Ten Steps to Easier Care of Your Senior Adult

Knowledge is power... and I've harnessed many of my personal experiences into a list of ten steps that can help you better manage the care of your senior adult.  They are not rocket science, but I bet some of them will be new to you - or offered in a manner you had not previously considered.

The leaflet is only $3 and is available in PDF format... e-mailed directly to you.  You can order online using the info on the left-hand sidebar of this blog... PayPal and credit card payments are accepted. 

More informational data sheets may be offered at a later date.  If you have suggestions for topics that might be helpful, please contact me.  I welcome your feedback!

Just in Case...

Things have gone pretty smoothly of late with my grandmother's care.  She has been fairly agreeable, and she has thanked me often - and told me numerous times that she loves me.  Last week I took her to our local hospital for an outpatient check of her pacemaker.  I dropped her off at the covered walkway adjacent to the cafeteria, since we planned to have lunch there afterward.  It was a short elevator ride to her appointment. 

As I drove away, I thought, "Wait!  She's going to be 98 years old this fall, and I just dropped her off at the doorway unattended?"  But then I looked back and she was moving right along on her walker, entering the building.  I reminded myself she takes an almost daily walk around the block without any assistance, so while this was remarkable, getting inside a building by herself was no big deal... to her!

We kept Timothy for three days and nights last week, and he was so much fun, but we were pooped by the time he left.  He still doesn't consistently sleep well... a three-hour nap one day followed by no nap the next!  He fell asleep two nights running while eating dinner in his high chair.  I whisked him to a bath and into jammies... and then he got a "second wind" and was awake for a few more hours.  He walks and crawls everywhere, so we're in a constant state of motion when he is awake as we attempt to keep up with him.

Sunday, my grandmother phoned to ask, "Is it hot at your house?"  Yes, I assume it was the same temperature here as it was three miles on the other side of town.  The real purpose of her call was not determined... and that's okay.  At least it wasn't as bizarre as her call the Sunday before:

Mam-ma: "Are your mother and Lee gone?"
Me: "Yes, they went to have lunch with cousins in Quitman."
Mam-ma:  "Well, I just wondered.  Lee wasn't at church.  Your momma was there, but I didn't see him, so I wondered if they were okay."
Me:  "I don't know what to tell you.  Maybe he had to stay home and do something to get ready for their trip to Branson tomorrow."
Mam-ma:  "Well, I seen him headed toward the basement."
Me:  "The basement where?" (Their house has a basement.)
Mam-ma:  "The basement at church - that's where he parks his truck."
Me:  "So Lee was at church?"
Mam-ma:  "No, he wasn't at church.  He must have taught his Sunday School class and then left."
Me:  "Well, Mam-ma, I don't know what to tell you.  Maybe he got sick or something."
Mam-ma:  "Well, he played his trumpet with the band."
Me:  "So how did he play his trumpet if he didn't go to church?"
Mam-ma:  "He played with the band, but he didn't go to the choir after that."
Me:  "So he was at church?"
Mam-ma:  "Yes, but he didn't stay."
Me:  "I don't know what to tell you.  Obviously they have both gone to Quitman, so he must be okay now."

This was a bizarre conversation, to say the least.  I also told her at least twice that my mom and her husband were going to Branson for a week, so that my mom could do interviews and research for a book she is writing about the history of the entertainment industry in Branson. 

That evening, I related this conversation to my mom, and she said, "That is so weird.  I talked to your Mam-ma when we got home, and she asked if Lee was okay, and I said yes, and she said, 'Well, I didn't see him at church.'  I told her he was there and played his trumpet and sang in the choir as usual, and she said, 'Well I never saw him.'"  (Insert theme music from The Twilight Zone here!)

I tell all of this to explain my title - you knew I'd get to it eventually!  Several weeks ago, Mam-ma called one night and asked me if I thought she should have her air conditioner serviced, "just in case it doesn't work when I turn it on."  Now first of all, Mam-ma's house probably never gets any cooler than 85 degrees, so an air conditioner working at half capacity would most likely serve her needs just fine.  But I told her that it was up to her... the big worry on her part was whether she could afford it.  I assured her she could afford to have the unit serviced, but my husband told her that she should turn it on, see if it worked, and then decide if she needed service.  That was the last we heard about the air conditioner... until last night.

My phone rang about 6:30 p.m. as I was preparing our dinner... Mam-ma. 

Mam-ma:  "Debbie, I think maybe I better have my air conditioner serviced."
Me:  "That's fine.  Call Ricky (my cousin who used to work for a local company who did work on heating and air conditioning units) and ask him who you should contact.
Mam-ma:  "I just got off the phone with Ricky.  He told me to call XYZ.
Me:  "Fine.  We've used him before.  Call him tomorrow."
Mam-ma:  "Well, I'm not sure I can afford it."
Me:  "We've been through this before... you can afford it."
Mam-ma:  "Well, I really don't need it right now, but you just never know.  It's working fine for me, but I am just thinking about other people."
Me:  "You sleep on it, and if you want to call someone tomorrow morning, go ahead.  Have them send a bill, and I will pay it."
Mam-ma:  "Okay."

Figuring out why Timothy is cranky and crying is often a much easier dilemma than trying to decipher some of these "adult" conversations!  In the end, I can see that my grandmother is slipping, becoming more forgetful, and losing concentration.  I am taking one day at a time with her... and honestly, I find myself feeling more patient.  I know the time is short...and I am sure she senses that, too.  For now, we are taking things as they are, and as she would put it, trying to "make do."

When It All Comes Together

Friday, I left Timothy at home with Greg while I took Mam-ma Polly to the beauty shop and did her grocery shopping - and ours.  I was also buying food to prepare for a Mother's Day lunch for everyone yesterday... chicken, baked potatoes, salad, cole slaw, broccoli/cauliflower and cheese, rolls, and fresh strawberries and brownies or blueberry muffins with yogurt cheese for dessert.  In my grocery cart, I had diapers and bottle liners... and Ensure for my grandmother... both ends of the spectrum!Yesterday, as we enjoyed our lunch, gifts and cards, and the "Timothy floor show," I looked at five generations represented... a new mother (Jasmine), my sister's first Mother's Day as a grandmother, two great-grandmothers - my mom and Greg's mom, and a great-great-grandmother (Mam-ma Polly).  Jasmine even brought me a "Mother's Day" card and acknowledge me as an "other mother" to her and Timothy.

As I watched my grandmother playing with Timmy - and him giving her kisses - it all came together for me.  Yes, this is a sandwich - and a wild and crazy one at times - but this is also a time to treasure.  I hope Mam-ma lives long enough for Timmy to truly remember her... but if not, we'll give him memories to cherish via photos, stories and more.  Meanwhile, it was a very good day in our house to celebrate mothers.Pictured below...

• My mother-in-law, known to Timmy as "Grandma Elaine."
• My sister, my mom, and her husband.
• Jasmine and Timothy
• Timothy with Mam-ma Polly and Grandma Elaine
• Timothy with Grandma Elaine
• Timothy and Mam-ma - his great-great-grandmother
• Kisses for Mam-ma Polly

I Can't Get No Satisfaction...

I made a trip to the medical supply store to try and get my grandmother's "wobbly" walker fitted with new legs to replace the one I ran over last week at the beauty shop.  The ladies were so nice there.  They said, "Oh, this has happened before."  In fact, the woman in charge said that she could fix up the "old" walker, but it would cost about $55, and the walker itself was a little unsteady, and she did not recommend fixing it.  What happens to these walkers?  Just a few months ago, it was outfitted with the 360-degree wheels for outside use and declared safe... now it's unsteady? 

Anyway, the woman went on to tell me that she thought we could qualify for a new walker covered by Medicare, since it has been two years since Mam-ma last got a new one.  Apparently these walkers are not designed to last very long, whether you run over them or they are driven around the blocks and through the stores and churches by little 97-year-old ladies!  I had to sign a waiver saying that I would pay the $130, if Medicare will not authorize the walker.  I did that. 

I also told the lady that Mam-ma had seen some white, flat tips on her friend's walker last Friday, and she had a fit over them - wanted some for HER walker... and she wanted BIG wheels.  The lady said the tips were called "gliders," and she had some... but they would be an extra $19.  I told her to put them on the new walker.  She fixed me up with the gliders and BIG wheels.

I took the walker to Mam-ma's, along with a box that contained the plain rubber tips that had been exchanged... and I took back the "old" walker, too.  I got Mam-ma to come out into the garage, and I showed her the brand spanking new walker - complete with white glider tips.  I have to admit, I was feeling pretty proud of my efforts!  Mam-ma looked the walker over and said... "Well... (long pause)... that's okay."  Okay?  What did she mean, "Okay?"  She harrumphed and said, "Well, it'll be okay if I don't stub my toe on them tips.  Gerry said she had to watch out for that."  Now, for the record, I never heard our little friend say a word about those tips causing her to stub her toe.  But I told Mam-ma..."If you decide you don't like them, we can take them off and put on the original rubber tips.  And if you wear them out on the concrete, we have the other tips in this box." She replied in a pitiful tone, "No... that's okay."

I parked the walkers, put the extra legs/tips in her closet, and let it go.  Clearly, there will be no satisfaction with the walker situation, regardless of what we get.  And that is useful information for the future. Meanwhile, we are garnering an arsenal of old, useless walkers - if anyone needs parts, we probably have 'em!

Fodder for the Blog

You can't make these things up.  Today, I ran over Mam-ma's walker!  The day had been going fairly well.  I had run errands for myself, then picked up Mam-ma and dropped her off at the hairdresser's.  She didn't need many groceries, so I decided to buy mine at the same time.  That, too, went smoothly.  I even stopped at the meat market for some steaks for our dinner.

When I returned to the hairdresser's, Mam-ma was sitting in a chair waiting on me.  The hairdresser was running behind when I left, but somehow she had managed to catch up - and then some.  Also waiting was a little friend of ours - and my birthday buddy - whom I call "Maw Mac."  She will be 92 on our birthday in July.  Maw Mac's daughter Marsha arrived in Maw Mac's Buick, and she parked perpendicular to my vehicle - and part of another - in the street.  So we weren't going anywhere until Maw Mac was loaded.  Marsha walked out with Mam-ma and up the passenger side of my vehicle.  She instructed Maw Mac to follow me around the driver's side of my vehicle, because that would put her in the right spot to get in her back seat.  Both ladies had walkers.

I never gave Mam-ma's walker another thought.  She got into my car.  I showed Marsha and Maw Mac pictures of Timothy, and then Marsha helped her mother into the car.  I got in, and when Marsha had driven away, I backed out of the parking lot.  I knew right away I hit something - but what?  I looked around and there was nothing behind me... and then I realized... the walker!  I stopped and got out, and there it lay, beside Mam-ma's door... warped, flattened along one spot, and ruined.  Mam-ma had folded it up and laid it against the back door on her side of the vehicle.  She NEVER does this.  I always fold and put away her walker.  Had she left it... we would not have hit it.  But it was partly my fault, too for not remembering it.

So I will take another walker that Mam-ma has - the one with the "roly-poly wheels" - and have a new walker outfitted for her on Monday.  She was not the least bit upset, because she is not happy with her current walker situation anyway, and this represents an opportunity for something new.  She had just commented inside the beauty shop that she wished her walker had feet on it like Maw Mac's - some sort of flat contraption I'd never seen before on the back legs.  I'll just have to see what the Medical Supply store can offer us.  I had cold groceries today and it was 80 degrees, humid as the tropics, and stormy, so I was not stopping now.

I rolled into Mam-ma's driveway and parked beside her friend Ruby.  I said, "Wonder what Ruby is up to..." and Mam-ma said, "Well, I'm sure we're going to the grocoery store!"  I had Mam-ma's groceries in the back seat!  Sure enough, we unpacked Mam-ma's groceries (buttermilk, "sweet" milk, orange juice and Three Musketeers) and she grabbed her purse.  I got one of her spare walkers for her, and she said, "Oh, no... I'm not taking that.  I don't take a walker to the store."  Ruby chimed in... "She holds onto my arm to get into the store, and then she pushes a buggy - she doesn't know what to do with that walker in the store."  I just shrugged and said, "Have a good weekend, girls!"  It was all I could do.  I'd bet a dollar to a donut Mam-ma buys more groceries while she is out with Ruby.

Fridays are always an adventure!

Can You See Me Now?

This is a big week for my grandmother.  Thursday night is the annual "Widows Banquet" at her church.  I did not make up this name - they really do call it the "Widow's Banquet."  Each deacon at the First Baptist Church is responsible for the care and nurture of assigned widows.  My grandmother's deacon is wonderful... and he does many very nice things for Mam-ma.  This banquet is always a HUGE deal - as much as the prom is important to any teenager.  We moved Mam-ma's hair appointment to early Thursday, so that her hair will look nice, and she will have plenty of time to rest and dress.  Usually her deacon brings her a corsage, and she wears her nicest outfit.  The church social hall is decorated, the meal is always "delicious," and there is generally live entertainment - usually a musical group.  Mam-ma talks about it for weeks before and afterward.

So Monday, as I sat down to eat a late lunch and visit with my husband and mother-in-law, the phone rang.  Mam-ma wanted to know some details about her funeral.  I explained that everything was taken care of - I had personally spoken to two owners of the funeral home, and all would be handled to her satisfaction.  Then she said, "Well... I want His Eye is on the Sparrow and Beulah Land" (meaning she wants these songs sung at her funeral).  I wrote it down.  I told her I had heard from my mom that she wanted a certain church member to sing Beulah Land after it was sung at another funeral recently.  She said it didn't matter who sang it... and I pointed out she had previously told me she wanted a men's group to sing, and she retorted, "Why, they can't sing Beulah Land!"  I laughed and made notes.  I also asked about the hymns she had told me several months ago she wanted sung.  Now she wants His Eye Is On the Sparrow and Beulah Land.  I told her this was fine - and I would note that today she wants these songs. 

Then I asked, "Are you planning on kicking off any time soon?"  "No," she laughed, "but when you sit here by yourself all alone and think about things, you get to thinking about this."  Later my mom pointed out she doesn't plan to die before the banquet!  Anyway, I tried to console her and reassure her that we would carry out her wishes.

That evening, Mam-ma phoned again.  "Debbie," she said.  "I just sat on my glasses and broke them all to pieces!"  We talked about what she could do - didn't she have another pair that was very similar and close to the same age?  Yes, but she couldn't see out of them (I didn't understand this) and they were "great big."  No, that must be another pair, I told her, but she insisted.  I told her I wasn't sure when I could get there to help her... I was expecting to have the baby the next day and Greg had afternoon appointments.  She said, "Well, that's okay... but I need to be able to see for the banquet."  I pointed out that there would be no way to get new glasses by Thursday.  Maybe these could be repaired.

So Tuesday morning, I called the eye clinic and asked if we coudl come in and see about the glasses.  I dashed to Mam-ma's and collected her.  She was wrapping her glasses in a handkerchief - mangled wire frames with both lenses out - but not broken.  I hoped the girl could repair them.  She thought she could, but there was a piece broken that required a special solder, so we were unable to repair the old set.  New frames were ordered - they will be ready in two weeks!  Mam-ma said, "I can't see out of these others."  The girl checked, and they were misaligned, and she was seeing the bifocal at the same time as the other part, so hopefully that is better now.

We had quite a discussion about whether Medicaid would pay for the glasses.  At first the receptionist said that Medicaid would pay... but when I questioned this, based on past experience, she investigated, and Mam-ma has some sort of "QMB" Medicaid that doesn't cover glasses, apparently... at least not very frequently.  So we will pay $119 - and maybe that is "our" portion for Medicaid - for new frames.  As we left, Mam-ma told the receptionist, "Now I do have Medicaid."  She replied, "Yes ma'am, I know." Under my breath, I told her, "The less Mam-ma knows about how much this is costing, the better."  The woman answered... "I gathered that!"  On the way home, Mam-ma asked, "How much are these glasses gonna cost me?"  I told her around $100 - and that she can afford it.  She always tells me how "broke" she is!

I took Mam-ma home to rest... she had washed her windows yesterday (inside), and she was exhausted. Hopefully she will feel good for Thursday. I got home before Timothy arrived... now he is giving us a workout! Timothy was 11 months old yesterday. My mother reminded me that I was his age when my sister was born! Hmm... an infant and a toddler vs. an infant and a grandmother... there is no "winner" in either of those scenarios! Both have their challenges AND rewards. Some days they are just easier to see.

Spice cake, Michigan apples, and Balance!

Last Friday was a day of juggling and balance!  I ran some errands in the morning, in anticipation of the arrival of Timothy around 12:30 p.m.  When I got home, he was just arriving.  We hurriedly ate a Sonic lunch I had brought home, and then I dashed off to do Mam-ma Polly's errands, leaving Timothy in the capable hands of his Uncle Greg.

Mam-ma's errands were pretty straightforward... I'd already picked up her medications at the pharmacy, so all I had to do was take her to the hairdresser's and grocery shop for both of us while she was there.  She seemed a little addled and forgetful, but nothing too serious.  She had made a spice cake and wanted to share some with us, but when we returned, I was in a hurry, and she forgot, and I got home without any spice cake.

By the time I got home, Timothy was napping (albeit briefly), and Mam-ma was calling to apologize for not remembering the cake.  I assured her it was fine, but she said, sternly, "No, it's not okay... I meant for you to have it."   She said she planned to play dominoes with her friends on Saturday afternoon... that she didn't really feel up to it, but she was going because they didn't have enough players without her.  I assured her she would feel better for having gone.

The next morning, we had not been awake long when Mam-ma called, "I am so sorry I forgot that... I don't know what was wrong with me."  I was not sure what she was talking about, and I told her, and she said, "The spice cake.  I meant for you to have that!"  I told her we had discussed this on Friday, and it really was no big deal.  But it was to her.  So I asked, "Did you make more than you can eat yourself?"  "Well yes," she answered.  I suggested she freeze it and I would get it the next Friday.  She said she guessed she could try this.  So I must remember to ask for the spice cake on the next Friday.

Meanwhile, Timothy was a joy, and our Friday evening and Saturday passed quickly.  On Sunday, his grandmother picked him up around noon... and we entertained company that afternoon.  Getting ready for company and managing a household and a baby is either more of a challenge than one realizes... or I am getting old!  I was very tired.  Timmy didn't sleep well, and we were up late into the night - and slept later in the mornings.  Such is life with a baby!

Timmy returned at noon on Tuesday and stayed until noon on Thursday. We had wonderful spring weather and strolled every day - some days more than once.  Mam-ma has not felt well this week - a stomach bug, we think - so the next errand day may be interesting.  She says she will have a big grocery list (meaning laundry detergent and bleach and such), so we will see. 

One funny thing... last Friday as I returned to Mam-ma's after her hair appointment, I asked about her friend Ruby... how was she doing?  Mam-ma said, "She's fine... we went to Alp's this morning for apples, and she was fine."  Now, Alp's is a grocery store.  I was, at this very moment, unloading groceries for my grandmother from the back of my car!  She said Ruby had gotten some apples at the store that "were delicious - they were Michigan apples."  I am not sure if Michigan apples is a brand name, but surely no apples come from Michigan in March!  At any rate, Ruby had come by and picked up my grandmother Friday morning, and they had gone to the grocery store for apples.  Why they could not also get milk, bread, orange juice and a couple of other things at the same time is beyond me.  But I was not surprised.  Ruby has told me more than once that she and my grandmother grocery shop several times a week.  She is astounded that Mam-ma still has a list of items for me to pick up for her on Fridays.  I'm not surprised at all.  And Friday I may have to search for Michigan apples!