Medicine Aside, This Week Was Quieter

Several weeks ago, someone told me that a friend of my grandmother's - Lois - was going to be celebrating her 100th birthday on July 12th with a party at the riverside resort her children own some 6 or 7 miles outside of town. Of course, Mam-ma was invited. When she showed me her invitation, she said, "Ruby is taking me." I questioned her about Ruby driving to this resort, and she said, "Well, Lois' son stopped Ruby at church and said, 'Now I want you to come to the party and bring Polly.' and Ruby said she would." So I talked with my sister and my mom, and everyone agreed that Mam-ma had made her own arrangements and we should let things lie. Neither my sister nor I know this family, and my mom was going to be in town - but she had plans, so we agreed that it would be okay for Ruby to take Mam-ma and enjoy a bar-b-q dinner with all the trimmings.

Friday afternoon, I took Mam-ma to the beauty shop (for the appointment she missed on Thursday while at the doctor's office), and after I got home, she called and said, "I forgot to ask you - are you taking me to Lois' party on Sunday?" I told her no, that I assumed Ruby was taking her. "Well she's NOT!" Mam-ma replied. I took a deep breath and said, "Then I guess I AM taking you, because you don't have a way otherwise." I added that I wish I had known this earlier, and she said, "Well Ruby just told me today at lunch. She says she doesn't know anybody there, and she feels funny about going." So I asked what time Mam-ma wanted to go - the party was from 12:30 - 4:00. She said, "Oh... let's go about 2:30." I asked if we couldn't go earlier, and she said, "Why? Have you got something else to do?" I told her, as a matter of fact, I had company coming for dinner... my friend Marla and her three grandchildren. Mam-ma said, "Oh... well... we can go earlier then." I told her that would really be helpful, and asked, could we go at 12:30 when the party started? "No," she said... "not that early." So I suggested 1:00, and she agreed. By this time, I am not a happy camper... but I agreed to pick her up Sunday afternoon at 1:00.

About 30 minutes later, Mam-ma calls again. "You just go ahead with your plans with Whats-her-name." I asked what had changed, and she said, "Ruby is going to take me. I just told her, 'Now you need to to this.' and she said she would. So we'll just go... and if something happens we can't, well that will just be that." I didn't know what else to say except, "Okay..." and she hung up. My mom told me later, "If she ends up without a ride, we will delay our travel a few hours and take her." As it turns out, Ruby did NOT go... but neither did Mom.

On Saturday, a family friend had a bridal shower, and Mom brought Mam-ma. On the ride to the shower, she asked about the party the next day and Ruby, and Mam-ma said, "Ruby has back trouble - Geneva is taking me." Now all I have heard about her friend Geneva is that she cannot hear conversations exchanged in a room with another person. But Mam-ma assured Mother that Geneva drove everywhere - even out of town - and would be fine. As it turns out Geneva and two other ladies picked up my grandmother - I didn't ask who drove. All I know is it wasn't Mam-ma... well as far as I know, that is!

So here are photos my friend David Baker took at the party of my grandmother visiting with her friend Lois. Apparently she had a good time... and I was able to focus on my company and the dinner I was preparing without interruption.













Monday morning, Mam-ma called to tell me that the doctor's office had called and reduced her morning Lasix by half. "So I'll just cut those pills in half, she said. I asked her if she was certain which pill was her Lasix... she assured me she was. I suggested she only do the pills through Thursday, when I would be there again, and I could finish cutting them. I double-checked with the clinic nurse to make sure this info was correct, and indeed, they did reduce the morning dosage. I am not sure why nobody called me, but I guess with the new HIPPA laws, they have to call the patient. Yesterday, I refilled all of her medicine boxes and straightened everything out to get the proper pills for each day, and I am praying she takes them on the right days and times. She has gradually improved this week, and I am certain all of her confusion last week was due to the overmedication and taking those extra doses of night-time medicine. We will never know why she did this, but I am monitoring her medicine more closely than ever now.

Yesterday, the grocery list was: broom, mop, cough syrup, sweet potatoes, candy (3 Musketeers). When we got home, a friend had been to a nearby orchard/farm and brought her about a half dozen peaches and a huge Wal-Mart bag filled with shelled purple hull peas - $20 worth! Now, for those of you who have followed this blog for awhile, you may recall that last summer she froze almost 2 bushels of purple hull peas. Even counting the half-dozen pint bags she gave me and my mother, I cannot imagine she has eaten all of the peas she froze last summer. But now she has more to freeze. I would just say it gives her something to do, but I know it involves a stove and hot water, so that is a concern. However, offering to help with the blanching, etc., would not be welcome. So I just pray hard!

Saturday evening, I arrived at the shower ahead of Mom and Mam-ma, and I was telling the hostesses (both nurses) that Mam-ma had overmedicated and was confused and not doing well. I laughed and said, "But watch... she will be fine for you tonight." Sure enough, her walk was steady, and she seemed her old self. Before the party was over, one of the hostesses had asked her to sit with her two adult mentally-challenged sons soon while she tended to some things for the wedding. I could not believe it... and of course, Mam-ma was saying, "You call me any time!"

As I drove out of Mam-ma's driveway yesterday, I could see her "extra" folding walker - parked strategically outside her back porch door... ready for use as she waters her garden, fills the birdbath, and feeds her birds. It was a miserably hot, humid day with scattered thunder showers. I could hear the doctor's words, "stay inside out of the heat" ... and I knew they had gone in one ear and out the other. And I'm okay with that... I would rather Mam-ma fall dead in her yard or garden than die miserably in a nursing home. I just have to hope she doesn't fall and break something. So far... so good. I keep praying!!!

BTW - at the other end of the spectrum... we had a great visit with our little friends... Griffin (age 11), Ruby Ann (age 8), and Roman (age 5). What a contrast!

Mixed Medicines - Mixed Messages

Yesterday afternoon about 4:15, I was scrambling to finish vacuuming our house and get a shower, so that we could go to a funeral visitation for the father of our childhood friends. The phone rang, and it was Mam-ma, and she sounded absolutely horrible. She almost never got out a question... when was the funeral? I told her 11:00 a.m. the next day, and she said, "Well, I am gonna have to go to the doctor. I haven't been able to pee today. And I've took the headache. I've just drunk water all day." I questioned her... could she not go at all? was it a little or a lot? and she said yes, she could go, but it was just a dribble.

Here's how our conversation went after that...

• Me: Call tomorrow and see if you can get an appointment tomorrow afternoon.
  
• Mam-ma: Well, if I can get in tomorrow morning, I'll get Ruby to take me.


• Me: I would rather that I went with you.
  
• Mam-ma: Well I would, too.Me: Are you saying you can't wait until afternoon?
  
• Mam-ma: I don't know... my belly is starting to hurt.
  Then she adds... (and remember, this is all very halting and in spurts between heavy breathing and in a whiny, raspy voice!) When Shelly (her Home Health aide) was here this mornin', she said, "You're a gonna get a kidney infection." She called the nurse.
  
• Me: What did the nurse say? (I never did determine EXACTLY what the nurse said, because she never really explained that.)


• Mam-ma: My blood pressure was 95.


• Me: 95-what? Was that the bottom number or the top?


• Mam-ma: I don't know... just a minute... (she goes to check her notes)... It was 95 over 57. We went on and took my bath, and then she took my blood pressure again, and it came up to 130/66.
  
  I asked if her feet were swollen, and she said no.

Mam-ma said she had called the clinic and nobody answered. I reminded her that we saw her doctor last Wednesday at the dentist, so apparently they are closed on Wednesdays, and she said, "Yes, but I thought some of the girls would be there." I kept wondering, WHY are you just now calling me about this? I told her that I might have been able to do something, like get her to someone else, if I had known earlier in the day, but now we were pretty much out of options. I told her that I did not really want to take her to the ER unless she absolutely had to go, and she said, "No, I'm not going to the ER." So I told her to call this morning and see what could be done, and we would go from there... that I woul not call her hairdresser until we knew for sure about the clinic.

Then I called my sister, and we discussed it, and she asked if Mam-ma had taken her BP again. I told her not for me... and Suzanne thought she should. So she offered to call her, which I thought was a great idea. Well, things were totally different for Suzanne. Mam-ma answered with a strong clear voice and sounded upbeat. She did say she couldn't pee well, but she admitted to Suzanne that she didn't have an urge to go to the bathroom like you do with a UTI - and that she COULD go... just not very much. I had told Suzanne, Mam-ma's idea of "a lot" and ours is not the same... are we talking a quart or a teaspoon? When she tells me she is vomiting, sometimes it is some miniscule phlegm that I would not even classify as such.

Suzanne asked Mam-ma to take her BP again, and it was 189/89. However, she told Suzanne that she had been out in the yard and filled her birdbath and watered her garden. Suzanne got onto her and told her NOT to go back outside again in this heat and to stay quiet. She said she was going to after she "got done." Suzanne asked, "Get done with what?" Well, supper, she said... after supper she was going to bed. I told Suzanne, "Yes, and she is likely to show up at the visitation with Ruby!" Suzanne laughed... she said while Mam-ma was taking her BP (and she had to take it twice to read it) she was talking (which you aren't supposed to do). Greg asked me, "You two honestly believe a BP reading your 96-year-old grandmother took?" I told him yes and no. What told me the real tale was how strong her voice was to Suzanne. After talking to Suzanne and hearing how Mam-ma was for her, and knowing no Home Health nurses had called me, I determined this was not serious enough to take any action last night.

So this morning at 8:15, a very whiny, breathy Mam-ma called me and said, "Well, they can't see me until 1:30 this afternoon, and then I'm a walk-in work-in, so no telling how long we will be there."

• Me: Call the hairdresser and cancel your hair appointment.


• Mam-ma: Well, I'll see if she can take me late in the afternoon.
  
• Me: No, cancel it. We have no idea how long we will be, and you are usually Pat's last client. That's not fair to ask her to hang around all afternoon in case you can come late. I know you want your hair to look nice for Saturday and Sunday (she has TWO parties to attend this weekend!), so if Pat can't work you into her Friday, we'll do something else - either do it ourselves or take you somewhere else.

So Mam-ma said okay. I talked to my sister, and she asked if I had asked about the peeing and the BP this a.m., and I told her no... we didn't get that far. And honestly, after how she acted with Suzanne yesterday, I can't trust what she tells me anyway! Suzanne said if her BP is all over the map like that, she probably does need to see a doctor, but we have no clue what all she has done to cause it to go up and down... like watering her birds and garden. And I still maintain that this stems mainly from her seeing her doctor at the dentist's last week. She is bound and determined to go to the clinic. And Greg and I wondered if she was a little jealous/miffed over the funeral visitation. She doesn't like to go to visitations, but at the same time, she knew we were going... and it was at our church and not at the funeral home, so she may have thought we would take her along.

I wish I could say this was the most bizarre trip I'll ever make to Mam-ma's doctor, but I'm afraid to do so!*lol*
The funeral was very nice... but long... Masonic rites at the cemetery. So we rushed to grab a quick bite, and I pulled into Mam-ma's driveway right at 1:30... she was in her garage... her walker was parked by the entryway. She didn't even unfold it... just sorta steered it toward me at the car. As we drove away, she said, "You've just come from the funeral, haven't you." I told her almost - that we had downed a quick bite of lunch, but yes, I had just gotten there.

I asked, "So you called the hairdresser and told her you weren't coming?

• Mam-ma: NO! I didn't call her. I figured YOU would.


• Me: No... I told you to call her. We have got to do that right away - she is wondering where you are!


• Mam-ma: Well, we might be able to go later.
  
• Me: NO! Remember, we are not doing that... (I'm dialing Pat).
  I get Pat on the phone, and yes, she is wondering. She says she has a comb-out at 2:00 and now she can go home after that. I asked, would she possibly have something tomorrow, and she hesitantly says it will be 2:30. I ask if she is sure that is okay with her (I know she has to make arrangements for her grandson), and she says it is... and in the background, Mam-ma is saying, "or we could maybe go later today." I turned away from the phone and said, "We are NOT doing that!" So back to Pat... she says we can come tomorrow at 2:15.

We get inside, and it's very slow, so we get in pretty quickly. Mam-ma tells the nurse her spiel and we toddle to the bathroom and she gives a specimen. Then Dr. B. comes in, and the first thing he asks is, "Did you get your teeth fixed?" I'm shaking my head no and telling him, don't ask... that is literally a sore subject. He apologizes, and of course, Mam-ma is now saying, "No I didn't, and I tell you what, I need to have them fixed." So you know what will be next on the list! I told Dr. B. to stick to the body, and he laughed and said, "That's what I get for trying to make small talk!" (Side note...we made three trips in three weeks to have Mam-ma's dentures adjusted to accommodate her eroding jawline, and she still says they don't fit right. She talked earlier in the week of a trip to the dentist again, but somehow that never materialized.)

So Dr. B. starts asking Mam-ma questions. She tells him she can't go to the bathroom. He asks, like, is she able to go at all? Oh, yes, when she takes her Lasix, she goes real good for about an hour after that, and then she can't go any more.

• Dr. B.: Do you feel like you need to go again?


• Mam-ma: No.
  
• Dr. B.: How often do you go?
  
• Mam-ma: Well, after I take my Lasix, several times for about an hour, and then maybe 2 times the rest of the day.
  
• Dr. B. (looking totally confused): So what's the problem?
  
• Mam-ma: Well, I need to go!
  
• Dr. B.: Why? Does it hurt when you go?


• Mam-ma: No, but it hurts down there (pointing to the lower part of her abdomen.) It's just terrifying!


• Dr. B.: What's terrifying?


• Mam-ma: Well, when you go sit on the commode and you can't go.


• Dr. B.: Do you feel the urge to go?


• Mam-ma: No, but I just need to go! I've drunk and drunk water and lemonade until I'm so full!


• Dr. B.: That's obvious - you've diluted your urine!

He went on to say that he thought between the Lasix and the heat of the summer, she might be dehydrated a little. I told him about the BP, and how it came up with a bath, and again when she went outside. She had argued she doesn't go outside.

So I asked, have you been back outside since you watered? Dr. B. said, "That's a good question. I was going to ask what you've been doing." She said, "Well, when you have a garden, you have to keep it watered, and so I had to go out yesterday and water my garden." He asked her about her garden. Her answers were slow - and halting - and confused, and she had a terrible time figuring out what to say and getting it out. Poor Dr. B., he was just sitting there with his arms folded, frowning, trying to figure out what the heck was happening!

I asked if she walked this morning, and she immediately said "NO!" Dr. B. shot back, "Why not?" and she said, "Well, because I didn't feel like it!" He checked her breathing and listened to her heart and belly. He finally wrote a prescription for six Cipro pills and Pyridium for 3 days. He started telling her to take the Pyridium 3 times a day and the Cipro two, and I asked, "Can't I just put that in her pill compartments for breakfast, lunch and dinner?" He said yes. He also drew blood to see if she had depleted her potassium.

Dr. B. is so confused about what the problem is at this point, and I tried to explain to Mam-ma - "He is saying it is normal to pee a lot after you take the Lasix and then not any more. And he's trying to tell you that you don't need to drink that much fluid" and she is saying, "But I need to go!" So Dr. B. asks, "What else is going on? Is there something else bothering you?" She says no. I ask, "Mam-ma, are you feeling bad somewhere else - do you hurt somewhere or something?" She says no, other than now she's "took the headache."

So Dr. B. starts working on the computer, and I mentioned that she now takes Nexium instead of Aciphex, and he said his nurse had changed that in the files. And I added... "And, recently I discovered a bottle of Prosom (a tranquilizer) in her cabinet, and a bottle of Darvocet (narcotic painkiller)!" He asked where that came from, and I said, "You prescribed it - I think in April 2007!" He started looking through his records, and Mam-ma said, "No, you gave me a 90-day supply 90 days ago, and I need a refill!" He whirled around and looked at her and said, "I prescribed that in 2005, and you need to get rid of it!" I asked about the Darvocet, and he said, "It's probably not any good now, either, and I need to write a new scrip." I said, "Wait a minute... why does she even need that?" He answered, "She really doesn't." I told him I could get rid of that, too!

Then I told him, "You know, she takes a lot of extra-strength Tylenol. I buy a lot of that." He asked how much, and Mam-ma started in, "Now I don't take that much of that!" I said, "Mam-ma, I bought you a bottle a few months ago with 100 tablets, and it was buy-one-get-one-free, and just a week or so ago you had me buy another bottle." Dr. B. asked her if she took Tylenol every day, and she said, "No, I don't take it every day... I just take one tablet every night to sleep." He laughed, and then he asked me if it was Tylenol PM. I told him no... just extra-strength Tylenol. Mam-ma was saying, "No it's not, no it's not... it's Equate!" Dr. B. said, "You really don't need that Tylenol - that's what the Ativan is for, but I'm going to allow you - for now - to take ONE Tylenol at night if you want, but NO MORE!" And I brought the Darvocet and Prosom home with me and got rid of it.

Dr. B. asked Mam-ma something - I can't remember, and she said, "I don't care," very blankly, and he asked, "what do you mean you don't care?" and she said, "I just feel so bad that today I just don't care about anything. I just don't care." and she stared blankly across the room, and Dr. B and I just sat and looked at her for about 30 seconds. It was bizarre. So we gave the blood and gathered our things and left - but Mam-ma was so confused she had trouble finding the lab to give her blood... and she had just been down that hallway to give the urine sample. Dr. B. said no infection showed in the urine sample, but just in case there was some, the Cipro would head it off... and the Pyridium would relax the bladder, and he suspected she is having some spasms. That was all he could come up with!

I went to the pharmacy and got the Cipro and Pyridium, and when I got back to her house to put them in her daily medicine compartments - which I filled for 2 weeks on Tuesday when Greg and I went by - her Friday and Saturday night medicines were missing. I asked her about it, and she said she got mixed up and took the wrong day... but everything else was right. So, I replaced that medicine for tomorrow night and Saturday and put in the new meds... and I started her Cipro for supper tonight, because I had talked to my niece Jasmine (who is a CNA at the nursing home), and she told me that she needed to EAT a meal with the Cipro. She also said, "It sounds like she is dehydrated," which is pretty much what Dr. B. said... and Jasmine also said that Mam-ma would have to straighten out that fluid intake on her own, which is true. Anyway I got the medication straightened out - and I handed Mam-ma a Pyridium and told her to take it, and to take another at supper time.

I left and went on to Wal-Mart to buy OUR groceries, and Greg called me. "Mam-ma Polly has called and wants you to call her when you get home." So I turned around and phoned her, and she said, "You shoulda told me to take food with that medicine. I just threw up everything in my stomach!" I told her I really didn't think that she needed to eat with the Pyridium, and it had been so soon that I wondered if something else wasn't going on. "Well no it's not!" she said. "I was talking to Ruby, and I hung up and felt that coming up, and I tried to hurry to the kitchen, but I didn't get there." I asked if there was a mess to clean up and she said she had already done it. Then she said, "All that yellow stuff came up." I pointed out that the pill was brown. "Yeah, I know," she said, "all that reddish brown stuff came up." I told her she didn't have to take any more of those pills, and she said, "But I NEED them! I'm gonna take the next one at supper with food."

She said she was going to eat some chicken stew I had taken her, but I put onions and spices in that, and I told her I felt it was too heavy - to just fix some soup. No telling what she will do! But in talking to Suzanne and Jasmine since, Jasmine says that Pyridium wasn't in her system long enough to make her vomit, so we don't know what happened there, but Suzanne and I have surmised that if she took two extra doses of night-time medication, THAT is what has lowered her BP (and possibly upset her stomach!). At night she takes a Coreg for blood pressure, her Synthroid - a thyroid medication, and her Nexium for acid reflux. So since Tuesday, she's had 2 extra doses of those!

So, she is really mixing up her medicine, which I suspected yesterday when she called. I don't have any clue what to do about it beyond putting the meds in those little boxes. I am soooo glad Suzanne called her yesterday and I didn't take her to the ER. As Jasmine put it today, "So in essence, she didn't need to go to the doctor?" Exactly! And there is no way I can keep her from taking that medicine Dr. B prescribed today, but hopefully 3 days' worth won't hurt her. It's all I can do.

So that was my day. Oh yes, I got to the car with my groceries and noticed milk filling a Wal-Mart bag... guess one of my gallons of milk had burst... so I had to return to the store to exchange that. It was about 93 degrees, and I had a car filled with chicken and milk products, so I had to really hurry. I'm whizzing down the aisle back to the service desk with a fresh jug of milk, and one of my earrings goes flying across the floor. "What else?" I'm thinking, but fearing I shouldn't even wonder! I was soooooooo glad to get home to Greg and the cats and my clean house! And tomorrow is beauty shop and groceries for Mam-ma! The fun continues... I hope things are quieter in your neck of the woods!

It's Been a Wild Weekend!

It's been a wild weekend... but a good one! My mother-in-law was awakened about 3:00 a.m. Saturday by a wild noise. It was coming from her air conditioner. She later duplicated it for me, and all I can say is it sounded like the tornado siren was going off in town - SCARY! So she jumped up and tried to determine the source of the noise... then turned off her AC. (Repair is scheduled for today.) Since the temperature on Saturday reached 102 or better, her house heated quickly! She laid on her couch and watched a movie and tried not to stir too much, but Greg had told her, "If you are not at our house by mid-afternoon, I'm coming after you!" I think she arrived about 4:30 p.m., when her movie ended. We had dinner and watched some television, and I checked Facebook. There was a post from a woman who lives one block from my grandmother - the power was out.

So I called Mam-ma - no answer, and no answering machine. I called her friend Ruby, and Mam-ma answered the phone! She played "Chicken Foot" (dominoes) at Ruby's Saturday afternoon with her friends, and when she was driven home, her garage door opener would not work. A neighbor shouted to her that the power was off. She didn't have a purse or her house keys, so she returned to Ruby's. I determined that she didn't have her medications, so my mother-in-law and I went to get Mam-ma and unlock her house so she could gather pj's and her meds.

We gathered everything, and while there, I discovered Mam-ma had NOT locked her house up completely, even though she insisted that she had locked everything. I told her that is the last time I believe her! I "battened down the hatches" and returned her to Ruby's house. We made a quick stop at my mother-in-law's for Sunday shoes, and her house was STIFLING inside! I couldn't believe how it had heated up... but that goes to show how hot the day got!

Back at home, we watched another TV program with Greg, and around 9:15, my grandmother called - her power was back on, and she was at home! Sunday was Greg's mother's 83rd birthday. We went to church and then out to lunch with our friends. Then we came home to read the paper and rest. There were phone calls for Greg's mother, and a visit from his brother and our great-niece and nephew, which we thoroughly enjoyed. Last night we watched an old Alfred Hitchcock movie, "The Trouble With Harry." It was a good one! Today we will hopefully get the AC repaired at Greg's mother's house - we have loved having her here, but we know she is anxious to get home. It's cooler here today, and maybe the week will be uneventful... hey, a girl can hope!

Not Everyone Can Work On Their Own Dentures!

Thursday was a fairly uneventful “errand day.” Mam-ma was dragging… she didn’t have any energy, and she didn’t look well when I got there. Usually she doesn’t even look like she needs to have her hair done, but this week, she had slicked it down and it looked BAD. She was complaining of being tired and “feeling bad all over.” I quizzed her – did her head hurt? did she have a stomach ache? was her throat sore? No, no, and no… none of the above… but she “felt bad all over” nonetheless.

Finally when we got back home, I suggested maybe it was the heat. She insisted that her thermostat was fine on 78 degrees and did NOT need to be lowered! Then she said she had not slept well and had even gotten back up to take Tylenol and an Ativan. She said once she went to sleep afterward, she slept GREAT! I suggested maybe she had a “hangover” from the medication, and she said, “Well maybe that’s it!” I told her she should take a good nap and rest and see if the next day wasn’t better.

Friday, she called and sounded 1000% stronger and more energetic. She mentioned that she needed a new telephone book. Ever since we moved her telephone to the nursing home when she was there in 2003, the phone company has listed her address in the directory as the nursing home’s street address. She has mentioned it once before, or I would never have realized, and I debated whether to call the phone company or not. Mam-ma got someone else's extra phone book, so that solved her telephone directory dilemma. And the last time we changed something with the phone company, they disconnected her phone for several days. It’s sorta like calling the “black hole” to call the phone company about your account, so I hesitate to do it.

So today, I took her an extra phone book that I had. I had been out EARLY to some garage sales and stopped by her house at 7:30 a.m. She was up and had just eaten her breakfast, but her house was all dark yet, with curtains drawn and every door shut and locked. She said she was going to walk later in the morning. We are in the middle of a heat wave, and even at 7:30 a.m., the air in the shade was stifling! I told her, “If you are going to walk, do it now before it gets any hotter, while you can still get your breath.” She agreed and began getting ready to walk.

I asked if her teeth were feeling better since our trip to the dentist for new denture liners, and she said, “NO! I’ve got to go back! He [our beloved Dr. Eades] said I might have to, and they are too long… they are rubbing my gums.” I told her to let me know what day she could see him, but not to schedule anything for Thursday because “my calendar is full already.” She asked, “Oh… are you not gonna be able to take me to the beauty shop?” “Yes,” I replied… “YOU are part of that calendar!” She laughed, and said, “Well I guess it will be Tuesday.” I asked why she thought that, and she said, “Well I called yesterday, and they weren’t there.” (HELLO! We went through this LAST Friday!) I reminded her, “No… remember… they don’t work on Fridays!” “Well, that’s right!” she exclaimed. She added, “I can’t call them again until Monday.” “So you are assuming you might get an appointment on Tuesday?” I asked. She said yes… and added, “I’ve worked on them already… I cut a whole piece off, and they are better.” This is not the first time she has worked on her own dentures! I would attribute this to her work as a chairside assistant for another local dentist for 18 years - she literally "cooked teeth" on her stove at home in the evenings - helping the dentist make his patients' dentures. But knowing Mam-ma, she would whittle on them even IF she didn't know how to make a set of dentures from scratch!

I suggested that maybe her work would do the trick and the dentures would settle down over the weekend, and she said, “Well… maybe… but I don’t think so!” I told her to just let me know what she determined on Monday! I knew there was a reason I didn’t read that last magazine when we were there Wednesday!

As I left to go to more sales and Mam-ma to walk around the block, she said, “Wait just a minute… let me get a jacket.” It was already nearing 90 degrees outside. I said, “Mam-ma… the last thing you will need is a jacket!” She said, “Well I don’t walk very fast.” I told her… “You will break a sweat standing still today!” When we got on her driveway, she agreed that she didn’t need a jacket. As I pulled out of her driveway and started down the street, I watched her in my rear-view mirror. She was pushing her walker in the opposite direction. Her neighbors were having a garage sale… that may be as far as she got!

New "Teeth" and a Hair Permanent...

Friday, I was eating a sandwich about 12:45 and the phone rang - it was my grandmother. When I answered, she said, "Can you take me to the dentist if I can get in? My teeth are killing me." I told her I guessed I could, but I didn't think the dentist worked on Friday. "Well I'll find out!" she said promptly. I told her IF the dentist was working and could see her, then yes, I would make arrangements to take her.

A few minutes later, she called again - "Either he's not there or he's not answering." I told her I felt sure he was not there. "You'll just have to try on Monday," I told her. She said, "Well, your mother and Lee are coming home this weekend,and they are supposed to take me to lunch on Sunday, and I can hardly chew." My grandmother has dentures, and at age 96 (and a HALF, as she immediately adds), her jaw bones are wearing so that the dentures keep loosening and wearing blisters on her gums. The dentist has had to re-line the dentures several times already. The last time this happened, she did a little "surgery" on the dentures herself and cancelled an appointment she had made to have them fixed.

On Sunday, my mother and her husband did indeed take Mam-ma to lunch after church. That evening she called me to see what I knew about my niece, who had not been feeling well. She said her teeth still hurt and she still wanted to try to see the dentist. She said, "if he's a workin' tomorrow." I told her I felt sure he would be working on Monday, but after being off Friday, he might be swamped, so don't expect to get right in. Then she went into her little dance about the money and how she really couldn't afford a new liner for her teeth, and also she needs a new permanent. Honestly, I thought she got one back in February, but she insists it was April and that it hasn't lasted. Doesn't matter, as I told her - if she needs another, she just does... and she can afford it - make the appointment! She said, "Well I just hate for you to have to do these things," and I told her, "If you will make appointments and let me know, it's no problem to work it into my schedule. When you call and say we need to be somewhere in 30 minutes, sometimes THAT's a problem!" So I told her to go to bed and get a good night's rest and call the dentist and the hairdresser the next morning to get on their calendars, and to let me know what she worked out!

Monday morning, I noticed it was almost 11:00, and I had not heard from Mam-ma. So I tried to call her. No answer. I tried several times, and around 12:30, she answered. I asked what she was doing, and she said, rather pitifully, "Well I was a tryin' to eat some lunch." I said, "I've been trying to call you." She replied, "Well, me and Ruby went to Alp's (a local discount grocery) to get corn. They got in some real good corn this morning, and we both got some." I asked about her teeth,and she said, "I haven't even called yet." I told her I really needed her to get an appointment - and to call about her hair, too, so that I could plan my week. She agreed to call right away. Meanwhile, I'm thinking that she felt well enough to buy fresh CORN, so how bad can her teeth be?

In a few minutes, she called back and said, "Do you want to go at 8:00 in the mornin'?" "Is that when your appointment is?" I asked. "Well, yes, she said that was all they had." "Then I guess we are going at 8:00," I told her... "is that tomorrow morning?" "No," she answered, "it's Wednesday morning." I told her that was fine and asked about her hair. As it happens, her hairdresser doesn't work on Mondays, so she said she would call again on Tuesday. Tuesday afternoon, I was outside watering plants, and when I came in, I heard Mam-ma leaving a telephone message, "The hairdresser isn't sure if my hair is long enough yet for a permanent, so we will just have to see on Thursday - if it is, we'll do it, and if not, we'll have to wait." Now, that means her appointment MAY take two hours, and it MAY take one hour. It would have made sense to say, "I'll just wait another week and be sure," but of course, that would have made too much sense. So I told Mam-ma, I guess I will just plan on two hours, knowing it might only be one. Her response? "That's just all we can do."

Today, I hurried through my morning routine and pulled into my grandmother's driveway at 7:50 for the 5-minute drive to the dentist's. The first thing I saw was her walker on the driveway. She was puttering around in her garage. She announced, "I'd rather still be in bed." That was my thought exactly, but I didn't voice it! Her new liner took about an hour, and bless our dear Dr. Eades' heart, he would not charge her for it. He charged her for a mouth rinse, but the liner was done because, as his nurse put it, "he wants to take care of her." He is one in a million, and he truly does love Mam-ma... and I am grateful for that!

Mam-ma said that the dentist mentioned she had not been there in awhile (bet she didn't tell him she'd done surgery on his last liner herself!). She said, "He told me he wants to see me more often - ever once in awhile - to check on these teeth!" We'll see how that goes! At least he has GREAT magazines in his waiting area!

Meanwhile, Mom told me that my grandmother's friends - the ones who brought her about 150 pounds (NOT an exaggeration!) of sweet potatoes last fall - brought her a half bushel of fresh squash in the last few days! What do they think a 96.5-year-old woman will do with that much squash?! Anyway, Mam-ma sent home an ear of corn for my husband - she had shucked and cleaned it all - probably a dozen or so ears... and today she was going to cut it off the cob and put it in the freezer. She will can or freeze something until she draws her last breath!

Tomorrow we will go see if her hair is long enough for that permanent! Stay tuned....

"Footloose and Fancy Free" - Compassion vs. Arguing

I told a friend of mine that God has really been dealing with me lately. I've been writing a series of daily devotionals on compassion - and how we Christians are called to be more compassionate, even when it doesn't feel good! I had been mulling over some thoughts about how to be more compassionate toward my grandmother - maybe spend more time with her... and certainly try to be more patient.

So it was that yesterday I went to her house yesterday to pick her up for her beauty shop appointment. I arrived early, so that I could dispense her medication into the daily pill boxes that would supply her for the next two weeks. She sat at the kitchen table with me as I did this. I do have to concentrate on what I am doing as I dole out the pills, but I asked about her neighbor, Earl, who went out of town and fell ill while away. Mam-ma has been collecting his newspapers and his mail each day. For the record, a friend of her neighbor's, who happened to be some sort of caretaker for his dog, went to Ft. Smith, Arkansas, a few weeks ago... I thought to visit some family members. She took Earl's truck on this four-hour drive. Next thing my grandmother knew, Earl had driven his car to Ft. Smith. He got sick there and had to be hospitalized for several days. Since his release, he has been staying in a motel room - under oxygen. He will have to be on oxygen when he returns home, and he has even called my grandmother to see if the medical supply place has been by to deliver any. Of course, as she told him, this probably won't happen before he returns home. The last time that I knew of that he phoned her, he said he would be home June 14th.

So I asked..."Have you heard from Earl again?"
Mam-ma: "Honey... Earl got MARRIED!"
Me: "Really? To the woman he followed to Ft. Smith?"
Mam-ma:"No, he didn't follow her there." (Let's see, she drove his truck to Ft. Smith, and he got in his car afterward and ended up in Ft. Smith.)
Me: "Didn't he go to Ft. Smith because she was there?"
Mam-ma: "Yes. He did go to Ft. Smith where she was, but he didn't follow her there.
Me: "Okay... well... are they coming back here?"
Mam-ma: "I reckon."
Me: "So she doesn't live in Ft. Smith - she just went to visit family there?"
Mam-ma: "No, she went to see about her sister, who was sick." (Okay, so sisters are no longer family?)
Me: "But she doesn't plan to STAY in Ft. Smith, right?"
Mam-ma: "No, she just went to see about her sister." (who apparently is NOT family!)
Me: "And she and Earl got married while he's been there?"
Mam-ma: "Yes."
I returned to my medicine and let the conversation drop.

I deposited Mam-ma at the beauty shop and headed on to handle a couple of errands and then to Wal-Mart for her groceries. It was a hot afternoon - nearly 90 degrees, and humid. When I got back to the beauty shop, the hairdresser was running behind, so I toted in a sack of cold groceries - milk, bacon, eggs - and sat downon a bench to wait. The hairdressers and another customer struck up a conversation with me about food and food allergies. Meanwhile, the hairdresser finished Mam-ma's "do," and Mam-ma paid her. She grabbed her walker, and headed for the door. One of the ladies was still telling me something. I said, "Mam-ma, wait!" She never even broke stride. She opened the door and headed for the car, which was locked. I finally apologized to the hairdresser and hurried to run past Mam-ma and get the door open. This is not the first time this has happened, by any means.

I got in the car, and I asked, "Are you in a hurry to get home?" Mam-ma looked up at me and shrugged her shoulders and grinned and said, "No... I'm footloose and fancy free!" as if to ask, "Where would you like to take me?!" I added, "I just wondered, because you headed for the car like a lightning bolt." She said, "Well..." and changed the subject quickly. If the conversation doesn't revolve around her - or interest her - she just walks away. She has left her hairdresser standing in the middle of the salon floor talking about her grandson and totally walked right out the door. Mam-ma pays this hairdresser $13 a week (including tip) for a shampoo and set... and this woman is rearing her 3-year-old grandson. The least she could do, if she is so "footloose and fancy free," is sto stand still or take a seat for 5 minutes and hear the woman's story.

We got home, and I put away Mam-ma's groceries. I visited her restroom, and when I came back into the living room, she was waiting for me, with a boxed light bulb in her hand. It was a 3-way light bulb I had purchased the week before. "You need to take this back and exchange it... it's not the right size." I told her it was the only 3-way light bulb I saw, and she said, "Well, it's not the right size." I told her I had JUST come from Wal-Mart... I sure wish I had known about this, and she said, "Well, I know - I just thought of it." I told her I wasn't sure I still had a receipt, but I would look. I checked her lamp, and sure enough, the maximum allowed wattage is 150. I got a 50/200/250 watt bulb. She said, "You don't need a receipt - just tell 'em you want to make an even exchange." I explained to her with a laugh that "they might take me for a crook." She looked at me like I was from Mars. I told her that anyone could go pick a light bulb off the shelf and walk to the service desk and say they bought the wrong size. Without a receipt to prove it, the associates had no way of knowing if I bought the bulb or not. I don't think she bought it.

By this time, Mam-ma had sat down on her couch, and I know she was thinking I would sit down for awhile, too... and I probably would have. But I realized that this was how it was going to go... everything I said was going to incite an argument... because everything I say irritates her in some way. It just is what it is. I didn't want to consider that yesterday could have been our last day together, and we spent it arguing. So rather than allow it to escalate, I made my excuses and left.

Today I wrote a devotional about emulating Jesus and showing compassion when none was shown to us... offering kindness even when we are treated unkindly. And I do try to be kind and respectful. "Errand day" is not always the only day of the week I see my grandmother or talk to her. I just took her to a baby shower for my cousin a few days earlier. The only way I know to avoid confrontation is to limit opportunities for them to occur. I don't like this, but I honestly don't see another way. My friend suggested I find another "non-errand" day to spend some time with Mam-ma. But if she argues and gets upset over the semantics of her neighbor "following" his new wife to visit her non-family sister, we can argue about virtually anything.

I have come to the conclusion that I am not the person to visit with Mam-ma. I am the person to drive her to her appointments, manage her finances, pay her bills, keep her in Medicare Part D Prescription Drug coverage, take her extra chicken stew and new pictures of the baby, remind her to send birthday cards, and "put out fires" when she has a crisis. Her aides and nurses have their roles, and she has friends, church members, and other family members who can visit with her without a confrontation. And I am okay with this. This strategy allows me to be compassionate and "bite my tongue" each Thursday and the times in between - and return the light bulbs, bras, panties, and other things that don't "do to suit." It preserves many of my memories of Mam-ma and keeps bitterness at bay. There may be a better way, but I haven't found it. Meanwhile, I'm doing the best I can to have sufficient mental and physical energy - and compassion - for my grandmother... and to still have something left for myself and others.

I'm Dancing as Fast as I Can!

My friend Melisa has three boys who are musically talented. Well-meaning adults are always suggesting they sing this song or that - or that they go here or there to perform in all sorts of venues, from church suppers to senior citizens centers and more. When their guitar coach hears of these "gigs," he gets out his imaginary guns and starts "shooting" at the floor toward their feet, as in "let's see how fast you can dance!"

Today was just such a day for me. I was showered and almost dressed to go get my grandmother for her 1:30 p.m. beauty shop appointment. Around 12:15, the phone rings, and my grandmother says, "I can't go to the beauty shop today." "Okay... are you sick?" "No," she says, "Pat (the hairdresser) called, and there's a water line break, and she doesn't have any water at the shop." I told her that was too bad, and she added, "...tomorrow at 3:30." "Your appointment is rescheduled for tomorrow at 3:30?" "Yes," she tells me. I mulled that a couple of seconds and said, "Well, I think I can make that work." (Not that she had asked!) She answered, "Well, if you can't, that'll be okay..." (her voice trailing off here) "No," I told her, "I can make that work... it will be fine." I asked if she needed groceries before then, and she said no, she was out of milk but could manage until tomorrow.

I changed my clothes, informed my husband I was NOT going anywhere today, and began to think about what project to start next - maybe ironing? The phone rings, and it's my grandmother again. "Pat called back... the Water Department is working to piece a line together for her, and she said to come on." "So you want to go today?" "Yes." So I put changed BACK into my nicer clothes, told my husband of the plan change, and gathered my things to go to town.

I honestly didn't mind - and I was dressed and ready (well, twice) - but it was amazing how much could transpire in the course of about 15 minutes... and how it didn't seem to register with my grandmother that these changes were any big deal. And I know it made things easier for the hairdresser to be able to continue her day, but a lot of her little ladies rely on someone else to get them to her shop and home... and changing plans midstream affects MANY people! So today, I felt like somebody had a gun shooting at my feet, saying, "Let's see how fast YOU can dance!" At least I knew Mam-ma wouldn't beat me back to Wal-Mart today... 1) I didn't return, and 2) her friend Ruby (who does the driving) is under the weather.

Mam-ma's grocery list today: 1 quart of whole milk, vanilla ice cream, 1 can of sauerkraut, a head of cabbage, a 3-way light bulb, and a box of GAIN detergent. I didn't ask what she is cooking - I don't think I have EVER bought her kraut, although she always canned her own and kept dozens of jars of kraut in her root cellar when I was a child. She sent home 1/4 of a chocolate pie for my husband... it looks delicious. (I'm allergic to chocolate!) She was very upset with a "silly rabbit" who has eaten all but one of her green bean vines down to almost the ground. If she gets half a chance, he may be the feature of a stew with kraut!