Older... and Wiser?

We've been celebrating quite a few birthdays lately.  My husband and two of our little ones had birthdays in May... they are now four and two - I won't share my handsome man's age!  My sister and my mother-in-law had birthdays in June, and we celebrated my birthday on July 4th with a family dinner at my mom's.  I know for certain she cooked ALL DAY in preparation... and we feasted like kings and queens at a festive table bedecked with red/white/blue table linens, candles, centerpieces and even candy favors at each place setting.  I told her I would have been totally satisfied with a sandwich supper... but she said that would never do!  Have I mentioned that cooking big family-style dinners is a Southern tradition in my family?!

We gathered for a group photo... our first since Christmas Eve.  I'm posting both so you can see how we have changed!



Christmas Eve, 2012



July 4th, 2013

My husband and I have started taking Timothy and Zola to church with us.  We pick them up, and then most Sundays we pick up Grandma "E".  While the children have Sunday school, we attend worship service... and then we all go to Burger King or McDonald's for lunch!  It seems to be a good fit for all of us, and Timothy and Zola entertain all of us royally.  They love their Grandma "E" and always are glad to see her.  We haven't tackled taking baby Nathan (almost one) along yet... wish us luck when that happens!

Ice cream at Burger King with Grandma "E"



 

Our little Nathan, almost one.

For the moment, things are going fairly smoothly in our neck of the woods.  My mom and her husband are taking Timothy on his first trip to Branson, Missouri in their motorhome.  They will attend KidsFest at Silver Dollar City, play in the pool at the resort where they park their rig, and attend a couple of shows.  Timothy is beyond excited... I hope Granny and Pap-pa Lee took their vitamins!  While they are away, Pap-pa Lee will turn 75... Granny is 74... and Timothy is 4 going on 14!  It should be interesting!

We are in the process of finding someone to remodel Grandma "E's" bathroom to make it more accessible for her.  Now age 87, she is having some issues with the bathtub, and the time has come to transition to a shower with a seat and a hand-held sprayer.  She seems to have accepted this.  Should she insist on taking a bath once in awhile, she will still have a tub in the guest bathroom that we hope can be outfitted with more grab bars to make it safer.  There are things that she still wants to do and is unwilling to relinquish (like puttering in her yard and garage and dog sitting), and for the most part, we are okay with this.  But they come with consequences... like stiff and sore joints, the risk of falls, and more.  We think we are prepared to deal with these possibilities, as well.

If I learned anything with Mam-ma Polly, it's that you have to pick and choose your battles.  I am trying to apply this theory to all age groups.  Some days are better than others.  I'm also trying to "let go and let God" - to practice what I preach.  I was not happy when my mom announced in May that she and Lee might be Workamping this summer in North Dakota... and then spending the fall in Kentucky... and we might not see them again until Christmas Eve.  But the North Dakota trip did not happen... and for the first time in YEARS, Mom was actually home for my birthday - and my sister's birthday - and we enjoyed wonderful family get-togethers for both.  (See what happens when you let God handle things?!)  I assume the fall trip is still a "go," and I am rolling with that!

My sweet husband is the best son - and uncle - in the world.  He is so patient with his mother.  Each Monday after he delivers Meals on Wheels for the local Senior Citizens Center, he picks up take-out somewhere and goes to his mother's and shares lunch with her.  He handles all of her yard work - mowing, trimming, fertilizing, weed control... and many other things around her house.  His older CPA-brother handles the finances, but my husband has offered to help his mother with her bill paying and small matters in between monthly visits from big brother.

On the "uncle" front, this man is truly hands-on.  He helps with everything from getting the children to church and back, playing in the park on a sunny day, watching one child while I bathe or change another, general playtime, meals, reading stories, bed-time kisses, and so much more.  He serves as a part-time "dad" to the children's parents... a mentor, financial advisor, and moral support.  It truly does take a village to see after all of these generations... and he's the greatest!

 

 

So here we are... many of us a year older... and hopefully a little bit wiser!  There are still new challenges - and I'm sure there will be setbacks - but we will weather them, with God's help.  I pray that things are well in your neck of the woods.  As always, I would love to hear your "Sandwich" stories.  Please send them to me if you are willing to share.  We can all learn a lot from each other.  What's your story?

100 Years... and Counting & the Party That Almost Wasn't!

On November 5, 2012, my Mam-ma Polly celebrated her 100th birthday! To mark the occasion, we planned a "small," family-and-just-a-few-friends get-together on Sunday, November 4th, in the parlor at the Assisted Living Facility (ALF). When I say "small" and "family" in the same breath, I am talking upwards of 100 people! I knew that Mam-ma would be overwhelmed, and with her inability to speak more than a few words, having an "open house" for all of her church family and the community at large to come and go would be entirely too much for her. So we invited family, her Sunday school class members, the pastor and her deacon, and one or two others.

Two weeks before Mam-ma's birthday, the stomach bug hit our community with a vengeance. It coursed its way through the ALF... at least twice. As far as I know, Mam-ma only got it once, but my sister, who is a nurse's aide at the ALF, brought it home to the rest of us. Timmy got it at our house, and then my husband and I got sick. In fact, we were still so sick by Halloween that we had to forego inviting trick-or-treaters to our house. So all we have is photos of our little ones in their costumes, provided by my mom and niece. We had enjoyed watching Timmy play in the lion costume I made for him several days earlier... but we didn't get to put treats in his bucket on the actual holiday.

Thinking everything was over, we ordered the birthday cake on Thursday before the party was to be held on Sunday.  On Friday, I visited Mam-ma at the ALF... and the nurses halted me in the parking lot to warn me that "the bug is back!"  They were frantically disinfecting door knobs, hand rails, salt and pepper shakers in the dining room... anything they could think of that residents touched in the course of a day.  We debated what to do about the party.  Mam-ma was gaining momentum... working herself up to a top-level excitement for her big day.  We decided we could not disappoint her.  We had to notify everyone of the circumstances, put out big bottles of hand sanitizer, and try to keep people confined to the parlor near the front entrance of the ALF.

By Sunday, my niece and almost all of Timmy's family was sick again with the bug. My mother was sick with an upper respiratory bug that was also circulating. A few family members and friends opted not to join us and risk catching something. In total, some 45 people braved everything to wish my Mam-ma Polly a Happy 100th Birthday. And Mam-ma outdid herself. My sister and I arrived early and dressed her in one of her nicest suits. She donned her rhinestone earrings, and we applied her face powder and lipstick. We fluffed her gorgeous white hair, and she provided the trademark smile... and she looked like a million bucks - and nowhere near her 100 years of age.

For two hours, friends and family circulated, ate cake and drank coffee, lemonade and soft drinks, and I snapped photographs while greeting the guests. Mam-ma received over 75 birthday cards, both during the party and before and afterward. I have read every single word of each one to her, and she has loved them.

Mam-ma Polly and her best friend, Ruby.

My husband, Greg, Mam-ma Polly, and me.

Mam-ma Polly and her Sunday school friends.

Mam-ma Polly and her deacon, Hal Caid.

Mam-ma Polly with one of our cousins, Carston O'Dwyer.

More cousins... Haley, Grayson, and Jack O'Dwyer with
their dad, Kevin, and Mam-ma Polly.

The day after the party, Mam-ma received flowers, balloons, and more.  The ALF went "all out" to make her feel special.  I anticipated a huge letdown afterward, but so far, she has not done too badly.  I know that she was one tired little lady for several days, and maybe she is still recovering.  Meanwhile, the "bug" seems to have moved on, and all is routine again.  I am splitting my time between caring for my niece and her family and three little ones, and seeing after Mam-ma's needs.  Neither is easy, at times... and I've learned that keeping a three-year-old, 18-month-old, and three-month-old by myself for a few hours makes this great-aunt very tired!

I don't know what lies ahead for Mam-ma.  My sister and I will join her on Tuesday for the ALF Thanksgiving luncheon.  One of her table mates passed away last month... and another is declining rapidly.  And this worries her.  I assured her that the LORD will take care of her ailing friend... and her.  After all, isn't this what she has always told me?

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Distance from 2 to 99 is Shorter Than You Think...

Today was my grandmother's 99th birthday.  My husband and I took her to eat catfish at a local restaurant she likes.  We invited other family members to come along.  Joining us were my sister, my cousin and his wife, and of course... Timothy, who was probably Mam-ma's favorite guest.  Actually, it was probably a toss-up between him and my husband, and she sat between two of her favorite fellows.  Having my cousin across the table made her day complete.

Mam-ma is tired.  She looked well and ate fairly well, but when I phoned her this morning, she said she was going back to bed for a while.  She said, "I think it's all downhill from here."  Of course, in true "Mam-ma fashion," she told Timothy a couple of minutes later, "I feel purty good," when he asked her "You feelin' good?"

Timothy spent the night with us last night.  He was so exhausted from a full week of early mornings and long days at daycare.  Since my sister works the 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. shift at a local nursing home as a nurse's aide, he has to be dropped off at daycare at 5:30 a.m.  He does take a 2-hour nap (sometimes longer) each day, and he goes to bed early, but it's still tiring for a 2-year-old.  So he came to our house tired and cranky yesterday, and he spent the first hour or so alternating between playing with toys and standing at the window and crying, his lower lip protruding... saying, "I sad."  Broke my heart.

I finally persuaded him to take a bath, and after soaking and playing with his toys for a while and watching "Jack's Big Music Show," he was rejuvenated and actually played and sang and was a very happy little boy until bedtime.  Thankfully, he has begun going to bed without much fanfare... three stories, two songs, lights out, and he was asleep.  Thank you, LORD!  However, he did awaken this time at 2:00 a.m. and was unable to settle himself back to sleep.  So we had to watch some more "Jack" and "Wonder Pets" and snuggle for awhile.  I put him in bed with me, and he finally went back to sleep before 4:30 a.m. and slept until 8:30.  But just before he succumbed to a second round of slumber, he leaned down from watching "Wonder Pets" and planted a big, spontaneous kiss on my face.  How can you argue with that?!

Today, my husband and I juggled tending to Mam-ma and Timothy throughout the meal.  My husband is such a blessing, and I couldn't manage without him.  He took one vehicle and drove to the ALF to pick up Mam-ma.  The car seat was in our larger SUV, and we decided Mam-ma might not be able to climb into it at this stage.  So I drove Timothy to the restaurant.  After lunch, Timmy went home with my sister, so I swapped cars with Greg and drove Mam-ma back to the ALF.  The maneuvering of a walker into the back of the car is not the same as fastening a toddler into a car seat, but the amount of finagling and rigamarole required is about the same for both.

Once settled back in her room, Mam-ma sat on her bed and talked of resting.  I figured she would have afternoon company.  Morning visitors had happily disrupted her plans to "go back to bed," and as I suspected, she had several guests this afternoon.  She complained that she is not able to make the walk to her friend's apartment in the evenings for tea and have any energy left to enjoy herself.  She also complained that her pants were too tight and she was miserable.  She changed pants, and I took her sharp sewing scissors and snipped some elastic loose from those she wore to lunch... giving her needed breathing room for next time!

I told Mam-ma she needed to rest in case company came, and I gave her a hug and a kiss... and she cried - just as Timothy had cried at the restaurant when I hugged and kissed him and told him he was going home with his grandmother.  They cried for different reasons, but at the end of the day, "I sad" would pretty much cover both of them.  And just like I was unable to console Timmy as he cried and couldn't get back to sleep, I have no answers for Mam-ma at this stage, either, except to tell her that the LORD clearly is not ready for her and she must still have things to do here!

Mam-ma may very well surprise me and live to see her 100th birthday, but I have my doubts.  Life is just beginning for Timmy... but for my grandmother, it's winding down fairly quickly.  He is tired from so much play and the daily absorption of tons of new knowledge.... she is weary from 99 years of learning and living.  So many similarities exist between a 2-year-old and someone who is 99.  The number of years that distance their ages may be vast, but the span of emotions and reactions to them is shorter than you think. 

Mam-ma will probably tell others she had a wonderful time, but her limited attention span and hearing loss keep her from fully engaging in conversations and interactions with others now, and it didn't seem like she had all that much fun from my vantage point.  Truly her favorite part of the day was feeding the mountainous plate of chocolate cake and fudge-topped ice cream the restaurant bestowed upon her to Timothy...one gooey spoon at a time.  And that's good enough at this stage, I suppose.  We were together... we celebrated and gave cards and gifts, hugs and kisses, and shared a meal.  What else is there, really?  I'm glad we had this day... and that we got to share it as a family.  Time will tell if we get to do it again next year.