We're in a "Lull"!

I hesitate to mention that we are in a "lull" because that usually invites trouble! And... some of our "lull" is because I did something to my back a couple of weeks ago, so I didn't see my grandmother last week - just spoke with her by phone. Luckily, my mom was in town and could run her errands. My grandmother called me every day for about a week to see how I was - and to relay what she needed - "I'm out of cash!" - "Did you pay my tithe?" (wasn't time yet - she forgot, she said!) She had plenty of people to see after her while I was out of commission - Mom and her husband power-washed the outside of her house one day, my cousins helped her with her garden another, and the man came to mow her yard, just to name a few. I am up and going again, so I will see her this week for "Errand Day". It was time last week to refill the daily medicine boxes, and I told Mom how to do it, and Mom said as she sat filling the little boxes, Mam-ma said, "I told Debbie I could do that myself!" Mom said it was a daunting task, as she made sure she got the right things in the right boxes. I agree, and that is why we do that for my grandmother!

There WAS one thing the last time I did errands. I picked up my grandmother for her appointments, and she was not ready for me, which was unusual. Usually she is tapping her toes at the door. I entered her house, and she walked past me and out the door. I asked, "Where are you going?" She replied, "I don't know." I reminded her she didn't have her purse or the remote for her garage door - two things she always takes with her. She came back into the house to get her things. I noticed on the kitchen table that Mam-ma's little pill cutter was out of the box. "Why is the pill cutter there?" I asked. She spun around and said, "Well, you didn't leave me any medicine for today." I looked at her and asked, "so you cut a pill to take for today?" "No," she answered. "There wasn't anything in the box for noon Thursday, so I didn't take any." I asked why she didn't look in the OTHER set of boxes for Thursday, and she said, "Well, you didn't leave me any medicine, so I figured you didn't aim for me to take any today." I asked if she had taken her morning meds - yes, they were in the box.

I remembered that the last week, when I filled her daily boxes (on a Thursday afternoon), I deliberately did not put any medicine in the Thursday morning and noon compartments of one set, so that my grandmother would not become confused (I hoped) and take a double dose, thinking she forgot earlier. BUT... she didn't understand that, so from now on, I will just lay out the evening medication for that day on her kitchen table and fill ALL of the compartments. Lesson learned on my part - and as my husband pointed out, she may have not taken the medication for my benefit - but we DID stop long enough for her to take her noon meds before we left for the beauty shop! Mom said some of a Friday set were missing when she refilled, and Mam-ma insisted it was "right," but Mom isn't sure. So, I still don't know for sure that Mam-ma takes her meds right, but she seems to be doing fairly well, so we will hope so.

My sister-in-law is having all manner of challenges with her parents. Her mom is 90 and her dad is 89. I think I related in an earlier post that severe storms caused a lot of damage to these folks' home and business back in the spring, and my sister-in-law and brother-in-law have made several trips - about 3.5 hours one way - to clean up the yard, and meet with insurance adjusters and repair people. Mother's Day weekend, my sister-in-law's mother had some sort of accident as she turned outside and started to go into the house. She fell and broke three ribs, pulled muscles in her shoulder, and was really banged up pretty good. She is convinced she had a mini-stroke.

However, some months ago, this lady dropped a plate on her foot, and my sister-in-law thinks she suffered some nerve damage, and from time to time the foot feels "heavy" and sort of "goes out" on her. There have been tests and doctor visits, and the consensus among medical personnel was that there was nerve damage to this foot that caused the fall. An MRI was talked about, but at the time, the pain and discomfort from the broken ribs was such that this lady could not lie still for an hour in the machine. She has steadily improved from the broken ribs and is getting around better now... all things considered - she has macular degeneration and only has limited peripheral vision, so her husband has to help her navigate (and he doesn't hear well, but that's another story!) - and she has even started to get out for Garden Club coffee, and things like that.

My sister-in-law (an only child) and her husband traveled to visit her parents this past weekend and handle some things with the insurance people. She e-mailed this report afterward: "My mom called to tell me she had another spell yesterday when she went with my Dad to check on the store. This time her left leg got heavy and so did her right, and her knees started to buckle. She held on and did not fall. So she had a dr. appt. today and she is now scheduled for an open air MRI on Wed of the lower back, & they are making an appt with a neurologist & want her to do PT at Health South. I don't think she needs to do PT until they find out what is wrong. She does not want me to come up there for the MRI so that is good. She is much more ok with that now. Also my Dad gets some free tests done with his 55 Plus club & his hemoglobin came back VERY low - it is 9 & should be 14, so he is going to the dr. tomorrow at 4. It just does not seem to let up." Do you relate? These dear folks still live alone in their own home, and they have no intention of doing otherwise. We all see the handwriting on the wall, but my sister-in-law and brother-in-law seem to be taking it one day at a time and just holding out as long as they can. They realize the day is quickly approaching when they will have to step in and force the issue... most likely when something major happens to one or the other that means they can no longer live at home.

I am so thankful that, for the moment, my grandmother is still able to live at home alone - and I almost added "safely" but some days I wonder about her and her gas cook stove and those trips out in the back yard to hoe her green beans in her little garden. But we do have a plan in place - we have already done the nursing home gig three separate times for rehab, and if something major happens, that will become a permanent residence, sadly. All things financial were arranged for that long, long ago, and if that fateful day comes, we will be ready. But so many are not... and the toll it takes on the children, aside from their parents' grief and frustration, is immeasurable. I know my sister-in-law and her husband will need a lot of support, and we will be there for them.

I spent an hour at the local nursing home lately giving an overdue piano concert to a friend of mine who is a resident there - she is 100 years young now, and for her birthday, I promised her a recital. She is still very clear in her thinking and relatively healthy, but at 100, she is not able to care for daily needs like meals, bathing, and general mobility - although she does drive a mean wheelchair! The hour was so rewarding... many residents came to hear the music, and then we sang hymns. I learned very quickly that, regardless of one's mental capacity, hymns are a universal common ground. People who could barely hold their heads up and put two words together sprang to life, so to speak, and began mouthing the words, or humming the tunes. If they didn't know the verses, almost all knew the choruses. And the smiles on their faces and the peacefulness in their eyes as they sang familiar songs was priceless. I will be doing that again soon!

I heard lately that at some point, you quit trying to hide how old you are and start bragging about it, and with a 96th birthday only four months away, that is my Mam-ma! While the time spent with the nursing home residents was rewarding, and it was a blessing to be able to bring them a little joy in an otherwise routine day, I also was keenly aware of how fortunate I am that my grandmother is not there. I am blessed that, even with all of her antics, she is still physically able to live alone - and more than that, she is still of fairly sound mind, save a little forgetfulness. She remembers what she told you two minutes ago and doesn't repeat the same thing over and over in rapid succession. She just completed baby blankets for two new twin nieces. She still keeps up with news and politics. ?And.. she still gardens!

Today was a GOOD Day!

Today really WAS a good day. Yesterday, in addition to errands, Mam-ma had an appointment late morning with her local physician... a "3-week follow-up" visit. That went fine - pat on the hand and come back in 3 months - and I dropped her off at home to have lunch and a little rest before going to the beauty shop at 2:00 for a hair permanent. It took longer than expected, and we were nearly 4:30 getting her home, and Mam-ma was worn out and cranky! I told her to rest, because today we had to travel to Searcy (30 miles away) for a pacemaker check at the cardiologist's.

I arrived a little before 9 a.m. to get my grandmother, and we drove to Searcy. Our visit was pleasant, and she looked great in a pair of light blue slacks, a soft peach-colored t-shirt, and a jacket in a checkered plaid of pastel blue/peach/white. She had on nice "gold" jewelry I had given her and her white Keds tennis shoes, and she looked really sharp - certainly not 95 years old!

We arrived early for our appointment, and the receptionist took our information and became flustered. Seems there was a change at the cardiologist's office, and they no longer do pacemaker checks on Fridays, and someone was supposed to contact us, but that didn't happen. I explained we had driven over 30 miles for the appointment, and my grandmother added, "And gas is $4.00 a gallon!" The girl scrambled and called a technician who happened to be nearby. Bottom line: the test was done, and we were actually out of the clinic two minutes after our scheduled 10:15 a.m. appointment! But we will call ahead next time and make sure everything is as it should be!

We went on to shop for fabric. I want to make new draperies for our bedroom, and Mam-ma is a master seamstress. She doesn't sew much any more, but she still knows what she is doing in that department, so I value her advice. She helped me select a great fabric and coordinating lining material, and then she helped me match up just the right shades of thread. Then we went to Wal-Mart! Don't all roads lead to Wal-Mart?!

Mam-ma pushed a cart as I shopped for hardware for hanging the new curtain, and then we picked out a wedding shower card she needed and she bought some candy. And then she treated me to lunch at Dixie Café. It was delicious. On the way home, we stopped at a couple of yard sales. One sale was at a home that had belonged to my great-grandparents - Mam-ma's inlaws - and she enjoyed being back on "the old home place" and visiting with the daughters of the latest owner, who passed away recently. Mam-ma knew these ladies, and they even shared some "forget-me-nots" from a planter in the front yard with her. Mam-ma said it would be a way to remember their mother, Emma.

Mam-ma didn't have many complaints today. She looked well and seemed far younger than 95. She was truly a lot of fun, and it WAS a GOOD day.

Yesterday, while Mam-ma got her permanent, I went to one of the local nursing homes to visit my great-aunt Mary Louise and a dear friend of our family, Mrs. Charlsie Little, who celebrated her 100th birthday earlier this spring. I had promised Mrs. Charlsie a piano recital for her birthday. Her daughter-in-law was my piano teacher until I married, and I knew that Mrs. Charlsie would appreciate a piano recital about as much as anyone. That was probably one of the most rewarding hours I have spent in a long time. I watched Mrs. Charlsie's face as I played... she was engrossed in the music - moving and swaying to the rhythms, and when a hymn was the theme, she sang along. I asked if she would like to hear "Clair de Lune," and she said "YES!" so I played for her. She was lost in the melody and swaying again. Others came to the dining room to enjoy the concert, and one lady would yell when I played, "That's too loud! She plays too loud." When the volume would dip, she would comment, "That's better!"

When I finished playing the songs I had prepared, I decided that maybe a few hymns and a "sing-along" would be fun for them, so I started playing a few. It was amazing. People who had been sitting slumped and lifeless suddenly sat up, sprang to life and began singing! Hymns are a common denominator, and when the mind forgets many other things, it still recalls choruses of old familiar hymns, apparently. We sang and sang!

My great-aunt, who is nearly 87, recognized Mrs. Charlsie as one of her school teachers. She moved closer to her to visit, and she related that a boy in her class had padded his pants with books to avoid the discomfort of a paddling! She couldn't recall his name, and neither could her teacher, but my aunt, who is not nearly as clear-headed as Mrs. Charlsie, repeated this same two thoughts over and over and over - as much as 9 or 12 times! It got really sad and frustrating, but she was totally oblivious. I am quite sure she never did understand who I was, though I explained several times that she was my grandmother's sister - and I was her great-niece. I commented later that I gained a new appreciation for how "with it" my grandmother is still at 95 years of age. Her friend Charlsie, just five years older, cannot see and is unable to live alone and care for herself, and Mary Louise has already "gone around the bend" apparently. I don't know how my Mam-ma will be at 100, if she lives that long, but today it looked like she might still be doing fairly well!

I realize that everything is relative - and precarious. I arrived home to the news that Tim Russert had fallen dead at age 58. But I am grateful for this good day with my grandmother. I know that each one is different - and who knows how tomorrow will be - so I will focus on the GOOD DAY today and be glad for that for now!

It's Thursday... Again!

Funny how fast Thursdays seem to roll around. Today, my grandmother had lost her "food stamp card." She was very upset about it... looked everywhere - purse, jackets, pants pockets. I know it will turn up, but she doesn't think it will, so she set in to replace it. She called DHS, and someone gave her an 800# to call. She got a menu, which totally frustrated her, so she called ME!

I called the 800# and went through the menu to the desk for lost or stolen cards, and the person who answered, Gloria, asked for the Social Security number. I gave it and my grandmother's name... Willie Dove... and Gloria said, "Willie is your husband?" "No," I replied, "she is my grandmother. I have her durable Power of Attorney." "Well you are not listed on my records," Gloria answered. I've heard this before, but since I have been handling all of my grandmothers business affairs since 2003-2004, it is very frustrating when they tell me I am not listed or authorized. "I can't give you any information, since you are not listed in your grandmother's records." I nicely explained that my grandmother is 95, she has lost her card, and she could not navigate the menu. She is upset to the point that she says she "is sick." Gloria says, "I understand, but unfortunately, I cannot give you any information without your grandmother's authorization." So I asked, "Then how do we resolve this?" Gloria explained that all she needed was an authorization from my grandmother. "Hold on," I told her, "I think I can fix this."

I picked up my cell phone and dialed my Mam-ma. After several rounds of "Mam-ma, Mam-ma" and her saying, "Hello? Hello?" I got her to answer me. "Mam-ma," I told her, "this lady in the Food Stamp office needs to ask you if it is okay for her to talk to me about your card. So I am going to hold the phone to my other phone, and you can answer her questions. I turned up the volume on my cell phone, and I immediately heard my grandmother... "Hello? Hello?" I told her to hold on. Gloria cannot hear her. Mam-ma tells me she is practically yelling! I asked her to listen again, and this time, Gloria attempts to ask a question. The whole time, Mam-ma is talking... "What is it you want to ask me? This is Xxxxxx Xxxxx Xxxxxxxx (giving her full name)." I once again stopped her and told her, within earshot of Gloria on my cordless landline, "Mam-ma... this lady wants to know if you will authorize her to talk to me about your food stamp card." At a volume approaching screaming, Mam-ma says, "ABSOLUTELY!" Gloria starts to laugh and says, "I heard that!" That was all that I needed from my grandmother, so I told her to hang up and I would call her back later.

THEN... believe it or not... Gloria said, "I just need to verify your grandmother's address." I gave it to her, and she says, "Nooooooo... that's not what we have on file." I explained that she has lived at that address since 1988, and Gloria says, "Well, I have an address in Heber Springs, but that's not it. I show a Debbie Robus as the contact." She couldn't see me rolling my eyes, but I told her, "That's ME! You must have my address... XXXX Xxxxxxx Drive." Yes, she says that is what is listed. I explain that my grandmother's address is different (and I do not tell her that I have since moved and no longer live at that address myself). She says she can only deliver the new card to the address on record. Since most of my mail is still forwarded, AND I know the people who live in our old house, I tell her yes, that address will work. She says, "I just need to verify who I am talking to." I had to laugh, as I told her, "Debbie Robus... the person in your records." She says, "Okay... I had to ask." So, a new card is to come in about 7 days, hopefully. The card presently has $26 on it, which I told Gloria just as well be $26,000 to my grandmother, and she replied, "Well, of course!"

Meanwhile, I stopped in to see a friend of mine today at her store, and she was really frustrated. "I don't want to be part of the 'Sandwich Generation'!" she said, looking very frustrated. Her parents need to downsize, but that would mean moving from and/or selling family land - land that has been in her family for generations. Her older siblings are balking. "Don't sell the land!" they cry from several states away. The ultimate care of her parents and their needs has fallen to her, it seems. I told her that, unfair as it is, that's usually how it goes. I tried to be as supportive as I could, but I know her frustration - and there are no easy answers.

On a local morning show this week, a psychologist discussed how disputes over land and property and personal belongings often spell "the beginning of the end" for families. Hurtful things are said and done, and sadly, sometimes the damage is irreparable.

So here's a question for you... how are YOU handling the issue of personal property, downsizing those in your care (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.) Are your siblings or other relatives cooperating and being supportive? Is the person in your care cooperating and acting agreeably? Let us hear from you. We can all learn from each other's experiences... share yours and help somebody else!

And finally, I learned today of yet another senior citizen who "didn't think it could happen to them" and now finds themselves the victim of a fall that has resulted in almost spontaneous need for added care, medical attention, and possibly even a move to be nearer to loved ones who can look after them. Preparations? There have been none. What about you? How have you prepared for this day? Have you buried your head in the sand and hoped it doesn't come? Or have you made some arrangements and laid some groundwork so that if/when, heaven forbid, something DOES happen, you are at least somewhat prepared. Share your ideas and thoughts on this issue, as well!

All Together Now - Let's Laugh!

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."

Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars." One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."

To this, Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire rideand not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly,I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!"

More "Sandwich" People Speak

Carol writes, "Why is it that 'I'm fine' is such an automatic response? I watch my mom and I see the changes. The increase in weakness, the change in her color, the cough and finally comes the difficulty breathing. It's been coming on for the last week. She tells me this morning that it was so hard to breathe during the night. So we're off to the hospital and she's admitted. Chronic heart failure is once again the culprit. Why do we find it so difficult to admit that we feel like crap? Is it our German background that makes my family so stubborn? Should I have forced her to get checked out days ago? She's too heavy to throw over my shoulder.

My dad died 6 hrs before his 80th birthday. My mom turns 82 on Sunday. No matter how much we do, it seems like (for me at least) that we should be doing more. Do you think anyone would notice if I ran away? Thanks for listening.

Here was my reply: Carol... I am sorry that your mother is not well. However, don't be so hard on yourself - or her. Truly, at this age, it's like the little child whose fever spikes... one minute they ARE fine, and the next, they are in full blown CHF or something else. My grandmother attended a birthday party one Saturday afternoon and was "fine". She was "fine" at 7:30 p.m. when she telephoned my sister and cousin. At 9:30 p.m., she was seriously ill with vomiting and diarrhea that landed her in the hospital for 5 days and the nursing home for 2 weeks of rehab... and she is just NOW becoming her "old self." When she was admitted to the hospital that night, her lab work showed she had a UTI, pneumonia, and strep throat, in addition to the virulent diarrhea and vomiting. She had symptoms of NONE of this 3 hours earlier.So yes, some of it is upbringing. Some of it is stubbornness, and some of it is just plain ole aging. At any rate, it isn't any fun, and I'm so sorry this has happened. I wish you well and hope your mother will soon feel better - and you as well!

On another front, my husband's brother John and his wife Elaine traveled almost 4 hours on Mother's Day weekend to visit her parents. As an only child, Elaine is quickly becoming responsible for many things that her parents can no longer address on their own. Her mother recently celebrated her 90th birthday, and I think her dad is getting close to 90 himself. Recent storms and tornadoes caused damage to their yard and the roof of their house (creating leaks in spots), so it fell to Elaine - and John - to see that the repairs were made.

While working in the yard the Friday before Mother's Day, Elaine's mother started inside the house, and something happened and she fell. She broke two ribs and hurt her shoulder - and x-rays this week revealed that she has also broken two bones in the top of her foot just behind her toes. The doctor has bandaged the foot and told her to stay off of it as much as possible - and to use a rolling walker when she DOES go anywhere. This woman also has macular degeneration and can barely see, so she is really disabled. Because she takes the blood thinner Coumadin, the only pain medication prescribed has been some extra strength Tylenol, and she is in a lot of pain.

My sister-in-law is frustrated, of course. She is a leader in a community-wide Bible study group in her city, and she devotes much of her week to work on her lessons, caring for those in her group (and others) and taking care of her family and friends. The Bible study group doesn't meet in the summer, and they just broke for summer break. She told me, "I had so many projects and plans to accomplish this summer, and now it looks like I will spend much of it with my parents." I feel her pain, don't you?! She knows she is not alone, but when this situation first hits you, you feel a little like you have had the breath knocked out of you - and more than a little overwhelmed. I know she will get her "sea legs" and be fine. But if you are just having your world turned upside down by a parent who has become suddenly ill or infirm in some way, know that you are not alone - and that we are here to support you and encourage you as much as possible.

And Today Was a "Good" Day!

Today was errand day with my grandmother, and as errand days go, this was a "good" one. Last Thursday, she had given me a letter from Human (her Medicare Part D prescription drug insurer) suggesting we ask her doctor to try a cheaper drug in place of her Aciphex and Avapro. Several options were recommended. Some of them she has tried already unsuccessfully. The confusing thing was that in February, I had spoken with a Humana rep about Aciphex, and she had told me that Mam-ma has a waiver on that drug "for the life of her policy." So why, now, were they recommending substitutes?

I wanted to find out if they were about to refuse coverage on these drugs, so I phoned the Humana help line. I was told that no information could be given to me because I was not on "the list," and I would have to have my grandmother give permission for info to be released to me. I explained that I have Durable Power of Attorney, and my grandmother was at HER home, and I was at mine. The girl said, "Well maybe you could go to your grandmother's house and call us back - we are here until 8 p.m." I told her that was not happening that day, but that I WOULD be calling back. So today, I went early to Mam-ma's. I got on the phone to Humana and had her sit by her other phone to give the authorization when asked, so that I could get answers to my questions. It never happened. The rep - Spencer - answered all of my questions without hesitation and never asked to speak to anyone else. He never mentioned authorization or any such thing, and he assured me that Mam-ma's drugs are covered, and I am not to worry! I made good notes of the conversation and thanked him!

Meanwhile, Mam-ma had a bill from the hospital for her stay in February. The bill was for $135.50. Since she has Medicare and Medicaid, I figured maybe this was the remainder that Medicaid would cover, and it just had not been filed yet. But I told her I would call the hospital and find out. Medicare and Medicaid have both paid all they will on her $10,000+ bill - she does indeed owe the hospital $135.50. For what, exactly, I am not sure, but I wrote the check. I figured on the overall bill, that was not that much, but so much for "full coverage."

On to the optometrist's office to pay $24 for protective coating on Mam-ma's new glasses. That, too is a story - she was told that her glasses were covered by Medicaid, and the Medicaid lab made them, but when my mother took my grandmother to get her glasses yesterday, the lady in the lab said that Medicaid had refused payment. After some finagling (and I suspect "absorption" by the optometrist), it was determined that Mam-ma would not owe anything for the glasses, but the coating would be $24. That was how it was the last time we got glasses for her, so I was okay with that. I wrote the check!

Finally, Mam-ma had a letter from her primary care physician's office with a print-out of lab work from blood drawn two weeks or so ago when we visited. The note at the bottom said she needs to take potassium, and we needed to call the clinic and speak with the lab tech and get a prescription ordered. It also said we needed to visit the doctor on May 22nd for a six-month check-up, and again on June 12th for a 6-week follow-up on her most recent visit. I didn't recognize the May 22nd date, but I told Mam-ma, "We're not going on May 22nd."

I called the clinic and asked the doctor's wife (who is a receptionist there) about the appointments and the letter from the lab. She had already cancelled the May 22 appointment. She put me through to Toni, the lab tech (I thought) who said, "I will order the potassium, but we need to draw blood on your grandmother - you need to bring her in." I told her we were coming June 12th, and she said, "Yes, but this needs to be done now - her B12 and something else (I didn't understand her) are low - she may be anemic." I tried to be nice, but I told her it seemed funny to me that we were there 2 or 3 weeks ago for blood work, and we were just now learning that she had a problem. AND... she got a B-12 shot from her Home Health nurse today. I asked, "If this was so urgent, why didn't someone call us?" She quickly shot back, "Oh, we DID call, on April 21st and again on the 29th and May 5th, and on the 8th of May I sent the letter." I asked why nobody called ME, and she said, "You're not on the records." Now how on earth am I not on my grandmother's records at the clinic after all this time? I guess the same way they still had her chart showing she was taking Lisinopril that was discontinued after a month in 2006 because she couldn't tolerate it!

So, I told the girl on the phone we would come after Mam-ma got her hair done at the beauty shop. I hurriedly did our grocery shopping at Wal-Mart - both hers and mine. I swung by the pharmacy and picked up Mam-ma's prescriptions, then went to get her at the beauty salon. I realized our cold groceries would never last in the humidity while we sat at the clinic, so we drove to my house and I put away my cold things while Mam-ma visited with Greg and looked at the view out our windows. She hugged Greg and said, "I don't know why you don't come to see me!" Greg was caught off guard and mumbled, "I don't know either!" Welcome to my world!!!

Then we headed to Mam-ma's house to put away HER milk and frozen food. On the way, we passed a produce stand that has opened near my house. Mam-ma said, "Sometime I would like to go there." I said, "Let's do it now." She said, "No, we don't have time." I told her we did have time, and she said, "then let's go!" We turned around and went back, and she bought a quart of strawberries and a cantaloupe to share with her friend Ruby. I bought fresh okra, tomatoes and strawberries. Mam-ma said she would like to go there often. I told her maybe we could go there some on Thursdays. She said, "That would be great!"

We took Mam-ma's groceries home, and THEN we went to the clinic to give them some blood! The receptionist called us pretty quickly to the lab, where the technician was frowning and visibly irritated. She said, "I wish they had let me talk with you... I am so sorry. I can draw blood today, but now that she is starting on potassium, she will have to return next week for a follow-up blood test to see how it's doing, and we can do it all at once." I said, "I thought I talked to Toni - are you Toni?" She said yes, but that they had connected me to Rae, a nurse. I said, "She insisted this was urgent and we had to come right away! She also said she didn't have my phone number and that you had called several times." The lab tech said that they did not have my number on the records in the lab, but now they do, and she was very apologetic, and that the test for anemia was not urgent. I told her if it was not necessary to stick Mam-ma today, then we had no problem with waiting a week. I asked Mam-ma if that was okay with her, and she said, "ABSOLUTELY!" So the girl apologized again, and we left, and we will swing by there next Thursday after the hair appointment.

Now the thing that gets me is... they KNOW my grandmother. She lives a few blocks from their clinic. They know she is 95 and hard of hearing and might not always hear her phone. If you feel a person is anemic and needs potassium, would you really only call 2-3 times in 3 weeks and then MAIL A LETTER? It's not rocket science! In this little town of 6000 people, those folks at the clinic know me - they know they can call me if they can't reach my grandmother. Some of the people in that office attend my church and many attend Mam-ma's church! They KNOW us! What if this had been even more dire than low potassium and/or possible anemia? Would they have just sent a letter and waited for us to respond? As we were leaving the clinic, Mam-ma saw Dr. Bivins, and he spoke and asked us how we were, and she told him, "If y'all don't stop taking my blood, I'm going to start charging you for it!" Dr. B said that would be okay if they figured out a use for it! Greg had told Mam-ma that it was a shame that THEY charge HER for giving them the blood, so she was all geared up to share that little anecdote about charging the clinic. I was just thankful that was all she told him. She started her sentence with "I tell ye what..." and that can be a landmine... especially with Dr. B... he is the one she told that her friend was "almost as big as you are" (and she was not being complimentary!)

Driving home, Mam-ma said, "Sometime, I want you to drive me down to the lake so I can see the flooding. People keep telling me how bad it is, and I haven't seen it." I just turned the corner and headed for the lake. She said, "But you don't have time today." I told her today was as good as any, and we toured three neighborhoods - Sandy Beach, Ausley Circle and Anderson Circle. She was amazed and satisfied, and home we went. She said she had "work to do" - putting away her groceries, putting potassium tablets in her daily medicine boxes, and fixing cantaloupe and leftovers for Ruby to eat supper with her. She thanked me for all of my help and even said, "I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you to do these things for me."

All in all, today was a "good" day! I'll take what I can get!

What's New in the Zoo

Last week was another of "those" weeks. It seems like we have a "good" errand week, followed by what I will just call a "less than good" one! Last Thursday was less than good. I went to my grandmother's house early, so that I could dispense her medications into her daily pill boxes and see what, if any, refills she needed. She sat with me, saying, "I could do that myself." I tried to smooth it over... "It's like your old mantel clock that works best when only one person winds it," I explained. "If only I do this, then we know who did it if something isn't right."

I noticed that her Wednesday night medicines were still in their little box, and it was now Thursday. "Mam-ma," I asked, "did you not take your medicine last night?" She said she did... INSISTED that she did. "Well, it's still in here," I replied. She muttered something about starting with Sunday and going through the box, and ended with a loud, "I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING AND WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO TAKE!" Obviously she is not paying attention to the fact that you take Wednesday's medicines on WEDNESDAY, but I decided to let that go for now.

I determined that my grandmother needed one prescription, but several others were running low, so I decided to order refills on those at the same time. I phoned the pharmacy from my grandmother's kitchen. I gave the clerk scrip numbers for most of the medications, but there was no number for the Coreg. The clerk asked, "Do you have a number for that one?" I explained that no, I didn't because my grandmother had poured the prescription into a bigger bottle that had no number. From across the house I hear my grandmother screaming, "IF YOU WOULD JUST LET ME HANDLE THIS, I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!" I gently explained that it was okay, that we would find a number. By this time, she is in the kitchen digging through a box of receipts from the pharmacy atop her refrigerator. However, the receipt for Coreg was last year's and she now has a new prescription number, so that didn't help. I just didn't tell her... I talked to the pharmacy and put the receipts back on top of the fridge.

I left my grandmother at the beauty shop and went to the grocery store and pharmacy. When I returned, she was ready to leave, and as she walked toward me, she shook her finger at me and said, "Why didn't you tell me it was your momma's birthday?" (She had forgotten my mother's birthday on April 19th. She forgot it last year, also, along with mine in July, my husband's this May, and my brother-in-law's back in March. She also forgot my dad's, which would be April 18th. In fact, this year on April 18th, she noted the date as she recorded her BP reading, and I just didn't comment. I felt if I mentioned it, or my mother's birthday the following day, she would be upset - particularly that she forgot them.) Apparently one of my mother's friends came into the beauty salon and announced that she and Mom had just had lunch to celebrate Mother's birthday. So, I muttered something to her about not realizing Mam-ma forgot this year (a bit of a lie), and that it was okay. Well, it wasn't okay with her, and she has gone on and on about it for days to me, my mom, my sister, and who knows who else! Her comment is always, "I've NEVER done that before. I don't know why I forgot! It just breaks my heart." See why I didn't tell her she had forgotten? Mom said that yesterday a card arrived in the mail with $25 in it - the exact amount Mom had given Mam-ma for Mother's Day! So, they traded money! ha!

Just recently my grandmother told my mother that she had been talking to the man who mows her yard, and he said he was in his late 60's, and she told him that her son (my dad) died two or 3 years ago, and she couldn't remember how old he was. My dad died in 1999 at age 63. Mother said she would have figured Mam-ma could tell to the day, hour, and minute how long her only son had been gone - how old he was when he died and how old he would be now. We see signs her memory is fading.

Friday evening there was a Mother-Daughter tea at my church. I took my mother, my mother-in-law, and my grandmother. Friday afternoon, Mam-ma called and asked if it would be okay for her to wear a teal colored pantsuit. I told her to wear whatever she liked. She said, "Well, I don't really have anything 'springy' to wear." I asked about a beautiful purple pantsuit she has that looks great on her, and she said, "You mean that lavender outfit? It has to go on over my head and will mess up my hair." I told her not to wear it - the teal would be fine - "don't mess up your hair." She said, "Well, I don't want you to be ashamed of me!" I assured her that would not happen. When I picked my grandmother up for the tea, she was decked out in - you guessed it - lavender! Someone told her at the tea how pretty she looked, and she said, "Well, Debbie said to wear this lavender, so I did what Debbie told me to do!" But the kicker was when a dear friend of my mother's came to our table to visit. As she turned to leave, my grandmother said to Mom, "She is crazy as a loon. She won't remember a thing you told her." Thankfully, IF this woman heard - and Mom is certain she did - it won't phase her. But my husband said, somewhat in gest, "You can't take your Mam-ma out in public any more!"

Tomorrow, I have to go early and try to contact Humana about coverage of two of Mam-ma's medications. She has to give permission over the phone for Humana to talk to me! Mam-ma also got a bill from the hospital that is worrying her - I don't think it is something she truly owes, but she believes she does, and she is worried about her money. She also got new eye glasses this week, and there was a glitch in that order, and she owes money for tinting. I'm sure she will remind me about that payment. And she is wondering where her Economic Stimulus check is... I saw last night on the news where she will be getting it around July 4th. Whew, boy... wish me luck!

I know I am not alone in this journey. My sister-in-law went to her parents' this weekend to celebrate Mother's Day and to help them clean up their yard. Recent storms damaged their roof and some trees in the yard. While they were working outside Friday, my sister-in-law's mother fell going into the house and broke two ribs and injured her shoulder. She is 90. She insisted she was okay until Saturday, when a trip to the walk-in clinic and x-rays revealed the broken ribs. Because this lady is on Coumadin (a blood thinner), she was only given Extra Strength Tylenol for pain, and she is really hurting. My sister-in-law is making the four-hour trip to check on her this weekend. She is an only child, but thankfully, there are lots of relatives, friends, and neighbors in her home town to fill in the gaps with her mom.

Another lady in her 90's - a dear friend of ours from church, got HER Coumadin out of whack last week and fell. She hit her head, and her husband said she "looks like she lives with an abuser!" He got her to the local ER, but she lost a lot of blood because of the Coumadin making her blood so thin. I think it was a pretty scary event. I asked the husband if I could help them - they have no children - maybe bring some food, and he said, "Lord no! Please don't bring food! We will never eat all that has been brought already!" Give God a praise for a great church family who are seeing after these two dear souls. They could be us someday!

And finally, there is my cousin's wife, who brought her aunt to the tea Friday night. This 87-year-old dynamo has been battling a bronchial infection and was worried about coughing and feeling poorly during the tea, but she really wanted to go. Her solution? "I'll just take a big dose of my cough syrup!" My cousin said this cough syrup was loaded with all sorts of "goodies," and could easily cause her aunt to be unsteady on her feet (i.e. "drunk!") or possibly fall. She nixed the cough syrup idea!

I look at these folks, struggling to maintain their independence as their lives start to spiral out of control, and I think, "Someday that will be us!" I wonder, are we learning anything in this journey?