her bladder.

When I arrived for a visit, she said, "The doctor has been here, and he told that nurse they would do surgery." I questioned her... "Surgery? On what?" "Well, on my kidneys... I can't pee." That's when I found the doctor in the facility making rounds, and he assured me it was not surgery - just this "in and out" procedure.

The catheterization showed little urine in the bladder. But in the words of the LPN who administered the procedure, "It looked nasty." A culture was ordered, and we were told that there would probably be medication forthcoming... but not until Monday.

Meanwhile, Mam-ma began to complain of burning and being uncomfortable. The nurses kept telling me, "The doctor cannot prescribe any medication until the cultures are conclusive as to which bacteria is involved... and that will take 3 days." It took roughly four, since the pharmacy that serves the facility did not deliver any medication until late Monday night, and somehow there were no orders from the nurse (or any that were seen by an aide) for the medications to be administered. I now have a box of AZO tucked away in Mam-ma's bathroom that the LPNs or I can administer for the burning, if she has problems again.

In retrospect, this is what has been dragging my grandmother down for weeks. She had a UTI in late July/early August and was on antibiotics. When she became dizzy and disoriented in late August and we transported her to the ER, the attending physician's first idea was, "She has residual infection." But the labs came back clear. Now we realize that this test was probably a "dip stick" in a cup of urine... and without a culture, the underlying infection was not discovered.

At any rate, injections of a very strong antibiotic were ordered for 7 days, accompanied by 7 days of oral antibiotics and something for burning. And... over the weekend, the nurse telephoned and said, "We think Polly has pink eye. Her eye is red and swollen this morning. It's either that or allergies... or she slept on it wrong. We're ordering an antibiotic for that, too!" For seven days, Mam-ma took THREE antibiotics. Now she says she feels better from the UTI, but she is still trying to recover from taking so much medicine.

During all of this, we continued to keep Timothy a day or two here and there. One Saturday morning, I took him to his first birthday party... for a fellow daycare attendee who was turning three. This was a "prince and princess party" - about four little girls in princess attire, and two little boys. Timmy did not go in costume. The party was held at a local playground, and the parents had added a "bouncy castle" and a pinata, as well as a craft project, a cake that looked like something from the Food Channel programming, and party favors that went on for days. The bar is set high for future parties!

My 2 favorite boys... Timothy's
first football game!

Timmy had a ball, but he came home exhausted and really cranky and ready for a long nap. We've also taken him to a couple of local high school/junior high football games lately, and he has loved that... especially the band. It seems that we're learning to take him along wherever we go and continue with our plans as much as possible... knowing full well we may be leaving early. One night we didn't make it to halftime... Timmy fell asleep in my lap during the 2nd quarter!

With the routine of daycare and my sister's job in place, we were actually able to take a few days to help with a conference that was held in our community by the company we developed and sold six years ago. We still stay in touch with the new owners and try to keep up to speed on what is happening with our "baby," and this gave us a chance to renew some relationships and see firsthand how the business is doing today. But it was a hectic, tiring string of days/nights, and then it was back to our "routine" with our own family and household.

After several days of bouncing back and forth between caring for Timmy and seeing about Mam-ma and the conference, I had a chance this week to finally work on our house and get it cleaned and back in some semblance of order. I realized that it had been several weeks since I had actually done laundry for us, so that in itself took a full day or more. When you are washing towels and baby clothes and pajamas every day or so, it is easy to lose track - until you don't have any clean underwear!

We kept Timmy for a couple of days last weekend while my sister worked, and all day Saturday, he was fine. Saturday night we were watching videos on the computer when he suddenly erupted... vomiting everything he had eaten for three days, it seemed. Greg helped me get him stripped and to the bath tub, then watched him while I changed MY clothes and cleaned up the mess. Yes, if you are following this posts, this is twice this month that we have had these events.  This little boy has had a rough few weeks!

After that, Timmy seemed subdued, but okay... until the next morning, when he was sick again. I watched him closely all day and monitored his food and drink, but by Monday morning, he was better and fever free, so I took him to daycare. He did pretty well all day, but that evening, my sister said he threw up all over HER... her first foray into this side of our precious charge! Bless his heart... he is so pitiful when he's sick... and it scares him - he does NOT understand what is happening. My sister had Tuesday off, so she kept Timmy at home and made sure he was feeling better.

I managed to get our house cleaned, laundry washed and ironed, and everything in place before the weekend. Greg had cousins visiting from out of state, and we were planning to spend time at with his family. I made a visit to the ALF to make sure Mam-ma was okay. I picked Timothy up on Friday afternoon at the daycare and brought him to spend the night with us. Greg's family came to our house for a visit and take-out pizza, which made it much easier with the baby. Yesterday we went for a brief visit at Greg's brothers... Timmy in tow... before my sister picked him up when she was finished working.

Today my mother has taken my grandmother for an afternoon drive to see the fall color, which will help her spirits tremendously. Tomorrow, Timmy will Trick-or-Treat at her apartment (I left candy there for her to give him), and next weekend, we will take her to lunch to celebrate her 99th birthday on Saturday. I am hoping that the days in between will be uneventful. The doctor will return for a monthly visit on Friday, and I anticipate that he will declare her to be greatly improved... if not completely well.

I feel like for the moment we are settled into something of a routine... helping with Timothy as needed while my sister works... checking on Mam-ma several times a week... and trying to have a life in between. My husband is so good to go and visit my grandmother, refill her bird feeder, and spend a few minutes with her - just the two of them. She loves that. I already know of at least two people who are planning to visit her from out of town on her birthday, and that will be huge, also. For now, we're trying to make the most of every day... savor the special moments with our little nephew AND my aging grandmother. So far, so good! Yeah, what am I saying?!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

On another note, I still have some checking to do, but it looks like I will not have to change Medicare Part D Prescription Drug Insurance providers for the first year since the program was implemented! Thank you, LORD!!! I think I have had five providers, so far...and that doesn't count the one that Medicare so nicely switched me to on their own the first year! (I got it switched back, since their plan covered virtually NONE of Mam-ma's drugs!) I am glad that at least once, it looks like I won't have to go through all of the shenanigans that are involved to transfer to yet another provider. I will make a call to the pharmacy to doublecheck this tomorrow, but it is looking pretty good at this point! Yippee! See how little it takes to make us Sandwich Generation "fillings" happy?!

AND... a cousin recently suggested to me that I needed to have a DNR order handy for my grandmother, so that no heroic measures will be taken to keep her alive, should something happen. These are her wishes, and I mistakenly assumed that the Living Will covered this. It does not! So... we now have a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order on file at the ALF, along with a copy of her Living Will. With both of these in place, no life-sustaining measures should be enacted, were she to have a stroke or heart attack, etc. If you do not have these documents for your aging loved ones, I encourage you to get them. You can download the forms online, or talk to your attorney and ask him/her to supply them.

I talked with Mam-ma about the DNR paper to be sure these were her wishes. She insisted they were, saying she did not want to be a vegetable. "And besides," she added... "the sooner I'm off your hands, the better!" I told her emphatically that she is NOT "on my hands," but I had assumed she was after a "one-way ticket." She said, "Well, I AM!" Gotta love my grandmother!

I hope things are well in your "Sandwich" this week!

A Day Full of Changes

Today was a day of changes. I took Timothy to a local in-home daycare facility to "test the waters" and see how he would do. He did better than I expected. I decided a few days ago that he needed the company and stimulation of children his own age. I told my mother, "Timothy is bored." She countered, "How could he possibly be bored at your house with all of the toys, books, and you and Greg to entertain him?!" I replied, "He's done it all by noon - twice!" I talked with moms of small children and others and decided that a few days a week at a local daycare would help him... and give his grandmother and me a breather, too.

So this morning, we visited, played, had lunch, and came home. I slipped into in another room a couple of times to see what he would do, and always, he came looking for DebDeb... "Where are oooo?" And he was not having any of the lying down on rest mats for nap time. So rather than cause a scene, we left. The teachers assured me that when I am not there, he will mimic the others and lie down without incident... something I experienced myself as a kindergarten teacher. And I hope so, because he is going back for the day later this week.

While we were there, my husband phoned to tell me that my dear friend, my "Birthday Buddy," Geraldine McCurry, whom I call MawMac, died last night. She was 93 on our birthday, July 4th... and she told me then that she was ready to go to heaven. Sadly, her almost-60-year-old daughter, Mary, died Saturday. Mary was born with cerebral palsy that crippled her body... and her family valiantly cared for her at home until she was well into her adult years and MawMac and a live-in caregiver both became too old to continue in-home care. This entire family treated Mary with love and respect in a time when most families put disabled children into group homes or facilities and treated them much differently. Mary had a bright mind - communicated clearly with her family members - and even played a mean hand of bridge! She was always amazing to me.

Everyone suspected that when one died, the other would not live long. We just didn't know it would be only a day apart. I saw MawMac yesterday, but she was sleeping and I didn't wake her. I last saw her awake on Tuesday, when I returned from the ER with Mam-ma. She was in the hallway, and aides were rolling her to the dining hall for dinner... her medications in one hand, a can of Coke with a straw in the other! I will forever remember the infamous "chicken livers" conversation of a month ago, when she informed me that "Someone needs to tell the kitchen you fry chicken in flour, not batter!"

This evening, I pondered the irony of this day - my angst at taking 2-year-old Timothy to daycare... would he feel I had abandoned him? Would he be frightened and confused? Would he have fun, as I hoped? On the other hand, I thought of my dear friend MawMac, who gave me such joy and wonderful advice... who never met a stranger, but could get to the heart of the matter and demonstrate Christian love and dedication like no other. She is no longer there to visit when I visit Mam-ma at the ALF. No more funny stories of life as we knew it in our small town when I was a child. No more great recollections of seeing my mother before I was born and suggesting she wait and have me on her birthday (and she did!)... no more shared cakes and Happy Birthday phone calls... and no more days of pain and suffering for her in her tiny body shrunken by osteoporosis some four plus inches.

A week ago, MawMac's two surviving daughters were struggling to juggle the care of their sister and their mother... wondering who would go first... wondering how the other would handle the passing of either daughter or mother. And now, in the course of a weekend, both women are gone. And just like that, their lives are changed forever. Last week, a minister in our area was preaching a funeral and fell dead in mid-sermon. He was fifty-five.

I called Mam-ma this afternoon to see how she was doing. She said, "Kindly sad." She then said someone had asked her how she was feeling about her friend's death, and she said, "Relieved." She knew MawMac was not well... and that she would be so grieved over her daughter's death. At the same time, it's hard on these older folks when their friends pass away... a harsh reminder of how brief the time is that they have left on earth.



Celebrating Geraldine's 90th - 3 years ago

 On days when we wonder how we will manage... how we will get it all done, we would do well to remember how quickly time passes... how fast babies grow... how soon our elders are gone... and how fragile life really is. Today was one of those days for me... a day to cherish the time I have with Timothy as he experiences milestones and growth spurts... a day to check on my grandmother, make sure she was doing okay, and encourage her to spend time with her remaining dining table mates and encourage one another...and a day to reflect on the blessing of my dear friend Geraldine, whom I called MawMac.