Last night, we talked to Timothy and his mother for the first time in nearly two long months. They had spent the day at a nearby lake and botanical gardens/park, and Timothy had LOTS to tell us. He also had a lot to tell us about his birthday presents - and his dinosaurs... and the repetitive question was a dramatic, "Do you know... that my favorite dinousaur is cool? I will show it to you!" Of course, we could not see it on the telephone, but that didn't seem to matter. And this was all important because???? The 30-minute conversation with our beloved three-year-old was a welcome respite from the focus on my grandmother and her deteriorating condition.
Wednesday and Thursday were remarkably "good" days for Mam-ma Polly. She was clearer and put more sentences together than she has in months. She told me about visitors and asked about a mutual friend who is suffering with Bells Palsy. She said of this person, "I wish I was able to send her a note." She is still thinking about others - even now.
However, my mom visited on Friday, and nothing was the same. Mam-ma was virtually unresponsive. Mom had to keep waking her to talk with her... and even then, she wasn't sure things registered. And Mam-ma has a pressure wound on her right heel - the leg that is broken. It's about the size of a quarter, and the Hospice nurse put padded "booties" on her feet to keep them from touching the sheets. We are told by the nurses that this is the beginning of other problems... like more skin breakdown. And even worse, Mam-ma is in pain.
We got the doctor to increase her pain medication from 2 times per day as needed to four times per day, as needed. However, before the six hours is up she is begging and groaning in pain. When I visited yesterday morning, I found her in a fetal position, clenching the bed rail with both hands, frowning deeply and groaning. She was in a lot of pain. We have not been able to reach a doctor this weekend, which I am not sure I understand. But there are times when the Hydrocodone kicks in that Mam-ma is happy and laughing... it's just that last hour or so before the next pain pill - and then the hour afterward until it takes effect. When you add them all up, that is a lot of time to be in pain. Hopefully I can get to the bottom of it tomorrow and get either her dosage strength increased - or the frequency of administering the current amount. I do not want my grandmother to be in pain at this point.
I know every day is different... and the challenges and frustrations may only increase as we go along. For all who questioned at the beginning of this week whether Hospice was the right choice, I say, "Go visit her now." We made the right choice.
At the same time, I am trying to pace myself... and if you are in the same boat - or a similar dinghy - I suggest you do the same. Last Saturday, my best friend and I attended a party to celebrate the marriage of a mutual friend we have known since childhood. We laughed, danced, and reminisced... and for a few hours, I didn't think about hospitals, pain, Hospice, or anything sad. It felt great! Yesterday, I fired up my sewing machine and made pillows for our front and back porches. Sewing is my therapy... and I get lost in the beautiful fabrics and calculating yardage and creating something pretty... and I feel happy and peaceful.
In all of these challenges, we have to find balance. So talking to Timothy last night was the icing on the cake. Thinking about the carefree world of a three-year-old and his soon-to-be-one-year-old sister made us smile and laugh... something we haven't done often enough lately. Tonight, if everything holds together, my husband and I plan to veg out on the couch and watch movies... one drama... and one comedy.
This seemingly sudden 180-degree turn with my grandmother should come as no surprise. I know things can change quickly from here on out... but at the same time, it was a good reminder NOT to be surprised - or to take a "good" day/hour for granted. I'm still keeping my house in some semblance of order and trying to stay ahead of meals and laundry... and basically keeping my "house" in order (literally and figuratively). Nothing is certain... of that I am sure. But I am taking things one day at a time, and relishing in the fact that dinosaurs really are cool... and I know a little boy who can tell me why!
Wednesday and Thursday were remarkably "good" days for Mam-ma Polly. She was clearer and put more sentences together than she has in months. She told me about visitors and asked about a mutual friend who is suffering with Bells Palsy. She said of this person, "I wish I was able to send her a note." She is still thinking about others - even now.
However, my mom visited on Friday, and nothing was the same. Mam-ma was virtually unresponsive. Mom had to keep waking her to talk with her... and even then, she wasn't sure things registered. And Mam-ma has a pressure wound on her right heel - the leg that is broken. It's about the size of a quarter, and the Hospice nurse put padded "booties" on her feet to keep them from touching the sheets. We are told by the nurses that this is the beginning of other problems... like more skin breakdown. And even worse, Mam-ma is in pain.
We got the doctor to increase her pain medication from 2 times per day as needed to four times per day, as needed. However, before the six hours is up she is begging and groaning in pain. When I visited yesterday morning, I found her in a fetal position, clenching the bed rail with both hands, frowning deeply and groaning. She was in a lot of pain. We have not been able to reach a doctor this weekend, which I am not sure I understand. But there are times when the Hydrocodone kicks in that Mam-ma is happy and laughing... it's just that last hour or so before the next pain pill - and then the hour afterward until it takes effect. When you add them all up, that is a lot of time to be in pain. Hopefully I can get to the bottom of it tomorrow and get either her dosage strength increased - or the frequency of administering the current amount. I do not want my grandmother to be in pain at this point.
I know every day is different... and the challenges and frustrations may only increase as we go along. For all who questioned at the beginning of this week whether Hospice was the right choice, I say, "Go visit her now." We made the right choice.
At the same time, I am trying to pace myself... and if you are in the same boat - or a similar dinghy - I suggest you do the same. Last Saturday, my best friend and I attended a party to celebrate the marriage of a mutual friend we have known since childhood. We laughed, danced, and reminisced... and for a few hours, I didn't think about hospitals, pain, Hospice, or anything sad. It felt great! Yesterday, I fired up my sewing machine and made pillows for our front and back porches. Sewing is my therapy... and I get lost in the beautiful fabrics and calculating yardage and creating something pretty... and I feel happy and peaceful.
In all of these challenges, we have to find balance. So talking to Timothy last night was the icing on the cake. Thinking about the carefree world of a three-year-old and his soon-to-be-one-year-old sister made us smile and laugh... something we haven't done often enough lately. Tonight, if everything holds together, my husband and I plan to veg out on the couch and watch movies... one drama... and one comedy.
1 comment:
What a great attitude -- allowing yourself to enjoy life despite the challenges you and your family face. After all, if those of us still here and with many years ahead of us never enjoy life, what's the point?
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